Fix Me

That unwanted pain was back in Josh’s head. It gnawed at his brain and destroyed his conscience. He couldn’t concentrate in History class whatsoever. He knew what he needed to get rid of it, and he could hardly wait for his opportunity to solve his problem.
As soon as the bell rang, Josh booked it back to his locker and traded his binder for his bag. As nonchalantly as he could he walked towards the side doors of the school. Just as he was pushing one of them open, he felt a pair of eyes on him. Looking to his right, he saw Matt staring at him. Josh would’ve been enraged if he wasn’t so off-put by Matt’s gaze. He was staring at Josh with an almost knowing, if shameful, look. His brown eyes fell on Josh’s bag and they darkened.
Josh pushed his way past the double doors and away from Matt. He didn’t have time to worry about what Webb did or didn’t know about him. He just needed to pump his veins full of heroin and make this crappy day easier.
Double-checking for onlookers, Josh snuck around the school to the place where he first met Xavier. It felt a bit surreal to him. The last time he’d been there, he’d been dealing with relatively minor problems and now he was addicted to heroin, cutting and throwing up his food. Everything had started right in the place he was standing. Nevertheless, Josh kneeled down on the gravel by a shed. The shade from the small building concealed him a bit better and he took comfort in it.
He took out his drugs and put some into a blackened spoon. With a shaky hand, he held his lighter underneath the spoon to melt the heroin. He waited impatiently for the powdery substance to melt, and when it finally did he pulled it all up into a new syringe. Quickly he put everything else back in its concealed spot in his bag and pulled out a spare belt to tie around his arm. It took awhile, but eventually he found the faint blue vein in his forearm and punctured it with the needle, releasing the heroin into his system once more. Josh relaxed against the side of the building as the drug flowed through his body. He waited for a moment and felt the pain in his head slowly disappear, along with the pain in his side. Everything was better now. He was back in his land of safety where nothing ever hurt him…
“Kind of a sketchy shoot-up place, don’t you think, Ramsay? Your little girlfriend could find you easily. I mean, we did.” A familiar voice broke Josh’s moment, and his eyes fluttered open to see exactly what he’d expected.
Xavier, Bree, Jeremy and Raven were standing a few feet away from Josh, who still held the needle in his hand. They all eyed him darkly now, as if he was the enemy.
Quickly, Josh stood up and backed against the shed. His side ached slightly in remembrance of what Xavier had done to it.
“Nice performance in the hallway earlier,” Jeremy said loudly. “Trying to protect her from you or what?”
“I won’t let you touch her!” Josh exclaimed angrily. Just the thought of one of them putting their hands on her put poison in his mouth. “None of you.”
Bree chuckled and looked at him like he was a baby. “How romantic.” she cooed.
“The thing you don’t understand is,” Xavier began, “it’s incredibly easy to get to her. Nothing you can do will stop us, especially not thinking she’s safer without you. And just think, you did this to her all by yourself.”
“Why are you doing this, Xavier?” Josh begged. “I didn’t do anything to you.”
Xavier looked out to the sky, completely disregarding Josh’s question. “You notice how everything has been like a roller coaster lately?” he asked. “Everything is great and you’re on top of the world, then, right before your eyes, everything starts to fall down. It makes you feel sick and completely disoriented. You want nothing more than to make things better again. That’s what the heroin does to you. At least, that’s what it does to you when you still allow yourself to have a conscience.”
Josh narrowed his eyes. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say to me…”
“I’m trying to say that I didn’t hurt you, you did. I won’t be the one to hurt Kali, you will be; all in your desperate scramble to right things. Think about it, Ramsay. Make the right choices for everyone here. You have two loves now, Kali and the H. You just need to pick one.” Xavier walked up to Josh and put his hand heavily onto his shoulder. “Remember, you can dump Kali, but the H will be damned if you’re going to dump it.” He patted Josh’s shoulder twice and then walked away with the rest of the group, leaving Josh reeling with heroin and confusion.