Take a Good Guess

Hey, I just met you,
And this is crazy,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,
At you baby,
But here's my number,
So call me, maybe?

The repetitive lyrics that has been annoyingly disturbing my slumber never seemed to stop playing in my head, which only made things worse as it wouldn’t stop throbbing since this morning. I have been feeling pretty under the weather from the last couple of days; even though the boys were already trying to make me to stay in bed all week I still forced myself to attend every single interviews or shows. Liam couldn’t stop bugging me though; he was pretty much the one who wouldn’t shut up about my health.

I reached to the radio of the car and immediately switched it off. It didn’t really do much considering that my head still felt like it just got hit by a New York subway train. I leaned back to my seat and crossed my arms, feeling a little bit cold even though the car’s heater was already on.

“I was actually listening to that,” Harry suddenly said, glancing at me.

“Impossible,” I mumbled, closing my eyes as silence filled the moving car.

Apparently I was now inside a range rover leading us to the venue of the boys’ last show in New York. Harry and Louis literally dragged me inside the car and stormed off the hotel before the others could come in, which would make them to use the other vehicle while I was stuck here with the two people that irritated me the most. I was feeling rather horrible today so I chose not to try to do anything and remained silent.

“I back Harry,” Louis decided to speak up, “I actually like that song.”

“What are you talking about? You have your earphones shoved into your ears,” I muttered, peeking at Louis.

“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me, maybe,” Harry sang along the lyrics that made my head throbbed in pain to my ears. I smacked him lightly on the stomach, letting out an annoyed groan in the process.

“If you ever sing that song in my face again, I will seriously kill you while you’re sleeping.” I said. My eyes were still closed though; as if I was forcing myself to get some sleep before we reached the venue, which clearly failed because the two of them has been torturing me with the most unreasonable questions throughout the way.

“How scary,” Harry muttered, chuckling, “I don’t get why you hate that song so much.”

“No reason,” I stated, “I’m just sick of that song.”

“She is sick of everything,” Louis chimed in, the earphones were no longer dangling from his ears now.

“Thanks to you,” I mumbled.

“How can you possibly blame this to us?” I heard Harry asked, I looked up to meet his eyes, gazing down at me.

“No reason,” I said again, turning away.

“You have issues.”

“I know.”

Harry and Louis didn’t say anything else for my sake, even though I still could feel their eyes were burning holes through me. I tried to enjoy the silence that I’ve been begging to have for the last hour, resting my head on Harry’s shoulder as I closed my eyes again. But I knew the two wouldn’t keep the silence for long, I could already feel Louis shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“I’m bored,” He said.

“You’re always bored,” I mumbled, even though my voice was sounding more bored than his.

“You didn’t answer our question,” He said again, turning to me.

“I thought we’re done with that,” I said as I peeked at Louis, narrowing my eyes at him.

“Not even close,” Harry said.

I sighed dramatically as I sat up, groaning in annoyance as they decided to speak that one topic I’ve been trying to avoid. I forced my eyes to open, slowly rubbing my temples as I felt both of their stares towards me.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

“You’ve been saying that for the last hour!” Louis cried out, “We’re desperate, Hannah.”

“Don’t you guys have other more important things to be desperate about than this?” I looked up to them.

“Not when it’s involving two of our best friends,” Harry said.

“Yeah, and we won’t take no for an answer.”

“Why have you been avoiding Zayn?” Harry asked again, hearing his name only made my stomach turned.

“Who ever said I’m avoiding him?” I responded, glaring at Harry.

“You’d think we couldn’t see it?” Louis asked, “You used to act like lovebirds all the time and now you’re not even talking to each other.”

I only swallowed back my words that I wanted to let out. I could already feel my head burning in pain again as I leaned back on my seat, feeling desperately in need of fresh air as nausea hit me. My mind wandered back about the time when Zayn and I got back from the date with Harry and Vicky. We separated our ways as Harry offered Vicky to take her to the movies to finish off their date, while Zayn and I lingered on Strands, a very odd place for people to end their dates, but Zayn agreed to go, so we really didn’t see why not.

He dragged me down to the literary section of the store where only few people were cornered as they were all too engaged in their own choice of books in their hands. Only some of them noticed our presence, and I was pretty sure that none of them cared that Zayn was somebody famous.

“So why did you drag me down here to the literary section again?” I asked, looking up to him.

“I thought I could find something to read,” his eyes were already scanning the piles of book stacked in front of him.

“You like reading literature?” I raised my eyebrows at Zayn. I did remember that time when he mentioned that he wanted to be an English teacher if he wasn’t in One Direction, but I thought that dream was long gone by now.

