It Feels Like I'm Falling In Love Alone

“Your shower is better than mine.” I smiled walking out of Ash's bathroom and climbing into bed with him. I wasn't wearing much, just some black boxer briefs and one of Ash's old shirts that looked like a label for a bottle of whiskey.

“That's because I got the head replaced.” he smiled down at me. I buried myself underneath his mountain of blankets.

“This is comfortable.” I sighed as he wrapped his arms around me.

“It's even better, now that you're here with me.” he kissed my temple before reaching up to turn off the lamp on his side of the room. “Goodnight Bright Eyes.”

“Goodnight Ashes.” I closed my eyes, attempting to fall asleep, but I couldn't. Ashley was distracting me. He was holding me, something I've wanted for a long time, and rubbing idle circles in my side. It was soothing, but still distracting. I rolled over to face him.

“Hey, Ashley, are you up?” I whispered. I poked him in the face lightly, nothing. He's out. I started playing with some of his hair, twirling around my finger, braiding it, twisting it. It was soft and silky. I let my fingers rest lightly on his cheek as I trailed them down his neck and slowing on his bare chest. His skin was soft too. I let my fingers slide down his chest, stopping on his outlaw tattoo. I remember the day I went with him to get it filled. He was trying not to cry, even though I knew he wanted to. That was the same day I had gotten my Morticians Daughter tattoo, which was another song I wrote about him, but I'd rather not get into that one.

I let my fingers wander all the way down to the band of Ash's boxers. With him being my boyfriend, I should be allowed to look whenever I wanted, right? I haven't seen him naked in forever. I slipped one finger under the band, then another, and another. I bit my lip, looked up at Ash to make sure he was asleep and pulled slightly at the band. I jumped a million miles out of my own skin when Ash's hand stopped me.

“I wouldn't do that if you're still standing firm on the no sex thing.” He chuckled pulling my hand away.

“Killjoy.” I huffed.

“I'm serious. If you let the tiger out of his cage, he'll never want to go back in, unless you put him to sleep.” He winked at me.

“Not funny. Go to sleep.” I smiled rolling over.

“If it weren't funny, you wouldn't be laughing right now.”

“Shut up.” I smiled managing to fall asleep.

“So! How was your date last night? Tell Mama CC everything.” CC smiled sitting next to me at the table with a giant bowl of sugar cereal.

“He took me to dinner, then a romantic walk on the beach. That's about it.” I smiled.

“Something else happened didn't it? Did you two have... you know.” he laughed.

“No. We just slept in the same bed. I'm not ready for that kind of thing.”

“Huh. That's no fun.” he huffed.

“Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I'm a simple person, I loved the date.”

“Yeah, but more interesting things could have happened at the end, if you know what I mean.” C laughed wiggling his eyebrows.

“Stop it Chuppy. It's not like you and Jake did it on your first-”

“Yes we did. Twice.” He laughed. My mouth was hanging half open.

“TWICE?!”

“Yeah. Once in the car and again when he got me home. Oh god! That was a good date. Of course, we were both really drunk. Then we did it again when we woke up the next morning. He was a horny little devil.” He laughed. I could never look at Jake the same way again.

“Morning everybody.” Ash smiled walking into the kitchen and grabbing a cup of coffee. He sat next to me and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey Bright Eyes.”

“Hey Ashes.” I smiled at him, not wanting to look away from him.

“Look! My babies are so grown up. Papa would be proud.” CC laughed. I slapped his arm.

“Stop it.” I laughed.

“Hey Andy, can I talk to you for a sec?” Ash smiled nodding towards my room.

“Uh, sure.” I wonder what he wanted to talk about. I got up and followed him to my room, closing the door behind me. “What is it?” Ash turned to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him.

“I just wanted to be close to you.” He smiled at me. “Alone and without Mama and Papa breathing down or necks.” We laughed.

“When did they start being Mama and Papa again?”

“I don't know, but I think Jinxx started it.” We shared another laugh.

“Hey baby, remember last night, when you said my bed looked cold and lonely, and in need of some love?” I smiled.

“Yeah, I also remember you saying you didn't want to have sex this early.”

“I know, I know, but I never said anything about a heated make out session.” I pecked him on the lips once before letting him go and heading for my bed.

“Define 'heated make out session'. I need to know my limits.” Ash smiled following after me. He climbed in the bed and on top of me.

“Hmm... I guess no limits, but don't move too fast. I really do want to have sex with you, but I'm terrified.”

“Don't worry. I'll move slow. Honestly, this is my first time with a guy.”

“This is my first time in general.” He smiled down at me, then looked away, worried.

“Th-this is your first time?” I nodded yes. “Then, maybe we should wait...” He trailed off. “I think it'll be for the best.”

“What do you mean” I wasn't sure what he meant, I'm giving him the go ahead, and yet for some reason he's still wearing his cloths.

“Andy, listen to me.” He rolled off of me and laid next to me, pulling me into him. “Your virginity is something special, and you should only give it to someone you truly love more than anything in the world. You should save it, hold on to it for dear life.” He started petting me.

“But what if I do love you more than anything? Ash, yesterday, when we were at the beach, I told myself that I could live without anything in this world, just as long as I don't have to live without you. Do you think I would go through 5 years of depression if I didn't love you? I really do love you Ash, you know that, the problem is, do you love me?”

“Of course I do! I do love you Andy.”

“If you loved me, then you wouldn't question any of this. You wouldn't tell me to wait until I found someone I loved more than life. If you don't love me, then I don't love you. Remember that. A relationship is two people, not one. If one loves, and the other doesn't, then it's the same as neither of us loving each other. Now answer me with the truth, Ashley Purdy, do you love me or not?”

“Of course I love you. I love you Andy, and I'm sorry it took me this long to see it, I really am.”

“Good. Now don't you ever question my love for you again.” I smiled crashing my lips against his and pulling him into me.