All or Nothing

“I don’t understand.”

“There’s nothing to understand; she doesn’t remember.”

“I don’t get how she doesn’t remember?”

“The doctors said when she hit her head it triggered the amnesia. They said there was a chance of it, but there was no way to know the extent of the memory loss. She could’ve lost days or months. We’re lucky she only lost hours, Hunter.”

He stared at Katie as they sat in the room while Eliza slept. It had been three days and she’d finally woken up. All the swelling was gone from the cut on her head and underneath her eyes. They’d removed the intubation and the oxygen yesterday noting that she could breathe on her own.

Today, she’d woken up and was talking to them. She thought they hadn’t even had the concert yet and was afraid she was going to miss it because she was in the hospital. Everyone left it to Val and Katie to explain to her what had happened.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said.

Katie shrugged and went into the room, shutting the door behind her.

“Why didn’t anyone call me?”

Hunter and a few others turned as they heard Brian’s voice coming down the hall.

“Oh, shit,” Zacky whispered and turned back around.

“What the fuck?” Brian asked, looking at Matt. “Why didn’t anyone call me to tell me she was awake?”

“It’s a bit…It just happened,” Matt said.

“Uh, according to Johnny it happened hours ago.”

Without looking, Matt’s hand whipped out and his fist connected with Johnny’s arm. A slight “ow” could be heard from him, but other than that no one said anything.

“Uh, hello? Anyone want to tell me what’s going on?” Brian asked again, but no one seemed to be able to meet his eye.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” Katie said as she exited the room.

“Excuse me?” Brian asked, confused.

“She doesn’t want to see you, Brian. The last thing she remembers is you yelling at her the morning of the concert. As far as she’s concerned, she’s still pissed off at you.”

“You’re kidding, right?!” Brian asked.

“No, I’m not kidding. You knew she could have amnesia, Brian. The doctor told you that before anyone else. You’re the one who stressed it to us to be careful with how we talk to her. I did. She hates you right now.”

“You’re not joking,” Brian said, his hand moving to his forehead. He rubbed along his eyebrows for a minute before his eyes rose up to look through the blinds at Eliza in her room. She wasn’t looking at him, but at Val beside her. “I can’t believe this.”

“I’m sorry, Brian,” Katie said, frowning.

“Yeah, me too,” he said and he looked at Eliza again.

This time, her head turned and her eyes connected with him. His hand rubbed across his face as he looked at her. He crossed his arms and leaned back a bit, still keeping eye contact. Finally, he looked away and shook his head.

He turned from her and started to walk away. He stopped and turned back, looking at Katie.

“Make sure she fucking knows that I know how she feels now, watching her dad and feeling completely helpless. Make sure she knows I was the one who sat here for days with her, not leaving, just to make sure she was okay. She stuffed herself with drugs and I still stuck by her. Make sure she knows that.”

“Brian,” Katie said and looked around before moving closer to him. “She was drugged that night. They found traces of Temazepam in her system. It’s a major sedative only used in severe cases of insomnia. The only way you can get that is through prescription. She doesn’t have a prescription for it.”

“She could’ve gotten it from someone,” Brian said as he shifted his weight.

“They would’ve found more traces of it in her system. The police are cross-referencing that drug with people around her who may have a prescription for it. I know Eliza was messed up, but she wouldn’t take something like that.”

“You said yourself you knew she was on cocaine, Katie. What makes you think that she wouldn’t do this, too?”

Katie didn’t say anything, she just looked at Brian.

“Exactly,” he said and turned to walk off.

Katie rubbed her face in exasperation and turned to walk back into the room with Val and Eliza.

“He’s mad, isn’t he?” Eliza asked quietly.

“No, he’s just…I don’t know. He’s something.”

Eliza just nodded and her head fell back against the pillow.

“When can I go home?” she asked, looking out the window.

“It’s going to be a few days. The doctors want to monitor you for a while.”

“I’d kill for a cigarette right now,” Eliza mumbled.

Val and Katie smiled.

“Look, Eliza, I’ve got something I’ve got to tell you,” Val said.

“Okay,” Eliza said and her eyes shifted to Val.

“The guys have to go back on tour.”

“You’re leaving,” Eliza said. It wasn’t a question, more of a statement.

“I am,” Val said, nodding. “Katie’s not. She’s going to stay here with you.”

“You need someone here with you and with Val being in charge of the merch, you’re stuck with me.”

Eliza smiled and nodded, but her eyes went back to the window where Brian had stood a few moments before. She closed her eyes and struggled to think about what happened. Flashes of images flew through her mind, but there was one that wouldn’t go away.

Brian’s eyes were inches from hers. He smiled at her in that sleepy way that she loved so much and she tried to smile, but something blocked her lips. She vaguely remembered him whispering “I love you” but she couldn’t determine if that had really happened or if it was a result of the drugs.

She struggled to stay awake as her boys came in to say goodbye to her. She hugged them all, promised to call and keep them updated, and then Val came.

“Don’t try too hard, okay? Just relax and do what you need to do to get better.”

“I love you,” Eliza said as Val’s arms wrapped around her neck.

“Love you, too, kid. Be good,” Val said and kissed Eliza’s temple before moving away.

“Awesome,” Katie said as she climbed in bed beside Eliza. “Now we get to watch the good stuff on television.”

