It Feels Like I'm Falling In Love Alone

Chapter 15: I'm Not Giving Up, I'm Not Giving In

“Hotel tonight.” Jake smiled at CC. They started giggling and flirting with each other while the rest of us were getting ready to go on stage. “Don't we have a week off now?” Jake asked.
“Yeah...” Jinxx looked at them both with a questioning look. “Hey, you guys wanna trade rooms if I get stuck next to them?” He asked walking over to me and Ash.
“I don't think that'll make much of a difference Jinxxy.” Ash smiled kissing me on the cheek. Jinxx stormed off with a groan.
“Um, actually Ash, I don't want to do that, right now.” He had a surprised look on his face.
“What about the other day? Our heated make out session?” He smiled moving closer to me.
“I know, I know, but do you think that being on tour would be the best time to do it? I mean, what if we get addicted to it, and then we can't have our fun with the guys always being around. I think it'll be for the best if we wait, OK?”
“Alright. Whatever you say baby.” He smiled kissing me and and going to get his bass. Well, that didn't turn out the way I was expecting. He was actually OK with this? Or maybe he's putting up a front. I don't even know what to think anymore.
“Two minutes guys!” I heard the stage director call into our room. We all filed out to get on stage, Ash gave my hand one little squeeze for good luck.

“It was completely unfair!” I yelled. Monte and I were standing outside his bus getting ready to go to the hotel for the night. “He did everything in his power to look unbelievably sexy on stage tonight.”
“Calm down Andy it wasn't that bad.” He chuckled taking another drag from his cigarette.
“It was. He did everything in the book. Shaking his hips, licking his bass, grabbing me, kissing me, rubbing against me. He's driving me crazy and I want him so bad.” I was pacing back and forth and Monte was laughing at me.
“Just stay strong bro.” He stretched. Max came off their bus, poking his head out the door.
“Baby, it's time to go. Hey Andy.” he smiled.
“Hey.”I waved at him.
“Listen Andy, it's not gonna be bad. Just don't give in to him. Talk to you later?” He half waved and climbed on his bus.
“Yeah. Later.” I mumbled and started walking back to my bus. I didn't know what to do. Ash was seriously playing hard to resist on stage. I have a feeling that this won't be the end of it either because when I got back on the bus he was walking around in his underwear and cowboy hat. I swallowed hard at the sight of him because I wanted him, and I wanted him bad.
“Hey Baby! Wanna party tonight?” He was drunk and falling everywhere. I let out a little sigh and pulled him into a hug.
“Ashes, you're drunk.” I chuckled.
“I'm not that drunk. Maybe jus a lil.” He smiled putting his hat on my head.
“You're sluring your words together. You're drunk.”
“Alright, I'm drunk.” He laughed. “Baby, can I ask you somfin?” He leaned into me.
“Anything.”
“Why don't you wanna fuck me? I've been a naughty lil boy and I need to be punished.” He chuckled kissing me. I could smell and taste the whiskey on him. My pants were already feeling tight, now they're just getting tighter.
“Sober up and maybe I'll tell you why.” I smiled. He huffed at me and looked at me through his hair.
“Fine. You love me right?” He asked.
“Of course I love you.” I kissed his forehead. Not having sex with someone doesn't mean that you love them any less, right?

“I'm never gonna drink again!” Ash yelled from the bathroom. He walked back into the room and laid face first on the bed.
“You say that every time you get drunk like that. Come here.” I opened my arms to him and he climbed into my lap. I rocked him back and forth slowly so he could fall asleep.
“Andy, I still wanna know.”
“Wanna know what baby?”
“Why won't you have sex with me? Am I not enough?”
“It's not that-”
“Then what?” He snapped. I shied away from him. “I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to yell.”
“I just don't want to. Is that not enough?” I looked away.
“You wanted to before we went on tour. What happened that made you not want to anymore?”
“I...” I didn't know weather or not to tell him. I mean, if he knew, how would he react? I mean, if he ever told me that he was testing me to see if I loved him by not having sex with me I would feel bad that he doesn't believe I love him. Fuck.
“You what?”
“I was talking to Monte the other day about how much I wanted a relationship like CC's and Jake's or Jinxx and Sammi's...” I stopped. I felt like a child afraid to tell the truth because I might get in trouble. I was playing with my thumbs and looking at anything other than him.
“Go on.” He nudged me with his finger.
“And I told Monte that I was afraid you only wanted me for my body. So we came up with a plan that I would abstain from sex to see if you could go the entire tour... without... sex.” I didn't want to look at him. We sat in that silence for what felt like an eternity until I heard Ash chuckling. I looked up at him and he was almost in tears laughing. “W-what's so funny?”
“This whole thing. Andy, I respect you enough to wait, I was just curious. This whole time I thought you actually didn't love me. Remember when we were about to first have sex and I told you your virginity is something you give to someone you truly love? I thought you had changed your mind about me.”
“I would never do that! You're my world. I love you more than anything.”
“I know, I know and I love you too, but now I don't think I'm being treated fairly.”
“How so?”
“You made me wait.”
“Yeah, for like three weeks. I've been waiting 5 years. How bad do you think I feel?”
“I bet if this whole thing were a contest you'd snap first.”
“No I wouldn't. You're a notorious horndog, you'd definitely snap first.”
“Is that right?” He chuckled getting off the bed.
“Yeah. That's right.”
“Fine. Lets make it a contest then. First to crack looses. Winner gets to do whatever he wants to to the looser?”
“Sounds great to me. Get ready to be fucked nice and hard Ashley Purdy.” I laughed.

“THIS IS KILLING ME!!” I yelled. Monte and I were going for a walk around the town we were in. I let him in on Ash and mine's new contest. “I don't know why I even agreed to this. Do you know what he was doing this morning?”
“It honestly can't be that bad. What was he doing?” Monte chuckled lighting a cigarette and handing me one. I lit it and took a long drag from it. These things are bad for me, but they help take the edge off.
“Masturbating.”
“WHAT?!” Monte choked on the smoke. “He was doing what?”
“You heard me. Laying in bed right next to me. Jacking off. Basically screaming and moaning my name. I wanted to touch him. When he saw me looking at me, his eyes, he was begging for me to just fuck him.”
“What did you do? How the hell did you get out of that?”
“I got out of that bed, half fucking hard, and locked myself in the bathroom. Cold showers are a bitch.” I sighed. “This is pure hell Monte. I don't know what to do.”
“If the worse thing that can happen to you is sex, then I say just cave.” He laughed.
“That's not the worse thing that can happen. Knowing Ash he'll gloat about it to everyone. Then he'll think he owns me and treat me however he wants.” Why the hell does that get me excited?!
“I think you're over thinking it. Honestly. Do the guys know?”
“Ash told them this morning. Everyone's rooting against me, except Sammi. She's on my side.” Sammi always had my back.
“Andy, you two are over thinking all of this. Nothing good can come of it.”
“I'll take your word for it.” I grumbled.