November 23rd, 2012 at 07:58am
Wallflower - Comments
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Hmm, this is interesting. I like the introduction, no matter how much information it lacks. It's intriguing, which was probably the whole point of writing it :) I like this, the descriptions are a bit simple, perhaps you could describe in more details what she feels, smells, tastes: it would be nice for you to include the senses besides sight more thoroughly, and would make it seem more realistic and whole, if that makes sense. Besides from that, the grammar and spelling is good, and it contains a lot of potential.August 31st, 2012 at 11:31pm
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and the story continues.. hmm.. good chapterAugust 31st, 2012 at 12:49pm
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Hey I came from the comment swap and this is the first time I've had a Harry potter fan fix come up so I'm really excited about that! I've only had time to read up to chapter 12, but I've subscribed so I can keep reading. All I can say is periodically check for spelling errors as you write and progress. That's about it. Oh and keep the details more interesting. It can get a bit dry.August 31st, 2012 at 06:28am
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I liked this chapter a lotAugust 31st, 2012 at 02:59am
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Crusial indeed! And a building stone for what is to come later onion the story. Hmm.. Wondering what will be next and how things will be when they return to Hogwarts again.. Good chapter.August 30th, 2012 at 03:52pm
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Aww! That was so sweet! I like it when her and Fred have moments. They are simply so sweet and adorable together. Good chapter.August 21st, 2012 at 10:54pm
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Uh... A wounded pride and all that? That's going to take more than just a little time, if she does it by herself. Hmm.. Poor thing. I hope she doesn't do something too crazy at this time.. Hmmm... Good chapter.August 21st, 2012 at 06:16pm
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Dang that's gotta suck for her.August 21st, 2012 at 09:27am
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I liked it! Please keep writing :)August 3rd, 2012 at 02:38am
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Well that was well thought of, and whole hospital plan and all. I wonder how things will be from here on out, with her injuries.. Maybe the staring twin will come to the rescue? Who knows besides you? Good chapter.August 2nd, 2012 at 02:41pm
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Well that's all cleared up now. :)August 2nd, 2012 at 08:42am
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I really love the way this story is going, I'm curioius to how she will get better, and what the twis will do in her abscence :)July 13th, 2012 at 06:21am
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I wonder if Fred Weasley is the twin with a forming crush. They definitely are on better terms than in the beginning, her and both of the twins are. I wonder if it will stay that way or not. Hmm.. And I wonder what will happen to her now that she's hurt and how the others are reacting to it. Good chapter.July 12th, 2012 at 01:16pm
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i love this!!! (:July 12th, 2012 at 10:34am
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Okay, I really hate that you have to write so much for this comment swap. I try to write enough but I guess it's not so I'm sorry. Here's a better comment. I liked this story and I can't wait to read more of it. I've subscribed to it and I've recommended it. <3 Once again, sorry for the first comment.July 12th, 2012 at 07:28am
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I really like this story. It was good and had good grammar. There wasn't any mistakes. I hope you update it soon. I'll recommend it and subscribe to it. :) <3July 12th, 2012 at 07:25am
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Fair enough, I'm just wondering what you're building up to. It must be something good - I think. The story is really starting now and I can't wait to read more. Good chapterJuly 11th, 2012 at 12:08pm
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I really love this story already!July 11th, 2012 at 11:02am
I like your background, though I don't know what it has to do with a "Wallflower", I like backgrounds that can connect to a story, and not make a reader only focus on the words that are being typed out; a story is based on the background and the words. The summary was very interesting, because the reader is interested in what makes the fifth year somehow change her. The paragraph's are sizable, but, if you're delving into detail, then you have to make the reader imagine what is going on around her.
From my skim reading of the first chapter, you have the sight knocked down, but what is she smelling in Grimmauld Place? Does Grimmauld Place smell pleasant to her or does it stink? The tiniest bit of detail can go a long way.