Skin and Bones

“I really thought if you wouldn’t listen to me you’ll listen to the girl in New York. A girl who lives with her in the clinic died a day before she filmed that, this thing kills people Eva and I don’t care how selfish this sounds but I can’t lose you! I love you I can’t remember what it was like before you were in my life and I don’t want to imagine a future without you.” He was pouring his heart out to me something he rarely did, he rarely told me he loved me, he gave me lots of hugs though. He was an affectionate person but was an action and not words kind of guy. Once again I tried to build up the energy to respond even if it was the tiniest action but I failed once again; I’d been doing that a lot lately, failing. I did the only thing I could to which was listen to Garrett.

“When you wake up I don’t want you to be mad at me about what I’ve done, you need to understand I’ve done this for your own benefit, for your health, for your life!” What has he done? The room fell silent except from Garrett’s occasional sniffs. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I heard a group of voices, voices I recognised straight away.

“I know she was losing weight but I didn’t think it was this bad” That was Pat I could tell even though it didn’t sound like his normal upbeat self.

“I’ve been watching her kill herself for months, I’ve tried to help her but she won’t listen. I’ve ran out of options guys.” Garrett’s voice ran out again, I could do nothing but reflect on how defeated he sounded.

“You’re doing the right thing and she needs proper help. She was such a strong girl I don’t understand how this has happened to her.” John was the philosophical one as always, but I still didn’t know why they were talking about me like that. I listened to their banter for a while longer until I could feel my eyes opening.

“Eva, Eva! Someone get a doctor.” I saw Garrett’s face above mine; he was so close I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead he smiled at me sympathetically before sitting down again and taking my hand. The room fell silent until Kennedy returned with a doctor who wasn’t doctor gorilla this time; this one was sort of handsome for a middle aged man.

“How are we feeling Miss McGuire?” Wow he got my name right.

“I don’t know how should I be feeling?” I glanced over at Garrett; just looking at him gave me a bit of comfort.

“I’m afraid it’s bad news, Miss McGuire from your notes I can tell you are aware of your condition and you started but failed to complete treatment. I’m afraid because of your worsening condition we have no choice but to send you to a specialist clinic for eating disorders.”

“No you can’t just do that!” They feed you at those clinics I couldn’t handle that, I don’t need that.

“I’m afraid since anorexia is a mental disorder we have the power to section you under the mental health act.”

“You can’t just section me! You need permission!” I couldn’t believe they wanted to cart me off like some kind of nutter.

“We have your next of kin as allowed us to do so.” I looked over at Garrett who returned my stare with sympathetic eyes.

“You need help, I am so sorry Eva please believe me when I say I’m trying to help you.” He betrayed me, my best friend betrayed me how could he do that? Garrett looked at me; a couple of tears were falling down his face, why was he upset? He had no right to be upset. I was the one who was being sent away like some kind of mad woman. I couldn’t look at him, I felt as if I only had Ed, Garrett couldn’t wait to get rid of me. I was probably a liability to him so he was sending me away; no one wanted a fat friend.

“Eva please say something,” Garrett begged. I was still staring at him in disbelief. I still couldn’t believe what was happening.

“How could you? I thought you loved me.”

“I do Eva, fuck I do more than you know. This is for your own good, it’s a nice place! There’s girls like you and dieticians and councillors and they can help you. You won’t be allowed visitors but you can have phone calls so I’ll check up on your when I can.” As he made the place sound like my idea of hell, Mr Handsome was walking around me, poking me and writing down numbers.

“Miss McGuire you’re fully stabilized which means you’re fit for travel. Are you going to pack your things and walk with me? We’ll lead you to an ambulance.” The dishy doctor raised his eyebrow at me.

“I’m not going.” I said stubbornly, wondering why no one would believe me, I didn’t need to go.

“I’m afraid if you don’t come willingly we do have the power to use force, you are a danger to yourself no less than a suicidal depressive.” Why was this happening to me? I didn’t move however, I was willing to fight but unfortunately my strength wasn’t as good as it once was and was certainly no use against the restraints they were using, was this really necessary? I wasn’t some kind of schizophrenic who listened to voices in my head and… Ed, was I a schizophrenic? No Ed wasn’t a strange voice in my head he was someone I relied on. I best not tell anyone about him just in case.

“There’s nothing wrong with me.” I repeated sending Garrett an evil look; he was wrong he just had to be wrong. I panicked when the doctor came over to the bed and reached over my body. It was only when he pulled out a buckle I realised what he was about to do and I started to fight back.

“No! No you can’t do this to me, please I can’t go there!” I screamed out in desperation and despair.

“Can I have some help in here please,” Dr Hollywood shouted, suddenly a group which consisted of two nurses, another doctor and a man in an expensive looking suit ran in and tried to cease my thrashing.

“We may need to sedate her,” the suited blonde male ordered. I looked over at Garrett wondering why he wasn’t stopping this. He was standing there still, watching the mania in front of him unfold with tears in his eyes. If he was so upset why didn’t he stop this? I begged him with my eyes since I was too busy screaming at the strangers to leave me alone. If this were out on the street it would be assault, what made it okay in a hospital setting? I was too busy looking at Garrett to notice the needle coming towards my right arm. It was only when I felt a sharp prick I swooped my head over to the other side just in time to see the clear liquid pour into my arm. This wasn’t medicine, it was starting to make me feel weak and tired, so this is what modern medicine has come to.