Fix Me

“Today’s the day, Josh. Can you believe it?” Nurse Lindsey asked as she pulled Josh’s schedule off the wall.
Josh zipped up his suitcase and looked around at the four bare walls he’d called home for two months. Shaking his head in disbelief he answered, “No, I can’t. But I’m so ready to leave.”
With one final check-in with Dr. Parker, Josh was given the go-ahead to leave the rehabilitation centre for good. He could barely believe those words when they were spoken to him: “Congratulations, you can go home.” He felt like he was walking on air; he felt clean. He didn’t crave the high or the numb feeling anymore. All he craved was his own bedroom and his old life with his old friends. He wondered how many of them would still want to be friends with him knowing he’d been in rehab, but he didn’t let it bug him. Nothing was going to bug him today.
“Oh, Josh, you did it,” Josh hadn’t even made it to the end of the hallway yet and Corlynn Ramsay was tearing up. “How do you feel?”
“I feel like myself again, mom,” Josh smiled and enveloped his mother in a hug.
“Good job, Josh. We’re proud.” Miles hugged his son and patted him on the back with a heavy hand.
“Thanks, dad. Let’s go home, please.” The family left the rehab centre and headed for home. Josh’s heart was in his throat and the smile on his face wasn’t fading anytime soon. He did feel clean and he did feel like himself. He was going home, back to his room and his modest house on Acadia Road. He was going back to his instruments with a whole pile of new songs to create, he was going back to his friends, and he was going back to Kali.
All day Josh couldn’t get her out of his mind. He thought of her while he unpacked and put everything back in its spot, he thought of her while he discussed his experiences with his parents, he thought of her while he called his sister. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get her off his mind, although he’d be the first to admit he didn’t try too hard.
While Josh sat in his room, organizing his belongings, he found a bag under his bed. Biting his lip in hopes it wouldn’t be something bad, he pulled it out and opened it. Inside were the remnants of the hair dye Kali had used on him. With bright eyes he got an idea and locked himself in his bathroom.
Snapping on the black gloves, Josh inhaled deeply. “Alright, let’s give this a shot.”
It took him nearly two hours to do it just right, but when Josh stepped out of the shower and dried his hair, it was black and blue once again. It took him awhile to scrub the spots of dye off his face and neck as well but he was satisfied with the end result.
When he had his hair done the way he wanted it, he pulled on grey skinny jeans, looped a belt through the holes, pulled on a black button-up shirt and tied a red tie loosely around his neck. He was clean and he was new; alive again. He wanted to portray that when he finally did what he should’ve done a long time ago.
Josh bounded up the stairs and found his parents in the living room. Corlynn looked up and smiled at her son.
“Well, don’t you look nice,” she complimented. “What’s the occasion?”
“Mom, Dad,” Josh stammered, “I know you might be a little hesitant to let me leave the house after everything, but you trust I’m clean now…or at least I hope you do. There’s just something I have to do; someone I have to see…”
“Who?” Miles asked. His tone was hesitant.
Josh played with his fingers and took a deep breath in. He was going to have to tell them the whole truth if they were going to let him go. “I have to go see Kali because I need to tell her something really important that I should’ve said a long, long time ago…”
Corlynn looked at her son, concerned. “What is it?”
“I—I’m in love with her, mom.” The words came out so quiet and timid, but as soon as they’d left his lips Josh felt a little better.
Corlynn’s mouth opened in a gasp and Miles’s eyebrows shot up.
“Are you—really?” Corlynn asked.
“Yes, mom, really. Please, can I go?” Josh bounced on the balls of his feet.
“Go, Josh. Just be careful.” Miles surprised everyone by being the one to speak. He nodded at his son, who gave him a blinding grin and a rushed “thank you” as he ran out the front door.
“That was sweet of you,” Corlynn smiled at her husband.
“Well, I was the same way with you when I was that age,” Miles responded, flipping the page of his newspaper. “Plus, I could see it in his face. He’s head over heels already, might as well let him release the inevitable.”

Josh bounded up the driveway to Kali’s house, trying his best not to choke on his pounding heart. He was so nervous he felt light headed, but he knew he needed to push through that. He’d do whatever it took to tell Kali how he felt and he was determined to do just that.
With a shaking fist Josh pounded on the front door and bounced from foot to foot, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself as the door opened, revealing Kali’s mother.
Her eyes got wide at the sight of Josh and her mouth dropped open. She stammered for a moment before composing herself enough to speak.
“Josh?” she asked, astounded.
“Oh, hi, Mrs. Cooper,” Josh smiled at her warmly. “Uh, is Kali home?”
“Actually, she’s not…she should be at the café, though, if you wanted to check there.”
Josh was down the stairs and running down the driveway before Mrs. Cooper could even finish speaking.
“Thank you!” he called graciously as he got into his car and peeled out of their driveway.

“Kali? Kali!” Josh ran throughout the shop in search of her. She wasn’t in the front or the back, but he knew she was here because the door had been unlocked. That left only one place for her to be, and that was up.
Josh ran up the stairs three at a time and when he finally reached the faded blue door that opened to the roof of the building, he paused. He caught his breath and composed himself, reminding himself exactly what he was there to do.
I love you, I love you…Kali, I love you. He repeated the mantra over and over again in his head, preparing himself. He said the words without any sound to get a feel for them on his tongue. They felt so right already. I can do this, he told himself.
With one final deep breath in, he wrapped his fingers around the cool metal doorknob and blew out the air in his lungs. Slowly he pushed open the door that would reveal one of the most important moments of his life so far.