It Feels Like I'm Falling In Love Alone

I spent most of the day fantasizing about Ashley. If I wouldn’t have run away from him in the stairwell, then maybe I could have kissed him. We could be dating one another if I weren’t such an idiot. I grumbled and slammed my head into my desk. It was last period, I was itching to leave so I could be with Ashley, and honestly, we were nearing the last week of school. After this week we would all be free from this bull shit school.
“Now class, your final will be all about what we learned this semester. You know logarithms and rational number theories. All that stuff.” My math teacher smiled. She was a nice woman, but I couldn’t stand math; really. The guy who made it can suck my dick.
“Now I’ll pass around your previews. Everyone take one and pass it back. I’ll expect these on my desk first thing Friday.” She passed back a stack of stapled papers. This was going to be hell, but Ashley was staying over at my house this weekend, so he should be able to help me with it. I finally got my packet. Seven pages, front and back, full of shit that I didn’t understand. Fuck this, honestly. I have a good enough grade in this class to exempt this test, might as well do it, right?
I slowly raised my hand. “Yes Andrew?” I shuddered a little at being called by my full first name. No one but her called me that.
“If we’re exempting the test, do we still have to do the preview?” I asked. I wasn’t used to talking in front of the kids in my class. A lot of them turned at the sound of my voice. These kids expected to hear little awkward squeaks coming from the scrawny ‘emo’ kid, but they were wrong. Despite my looks, my voice has always been pretty deep. It’s Ash that has somewhat of a high voice for a guy; it was a little deep, but still kinda high, if that makes any sense.
“Yes. Even if you’re exempting the test, you still have to do the preview. It’s a separate grade.” My teacher piled all the extra packets on her desk. There was a collective groan from the other kids who were planning on exempting as well. “Oh stop complaining. I’m sure your other teachers are doing it too.”
The final bell rang. Finally! Freedom! I basically shoved the review into my bag and ran to my car. Ash was standing there, as perfect as he was this morning, waiting with his sunglasses on, headphones in, looking down. I walked up to him and just stood there, I could hear his music from where I was. I waved my hand in his face. His eyes were closed. I swallowed hard, I could do it. I could kiss him. No Andy, that’s wrong. I poked him one good time in the arm.
“Ow. That hurt.” He complained.
“Don’t be such a bitch.” I laughed. “Ready to go?”
“Yeah.”
I unlocked the doors and we climbed in. “Wanna listen to Kiss?” I asked staring the car and pulling out of the small lot and waiting in the line to leave the student parking lot.
“Sure why not.” He smiled reaching in the back seat for Bat Koala. He hugged it tight. “I’m gonna miss this little guy. He’d been sitting in my room for the past two months.” He trailed off, obviously lost in thought. “Actually, he might know a little too much. Best he lives with you now.” He laughed. I felt as if my heart skipped a beat when he said it had been sitting in his room the past two months. He had planned out my birthday present. I smiled and put in the CD. We spent the entire ride making jokes and singing at the tops of our lungs. Like I said, I have a lot of fun hanging out with Ashley.
I pulled up to his house and parked the car.
“You’ve got ten minutes. I don’t want to be stuck in this car all day.” I ran a hand through my hair.
“Andy, why don’t you come inside? I think it’ll take too long to find all my shit.” He laughed. I got out of the car and walked with Ash past the white picket fence and up the small steps leading to his front door. He opened the door slowly and we walked in.
“Mom! You home?!” He yelled sitting his backpack on the floor.
“Kitchen!” A females voice called from the kitchen. We walked through the house and made our way to the kitchen. Ashley’s mom was standing at the stove cooking up a very fancy dinner. “Hey Ashley.” She smiled. “Well, if it isn’t Andy. I haven’t seen you in forever!” Mrs. Purdy was always so nice to me.
“Hi Mrs. Purdy.” I smiled at her.
“Is Ashley staying the entire weekend again?” she asked.
“Yeah Mom. I’ll be back Monday afternoon.” Ash said grabbing two bottles of coke from the fridge and handing me one.
“Great. Your dad and I are having our usual romantic weekend.” She was such a happy woman. I can see where Ashley gets his smile.
“Yeah, well, we’ll be upstairs getting my stuff together. Later.” Ash grabbed my hand and pulled me to his room. I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to have him close the door and pin me down by my hips, attacking my lips with a great force. I bet my face was super red, but I didn’t care. Ashley turned on the light and started moving around his room. It wasn’t as clean as mine, cloths all over the floor, desk covered in work from school and with our band.
“Did you ever think of any names?” I asked him, sitting the bottle of Coke on the night stand and having a seat on his bed and grabbing one of his pillows. I liked sitting in Ash’s bed, it smelled like him.
“Stolen Hearts?” He asked picking up his black duffel bag and throwing it on the bed.
“Interesting; put a pin in that one.” I said stretching and laying out on his bed.
“Did you come up with anything?” He asked walking into his closet.
“Well, a couple things. But I don’t know…” I trailed off rolling onto my back.
“Aww, c’mon. Tell me.” He said standing over me. I swallowed hard. I wanted him to take me, to deflower me. I wish he would just attack me with the same amount of lust and love that I have for him.
“Black Veil Brides.” I said.
“Andy, that’s brilliant!” He said tackling me. He hugged me tight into him, my face was probably a very obvious shade of red. When he let go he continued to pack all of his stuff, but I stayed laying there in a daze. “I can’t wait to tell the guys tomorrow.” He smiled.
“Y-yeah.” I cleared my throat. “I can’t wait either.” I couldn’t get up. I was still thinking about how close Ash had his body to mine. What could have happened if we were a couple? I really need to reign in these feelings and control my daydreams. I laid there, looking at the ceiling, thinking about Ash coming back into the room and kissing me deeply.
“Hey Andy, why is your face always red when we’re alone?” Ash asked zipping his bag and grabbing his bass from the corner of the room. It’s because I like you Ash. That’s why my face is always red. It’s because I want you to kiss me, I want yo have sex with you, I want to do so many things to and with you, but you’re straight, and I don’t think you would ever do those things with me.
“I have no idea. Maybe I’m allergic to you.” I laughed getting up. “Ready to go?” I smiled grabbing his bass and the bottle of Coke I left on the table. We made our way back downstairs, giving a quick goodbye to Mrs. Purdy.
“Hurry up and get to your house. There’s something I want to show you.” Ash smiled as I pulled away from his house.
“Calm down, it won’t take that long.” I laughed. Ash was kinda like me in some ways. We both got over excited about certain things. It was really cute. He was really cute. He was more than cute, he was sexy. I wanted to pull over and just jump on him, but I couldn’t.
I seriously need to find some way to calm down my thoughts. They might get me in trouble.