Fix Me

The salty ocean air whipped at his face, tossing his hair around. He ignored it and continued creating music for the lyrics he’d already written. His music was what mattered most to him. Well, the music and Kali.
Josh was softly singing the words he’d written out in different tones and pitches, trying to make it work with the music he was creating in his head. He didn’t have any instrument in the rehab he could play, so his imagination would have to do for now.
“Try a little more, a little more, a little more…they slap you like a bitch and you take it like a whore…” he murmured. He tapped his foot against the wooden deck he sat on in time with the unheard beat. It was a song he’d written about Bree. He’d been especially angry at her one day as he sat on the navy blue bed. He’d let the anger stew inside him for awhile until he couldn’t take it anymore. The result was a little piece he liked to call “Shake Tramp.”
He was just working on the chorus when the patio doors opened up and Nurse Lindsey poked her cheery head out at him.
“Josh your family is here to see you.” Was it just him, or was her smile especially bright and wide today?
“’Kay,” he mumbled.
Josh stood up slowly, his muscles aching with each movement. He’d had a rough sleep and being without heroin had put a lot of stress on him. His joints groaned in protest as he walked.
He stowed his notebook away in his bedroom before walking gingerly down the hallway to the front desk. His parents were both there, beaming at him.
Josh quirked an eyebrow. “What’s the occasion?” he asked.
“We’ve got permission to take you out for a couple hours,” Miles said proudly.
“Out? As in, away from this place?” Josh’s eyes widened. He didn’t even think that was possible.
“Yes, sweetheart. We’ll take you for lunch and maybe you’ll see your friends.” Corlynn grinned at her son, who was looking completely shocked.
Josh’s heart jumped in his chest at the mention of seeing his friends. Kali.
“Okay,” he murmured, “can we go now?”
“Of course,” Miles nodded his head towards the front doors. “C’mon, son.”
Josh smiled for the first time in weeks and happily trailed his parents out of the rehab. Surely it couldn’t be this easy to get out for awhile? There had to be a catch. Maybe an extra long session with Dr. Parker was in order. Or double group sessions. Oh well, Josh didn’t care. He was just happy to get out.
The breeze felt better than it had before when he walked out those doors. It felt more rewarding and pleasing. His parents were discussing where they would go for lunch, but Josh was hardly listening. He was walking on the sidewalk! He was getting into his parent’s car again! He was—for the moment—free! His legs bounced with excitement in the backseat. He was like a puppy that had gotten a treat for being good. He took in the sunny Vancouver sights outside his window. The weather couldn’t have picked a better day to not rain.
His parents picked a quaint little restaurant in the artsy side of town. It was cool and cozy inside and Josh relaxed instantly. He settled into the comfy black leather booth and lifted up a menu. How weird is this? He thought. I’m actually sitting down to eat with my parents at a restaurant and I don’t want to purge after. Wow.
The small family ate their food and talked for awhile. Corlynn and Miles told Josh about his sister, Sara, and how she was sending him well wishes. Josh realized how much he missed his sister; he hadn’t seen her in the longest time.
“So, any friends you planned on seeing while we have you, jail breaker?” Miles asked while he rifled through his wallet for a tip.
I have one in mind, if only I was sure she wanted to see me, Josh sighed mentally. “I don’t really want to go looking for anyone…” he answered with a shrug.
“Your friends miss you, sweetie. We can take you to them.” Corlynn smiled warmly.
“It’s okay, mom. I don’t mind spending time with just you and dad.” Josh smiled back softly and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom…to pee, I promise.”
Both Miles and Corlynn blanched, but quickly recovered.
“We believe you, son. You’ve improved a great deal. We’re proud of you.” Miles nodded once at Josh.
“Thanks, dad.” Again Josh smiled and his chest filled with pride. After all that had happened, his parents could still find it in themselves to be proud of him. It made him feel…good. Really good.
Josh walked across the small restaurant and found the ‘Washrooms’ sign. He followed the black hallway with a smile still stuck on his face.
Just when he was about to push open the door to the men’s room, it opened and someone walked out right into him. Josh stumbled backward but caught himself with the wall.
“Shit! Sorry—” A familiar voice cut short and Josh opened his shocked eyes to a pair of wide brown ones. Matt.
Neither boy said anything for a minute or two. They both just stood there in silence, neither one of them knowing what they wanted to do.
Finally, Matt spoke up. “Josh?” he asked in a whisper. “Is it really you?”
“Uh,” Josh stammered. Was he the only one feeling slightly awkward? The last time he’d seen Matt they’d wanted to kill each other. And Matt had ratted his secret. Josh bit it back though and offered a weak “Hi.”
“Holy shit,” Matt threw his arms around Josh’s shoulders and hugged him. “You’re out of rehab? How do you feel?”
Josh was taken aback. Hesitantly, he patted Matt’s shoulders. “No, my parents just took me out for a couple hours…but I’m better.” he murmured.
“Wow, I can’t believe it…” Matt looked at his friend and a grin spread across his face.
Josh laughed tensely. “Yeah…”
“Look, I’m so sorry for everything, man,” Matt’s words tumbled out of his mouth. “I shouldn’t have gotten in your face about Kali. You can have her, she’s all yours. She was always yours in the first place and I’m sorry for trying to take that away from you. And I’m especially sorry for opening my mouth. The wrong people overheard and…well, I can’t even forgive myself for it so if you don’t I understand.”
Josh blinked at him. All his awkwardness and dislike washed away and he smiled warmly at Matt.
“If it wasn’t for you I’d likely be keeping up the same old habits. So, I forgive you, and I thank you. And also I’m sorry for giving you a black eye.” Josh smirked.
Matt’s grin was back and his eyes sparkled happily. “No worries. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too. I have to actually use the washroom now, though, so have fun with your lunch or…whatever.” Josh chuckled.
“Thanks, man. I’m here on a date, actually. I shouldn’t keep Chelsea waiting.” Matt winked.
Josh’s eyes widened. “Chelsea? Kali’s friend?”
“Yeah…why?”
“Don’t tell her you saw me. She’ll tell Kali and I don’t want her to think I didn’t want to see her or something…”
“Okay, man. I promise. See you soon?”
“Real soon.”
The boys parted and Josh walked into the bathroom, sliding down to the floor against the wall. He ran both hands through his hair and sighed.
Kali…what do I do?