“I enjoy it,” He shrugged. “I like to have some light reading once in a while.”

“Light reading?” I choked out a laugh, “I can’t even understand most of the book titles for Christ’s sake.”

Zayn only chuckled silently, ruffling my hair before resting his hand on my shoulder. I guessed that was pretty much it now, I really didn’t understand how this guy mind worked. He obviously was killing me with all the gestures, the stories, and the glances we liked to share. I just couldn’t help but to feel a little bit more special to him, I mean, who wouldn’t?, spending a few minutes of your time talking to Zayn could already give you that little feeling called ‘crush’, let alone spending those days being alone with him.

“Do you want me to read you something?” He suddenly asked.

“Read me?” I said, “I’m a bit curious by your taste in literature actually.” I added again, smiling.

Zayn smirked as he tried to grab a book on top of those infinity collections of literary readings. I peeked at the cover, trying to read the title of the novel.

“Ah,” He said, “It’s not exactly literature, but this’ll do.”

“The Catcher in the Rye?” I read the title aloud, looking up at him.

“It’s a modern classic,” He said, answering me with a smirk. “I know it’s not something you like to read, but give it a chance will you?”

“I’ll try,” I said, shrugging. “For you.”

“That’s the spirit.”

I really didn’t know, maybe I would read it, maybe not. But for this boy’s sake, maybe I would read it anyways, it’s not like I had anything to do beside being his sister everyday. I have been trying to ignore what he said at the restaurant with Vicky and Harry, but that was probably the only thing that I could replay it in my mind. I really wanted to put a bullet in my head just for the sake of me not to think about it again.

“I really want to ask you something,” Zayn cut me off from my thoughts. I looked up to him to meet his gaze. His hand wasn’t moving an inch from my shoulder though.

“Oh, here we go again with your unpredictability,” I said.

“No, it’s not something like that,” he chuckled. He led me to the cashier to pay for the book, I was about to fish out my wallet in my bag, but he quickly slipped out some bills to the store clerk before I even got the chance to let it out.

“Did I do something wrong back at the restaurant?” Zayn asked when we got out from Strands. The cold weather hit us directly as the wind blew right past our body, I was unconditionally relieved I wore my gloves tonight, I could’ve sworn my fingers would freeze from the unbearable temperature.

“What do you mean?” I looked up to him; even though I was a-hundred-percent positive that he was asking about that particular topic I’ve been avoiding to think about.

“You’re awfully a bit – off, back there.”

“I’m not sure if I get what you mean, Zayn,” I said again, turning my head away from Zayn. I wasn’t sure if I was able to look him in the eyes anymore.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

That was enough to make me blatantly looked up to him again. Only seeing his brown eyes that I loved so much staring back at me. I really didn’t know what to say to his face, so many thoughts rushed through my mind but I couldn’t find one single word that was good enough for him.

“You’d really think I couldn’t see it?” he said, stopping at his pace. Wrapping his fingers on my wrist. “Was it something I did?

I turned my gaze to my shoes. Slowly gathering the words that I wanted to say. “No, it was something you said.”

“What was it?” he didn’t say anything else, waiting for me to answer him.

“It’s nothing, Zayn. Really,” I sighed as I tried to continue on with my walk towards our car. “Can we go back? I’m tired.”

“Yeah, you gotta do better than that,” he said.

“I’m sorry?”

“Maybe I’m not the smartest person in the planet, Hannah, but I’m not stupid,” Zayn shook his head, “I can tell when somebody is lying to me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m not lying to you,” I sighed again. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’re killing me, Hannah.”

No, you’re killing me.

“I don’t want to torture you by these questions,” Zayn said, “I’m just dead curios right now.”

“I – I don’t want to talk about it,” I stuttered, “Can we move on now?”

Zayn only sighed as he kept his pace the same as mine as he walked beside me. I really didn’t want to talk about it. I have been doing a good job forgetting it before, now thanks to him for destroying my mood by bringing it up again.

It’s funny how he was the one who could practically boost my mood up but at the same time he could also be the one who tear myself apart to little pathetic pieces.

“I don’t get you, Hannah Adler. “

And you’d really think I get you, Zayn? No.

The ride back to the hotel was awfully awkward as we kept the silence filling in the moving vehicle. Zayn would try to ask again once in a while but I only shut him off by squeezing his hand.

“Now if you just tell me about this, I would gladly leave you alone and—“

“You really won’t give up, do you?” I asked, sighing for the nth time now as we walked towards our rooms.

“Nope,” he said, making the popping sound at the end.