Eliza smiled as Katie snuggled closer to her and found something for them to watch. Thankfully, a “Law & Order: SVU” marathon was on. In no time, she was asleep again.



“No, you’re supposed to make the quarter land in the cup, douchebag,” Eliza said with a smile on her face.

She’d been out of the hospital for two weeks now, and she felt much better. She’d quit the drugs, but the drinking didn’t change one bit. She and Katie were gathered around Hunter, Dominic, Alex, Annisa, and Kelly, Hunter’s girlfriend all at Hunter’s house.

“Whatever,” Hunter said and tried again to bounce the quarter in the cup.

It ended up going over the cup and off the other side of the table. Everyone laughed as Hunter tried again until he finally made it. Alex picked his own quarter up and bounced it off of the table, watching it land in the cup on the first attempt.

“I’m heading out, guys,” he said as he stood up and looked at his phone. “I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

They all said bye to him and Hunter turned on the television in front of them.

Dominic rubbed his eyes and yawned. “I think I’ve got insomnia.”

“That’s all I seem to do now is sleep,” Eliza said.

“Yeah, well at least you can sleep,” he said with a small smile.

“I don’t see how Jocelyn does it,” Hunter said from his side of the room.

“What are you talking about?” Dominic asked.

“Dealing with insomnia,” Hunter replied.

Katie sat up. “Wait, you’re saying Jocelyn has insomnia?”

“No, her husband does. He was diagnosed with it a couple years ago. He has to take sleeping…pills…to…”

Everyone kind of looked at each other as recognition washed over them. The doctors had said a sedative for insomnia had been in one of Eliza’s drinks that night.

Suddenly, it was hard for Eliza to breathe. She gripped her chest as tears pricked her eyes and she tried to get her breath.

“Katie,” she got out as her vision started to get black on the outside of her vision.

“Calm down, Eliza. Breathe,” her friend said as she rubbed Eliza’s back. “Hunter, get me some ice.”

She leaned Eliza back as the panic attack took over and Eliza cried.

“I can’t…believe…”

“Stop talking, idiot. Just try to breathe,” Katie instructed as Hunter came back with a towel full of ice.

Katie placed the towel on the back of Eliza’s neck as she felt the attack move away. Hunter sat down in front of her on the coffee table.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Eliza said and stood up. “I’ve got to go.”

“Where are you going?” Katie asked, standing up, too.

“You go to the apartment and wait for me there. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Oh, hell no,” Katie said and put her shoes on. “I’m coming with you.”

“Fine,” Eliza said and she started for the door.

“Eliza, wait,” Hunter said and he pulled her outside of his door.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve got to tell you something,” Hunter said and rubbed a hand over his face. “I should’ve told you this a long time ago, but I never thought she would take it this far.”

“What are you talking about?” Eliza asked, moving closer to him.

“Jocelyn’s had it out for you since she became your manager. She told me she really wanted to be your manager when she was wanted by so many other people. She said they didn’t matter because she only wanted to be yours.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Jocelyn’s had it out for you for a long time. She said she’s hated you for two years.”

“I haven’t known Jocelyn for two years,” Eliza said, confused.

“I know that, but she’s known you. Her husband… is Aaron Fleming.”

“Alright?”

“Fleming, Eliza. His last name is Fleming.”

“I don’t see what that…You mean as in…?”

“Yes, I mean her.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me,” Eliza said, rolling her eyes. “What could she possibly have to do with this?”

“I’m not real sure, but I know that Jocelyn knows her and she’s somehow convinced you ruined her life so she’s out to get yours.”

“That’s all fine and fucking dandy, but—”

“I’m getting there. She tried to get me to join in and that’s why I was an asshole to you at first, but I couldn’t do it anymore. She told me some of the things she had planned for you and I couldn’t…I wouldn’t do any of that to you. When I said that I was sorry I broke you and Brian up, Eliza, I meant it. I really am sorry.”

“It’s not even entirely you’re fault, Hunter. What’s keeping us apart is his inability to realize I’m not going to fuck him over. He’s the one who continues to fuck up and until he grows up, I don’t want to be with him.”

“Eliza, I think you need to talk to him, though.”

“I will when the time is right. Thanks for the heads up, Hunter. I appreciate it,” Eliza said and she hugged him before turning with Katie to leave the apartment.

On the street, she held her hand out for a cab and climbed in with Katie on her heels when one stopped. She told the driver the address and sat back during the drive.

“What are you going to do?” Katie asked.

“I don’t know,” Eliza said, looking out the window. “I haven’t thought of that yet.”

“Well, you better think about it quickly,” Katie said, realizing they were nearing the address.

When the cab pulled up to the curb, Eliza handed the driver a few bills and got out of the backseat. She walked up to the door and knocked. Stepping back from the door, she chewed on her thumbnail while half-turned toward Katie.

“I’m so mad right now,” Eliza said and Katie saw her knee shaking. “I can’t believe this. She’s my fucking manager!”

Eliza should’ve known better. All those times where it seemed like something was hidden behind Jocelyn’s smile or she’d made some cryptic reference to something. She thought it had been a bit weird at how quick Jocelyn was to bring her the tabloid with Brian’s picture on the front and how she quickly doubted his love for Eliza.

She heard laughter from behind the door and her spine stiffened. The door opened, but Jocelyn wasn’t behind it. Both Katie and Eliza’s jaws dropped at who stood before them.

“Hi, Eliza.”