“It’s such a beautiful day outside,” Corlynn smiled. She looped her arm through her husband’s and looked around at the warm spring day.
“Yeah, it’s rare.” Josh nodded. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his grey jeans and breathed in the fresh air. His time was almost up and he wanted to make the best of it while he still could.
“Oh, look!” Corlynn pointed at a small brick building tucked in between two stone ones. “I used to bring Sara to this dance studio when she was younger.”
Josh looked at the small building as he strolled by. It was modest and quaint and old. A faded sign jutting out above the door proclaimed “Northern Lights Dance Studio”. There was a large viewing window cut into the brick and mortar, revealing a spacious dance room with one single dancer in it.
Suddenly Josh stopped in his tracks. He watched the dancer with wide eyes and his heart got stuck in his throat. It was Kali.
Kali had been dancing since she was five years old and she was very good at it, although she’d be the last person to brag about it. At that moment she was dressed in black leggings and a flowing navy top. Her hair was back in a long swaying ponytail that followed her as she moved. She leaped across the room, spinning and stepping. She moved so fast and gracefully it was like watching water. Josh couldn’t take his eyes off of her.
She stumbled slightly on one move and stopped altogether, entangling her fingers in her hair. She looked entirely frustrated and stressed while she paced back and forth. She kicked at a wall in her confusion and Josh could practically hear her sighing.
He swallowed hard. She was right there in front of him. All he had to do was walk through the door and he could figure everything out. All he had to do was walk in there and kiss her once…
“Josh? Are you coming?” His mom asked. Corlynn and Miles were quite a few feet ahead of Josh now. “We have to get you back to the rehabilitation centre now.”
Josh chewed his lip and looked from his parents back to Kali, who was still looking frustrated with herself. He sighed and walked away from the dance studio.
“Yeah, I’m coming.” he mumbled.
That familiar sad longing cut into his chest. He couldn’t describe how badly he wanted to walk into that dance studio and kiss her frustration away. He could take it all away from her. But he knew it’d have to wait. Soon he’d be able to really have her all to himself, and he’d make sure the moment was as perfect as she was.

Kali stopped her frustrated pacing and turned her attention to the large viewing window. No one was there, but she could’ve sworn she felt someone’s eyes on her just a moment before…
With a sigh she let it go and restarted her music. The dancing wasn’t taking her mind off of things the way she’d expected it to, but now that she’d started she couldn’t stop until she had it perfect. But no matter how hard she practiced, that same nagging thought bit at the back of her mind, repeating itself over and over again. It was like a mantra that burned itself into her brain, 100% true and strong…
I’m in love with my best friend.