I only laughed silently at him as I shoved my hand inside my bag to find my room key, but I could still feel his eyes staring at me.

“If only you just tell me, Hannah.” Zayn added again, “I won’t bug you anymore.”

“Can we just drop it—“

“Was it me? I mean, if it is me, then I’m just going to say I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did,” He said.

“No, it’s not just you,” I tried to say, “It’s me, it – it’s us,” my gaze never met his, I have been trying to keep away from his stare just for the sake of me not losing my mind again.

“Hannah, what are you—“

“It’s this, Zayn,” I said finally, holding up our hands, our fingers were still beautifully intertwined together, “What is this? I don’t get - us.”

Zayn only stayed silent as he kept his eyes at me. I could tell that thousands of questions were rushing through his mind. I stared at his eyes, looking for answers that he never seemed to give.

“I just don’t get all of this, what are we even doing?” I finally gathered up the courage to ask him about our relationship. Truth be told, I have been constantly asking myself the same question in my head, I really didn’t know what was going on between Zayn and I. The only thing I cared about that I was happy when I was with him. He gave me that feeling like I could start trusting people again. But what I really had no idea about was how he saw our relationship.

“Hannah, are you seriously thinking—“

“What are we, Zayn?” I asked again, “I just want an answer, what are we doing?”

He stared at me with those eyes, I felt myself waiting for whatever he was going to say. “But I thought we are just having fun,” said Zayn, raising his eyebrows, looking confused. “Weren’t you?”

I was just too lost in his gaze; I couldn’t even let out a single word from my mouth.

“Weren’t you, Hannah?”

“I – I,” I stuttered, I really didn’t know what to say, heck, I really didn’t know what to think. This guy really knew how to mess with my mind. “I don’t know, Zayn. You tell me.”

“No, you tell me, Hannah. What do you think we were doing?”

“I don’t know,” but I’m sure as hell it was something more than just friends.

Zayn didn’t let go from his gaze. I saw a flash of confusion in his eyes for a second there. “Well, whatever it is you are thinking. I’m sorry. I just don’t see you that way.”

He said those words as if he could read everything that was going on in my head. It was all pretty clear now, that we would never be more than friends.

Zayn remained silent in his spot, never for a second removing his hand from mine, instead, he stayed there, fixing his eyes on me.

“Okay,” I choked out the word slowly. “Thank you for clearing that up, I just don’t want to get my hopes up with you.”

I could see the surprise in his eyes, as if he did not expect me saying those words at all. There were a couple of seconds before he opened his mouth again.

“Hannah, I—“

“It’s fine, Zayn.”

“No, it’s not. I didn’t know you have those kind of feelings for me.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I stifled a laugh, feeling a bit pathetic for saying those words. I was pretty positive I really looked like an idiot in front of him.

“Hannah, I’m sorry.” Zayn said again, “I – I really don’t know.”

“It’s fine, Zayn. It really is.” I said, even though I wasn’t quite sure if I was talking the truth or not.

“Don’t get me wrong though,” he said, lifting my face up to meet his gaze. “I really, really like you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” I forced a smile at him.

“Now I feel like I’m the bad guy,” he said.

“Don’t be,” I chuckled. Blame feelings for this.

“What do you think we should do about this?” he suddenly asked.

I turned my eyes away from him. Feeling as confused as ever as I tried to think out the solution. We obviously couldn’t continue whatever it was that we were doing, it would only lead us to more questions and feelings that we both choose to avoid.

“Maybe we should just give each other some space,” I said, looking up to him.

Zayn only stared back at me with his warm eyes, “You really think so?”

“Yeah, I – I really think I need it. We both do,” I responded.

“If it’s that what you want,” said Zayn after a short pause, his voice was almost a whisper.

There was nothing that I wanted to do more than to kiss him, wiping away all of the things that happened today and just move on the way things were. I couldn’t bear seeing his eyes anymore, they seemed to look, hurt, and that was the last thing I wanted to do to him.

“You should go to sleep,” Zayn suddenly said, smiling meaningfully at me. “You said you were tired.”

“Yeah,” I nodded, not really knowing what else to say to him “Goodnight, Zayn.”

“’Night, Hannah.” He said. He was about to head back to his suite, but something made him stopped in his tracks and turned to me once again, “A hug maybe, one last time?”

I only smiled weakly and embraced him with a hug, wrapping my arms around his body. I buried my face in his chest, slowly taking in his scent that I loved so much. He squeezed me gently and planted a kiss on my forehead before we said our goodnights and head back to our rooms.

As much as I was glad we made everything straight, I never wanted to let go.