Wallflower

Once the sun rose, and it was an appropriate time to be up and about I went up again to visit Buckbeak. I could hear on the floor below me Fred and George being scolded for their actions and told that they would be cleaning the mess the muggle way. I snickered behind my hand at that, knowing that dried paint that stains was murder to try and clean. Justice was being served to a point, but I would still have to exact my revenge on Fred for my lost time of peace this morning. Most people would spend this time reading letters from their friends, responding to them, or such like that over the holidays. I did not. I didn’t have any friends at school, as I’ve said before, I pride myself in my invisibility. I did spend this time reading one letter though. I still held on to my father’s letters to me, every single one of them that he’d ever written. He always placed enchantments on them so that they wouldn’t decay, and I was thankful for this. I carried them in a leather bound book, magically binding all the letters in. I didn’t have this before, I only rectified this book after I found out about my father’s disappearance.

I flipped through the pages, reading the letters one by one with my father’s voice in my head reciting the words. At the end he signed R.A.B., his initials, in the lower right corner, in small print. He did this with all of his mail, but he never told me why. He would sign his name appropriately and add the initials, the family seal on the envelope. I always assumed it was family tradition, so I followed suit. I would sign my name, Carmine Rose Black, and then C.R.B. in the bottom right corner.

This reading usually took almost an entire day, there were so many letters. Tears would momentarily stain some, before the charms cleared them away, and my fingers would be littered with paper cuts by the time I was finished but it was always worth it just to hear his voice again. Once I finished reading, I allowed my fingers to linger on the last letter for a moment before I shut the book. On the cover was a picture of my father and I. It was taken when I was very young, during my first trip to Diagon Alley. Grandmother Walburga had taken the picture, we were both smiling and I was sitting on my knee, we were sharing an ice cream cone and he was tickling me. My hair had been up in pig-tails and there was innocence and excitement on my face that I knew would never exist again. Then again, who isn’t innocent when they’re just barely four years old? The photograph brought another set of tears to my eyes, this time the sobs were more violent. I hardly heard the hatch leading up to the attic open, but I soon felt the arms of my uncle wrap around me, comforting my pain.

“I just miss him so much Uncle, I don’t even know if he’s alive or if he’s ok!” I sobbed into his chest as he hugged me, and ran his fingers through my long, maroon hair. It always did soothe me when people did that, and when he did it, it reminded me of when Father used to brush my hair every night before bed without fail. It was hard for me to adjust to Hogwarts without him, I had too much pride to ever admit to it but I missed the simple gesture and the bond that we had.

Some time later, after I’d calmed down enough to just the odd sniffle and single tear we broke apart. He’d held me the whole time, like every other time I’d broken down around him. He looked at me without a word, just a smile and patted my shoulder before climbing back through the hatch and onto the third floor. I sighed out loud to myself, Buckbeak was asleep, he’d passed out some time during my break down. A moment passed and I followed Uncle Sirius through the hatch. He’d already cleared the floor, and I’d no idea where he’d gone but that was beside the point. What mattered was that I’d missed all meals today, and I’d worn myself out emotionally.

I climbed down the stairs without taking notice to much of anything, Grandmother Walburga was otherwise preoccupied, and there was really no one between here and the kitchen. My vision was still blurry and my eyes stung from the tears that I’d shed. I knew that they would be puffy and red, and my face would be blotchy. I was never an attractive crier, and not even time could change that. My hands rubbed furiously at my face and eyes trying to rid it of the red spots, but it was futile as I noticed when I looked in a mirror in the front foyer. I sighed discontentedly and pushed my way through the kitchen door none the less, my hunger getting the better of me.

It was late and most people weren’t in here anymore, the majority of the children had retired to bed. All that was left awake was myself, my uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and the twins. Usually I don’t care much for other people’s opinions about me, but rather than face certain ridicule for the rest of the summer I hid my unattractive face from the twin’s view.

“Oh Carmine, I was wondering when you were going to show up for a bite of food!” Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. “You know, a young woman like you, you should never miss out on a meal. You’re just skin and bones!” She muttered, sounding very motherly as she put together a plate for me from the supper left overs. I remained silent, not wanting to interrupt her ramblings. “No matter, I’ll have you all straightened out by the end of summer. Now here you go, Deary. I gave you an extra-large serving to make up for missing breakfast and lunch as well.” Molly said, setting down a heaping plate in front of me.

“Thank you Mrs. Weasley, very much.” I said gratefully, smiling up at her.

“Oh now, now Dear, it’s Molly, remember?” she reminded with a kind smile on her face.

I nodded simply before deciding place in which to start in concurring the mound of food. I knew already that I would never finish it all, but I didn’t want to put good food to waste, or insult Molly. Light conversation picked up around me, and as I ate I ran through a mental checklist of things that I would need to do soon. I knew that the full moon was coming up, so I would need to brew another batch of wolfsbane. I would also have to check my ingredient stores and go shopping soon to replenish my supplies.

Soon I became lost in thought of what needed to be done, and in what order. When I could find time to do certain things. I rose from my thoughts and knew that it was days like this when I wished I didn’t still have the trace on me. I could do magic whenever, and I would be so much more free to do as I pleased. Looking down I noticed that the vast majority of my food was gone and had the sudden realization of being absolutely stuffed. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever eaten so much in one sitting before, and the prospect was slightly daunting.

I looked around to see that the adults had all retired to their beds now, and all that remained was myself, George and Fred. I had no reason to hide anymore, as my face no longer felt heated and I’m sure was no longer blotching though. So I looked them in the eyes. I was prepared to confront them, and I knew that after this my summer could very easily go one way or the other. After all, just because I’m a wallflower, doesn’t mean that I’m shy.