Status: New chapter every week!
Mint Chocolate
13
'Oh, I love Mondays.' Said no one. EVER. Last night's sleep was extremely deep, I was so comfortable, I had cocooned myself amidst my covers and did not want to get up.
It had taken me a while to get ready although I didn't do much to myself. I simply threw my hair into a ponytail and sweeped some mascara over my lashes. I didn't look very attractive. I hadn't even used any concealer to hide away any blemishes and dark circles beneath my eyes. The weather seemed rather confused today as at some moments the sun shone proudly, illuminating and warming everything in it's path whilst at other times the grey masses of vapour rolled past the sun concealing it from us for a period of time. During this sudden change of weather within the same day, I laid my elbow down and resting my face against the knuckles of my curled hands. My other hand spooned the melting green and brown ice cream which swirled together in the bowl into my mouth.
Lost in my thoughts, I decided that this weird weather represented me in some ways.
I guess the sun signified all the happier things in life such as my daughter who was the most important thing to me right now, my family and friends whilst the windier and darker part of the day symbolized everything in my life that I didn't plan and therefore affected me negatively, causing my life to be even more depressing and isolated than before.
There were some inbetweens. There were some things that I didn't know where they were on this sunny/windy weather scale.
Some things like my current job at the bar. It was a great thing that Josh had got me this job but I wasn't fully settled yet therefore I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I should've been. Although, hopefully with time it will improve. I don't know how long I will last in this job but I'm hoping it's long enough that I start to see the money come in and the amount of overdue rent letters decreasing.
Another thing that I am uncertain of my feelings towards is the reappearance of Ronnie Radke in my life which is not so great right now. At the same time, he was like a bump on the road that shook me a little - making me more aware of life. It is a rather small world and I was certain this isn't going to be the first time I meet someone who I don't particular want to see again.
Why would I want to see him, anyways?
He had broken my heart when I caught him cheating and who knows how long it could've gone for?
I think ever since then, I haven't been able to trust a person as much.
After all the things that I'd done with my life after I'd left him, I was sort of scared that anyone could show up in my life, let me earn their trust and then ditch my and let me fall into an endless black hole of emotions. And not the good kind either.
Although, I thought I didn't want to see him but in reality something sort of ticked; maybe a warning of some kind. Either good or bad.
The little bell above the entrance jingled its cheerful little sound and echoed through the room. Speaking of the devil...
I quickly shoved my bowl behind me and turned back round. Ronnie walked towards me, two white cups with the starbuck logo visible.
'I'm sorry we didn't get to have coffee together before so I brought it to you.' My heart fluttered slightly at his words. That was awfully sweet of him. This was the Ronnie I knew, but he'd probably doing this to another girl behind my back before.
'Oh, I'm not on my lunch break yet.' I said cocking my head to the side and lifting a finger to the corner of my mouth, attempting to but the little nail there was left.
'We can have it in here.' He said and motion for me with his head to come round. I did.
He handed me my drink and I cupped my hands around the warm cup before following him to the table at the far end, opposite the window.
We slid into the booth, the leather cool against my hands and quickly warming against my thigh. I was so nervous that I hands were sticky with sweat. I picked up my cup hoping that my shaking hands weren't obvious, and brought it to my lips as the bittersweet chocolate coffee exploded on my tongue. The liquid run through my mouth and as a streamed, trickled down leaving a warm feeling in its place. I felt his eyes on me as he did the same, tipping the coffee cup back.
I felt a little self conscious under his gaze given that I had not woken up in time meaning less time to get ready.
'I-it's a mocha.' He said chuckling, his eyes looking down at the table as our eyes met.
Ronnie knew I liked them but like before, I never really tool the time off to go to Starbuck's purposely to buy myself a mocha. So Ronnie used to go for me.
Before I could stop myself, the words came tumbling out.
'What happened...after I left?' I focused all my attention on the cup for a few seconds. Ronnie remained silent.
'I'm sorry,' I breathed out in a sigh. 'I just-'
'No, it's okay. You deserve to know.' I could tell he was putting on a brave face and it most probably hurt him to be telling me this, to be reliving what he'd been through in his head again. He was already making a sacrifice so I tried my best to stay quiet and listen to what he had to say.
He cleared his throat before speaking and picked at his nail.
'After you stormed out that evening, I..I had no clue what to do with myself. I was lost in life. I don't even remember her name-'
He remembered her name perfectly fine, I knew he just didn't want to hurt me again by reminding me of her name.
'She took the money I had in cash and my car while I was gone. I spent 9 whole days drinking, stuffed in my house. I hadn't shaved and look a hobo...or Jesus or anything bearded.' He tried to make the situation in a little more humurous than it actually was. At that, I smiled. 'I don't even remember being sober, at all. Eventually, I decided to party a lot and after partying, I started getting into things I shouldn't have. They got me locked up for two years and honestly, without those two years I wouldn't be where I am today.'
'What do you mean where you are today?' I asked, curious to find out how much his life differs from before.
'I mean the lessons I learnt and the paths I followed. I found amazing friends and I'm now in a band with these people, in an a band who worked with me whilst I was in prison, who didn't abandon me.'
I was hoping it wasn't a sly dig, accusing me of abandoning him. In a way it was true, but I just couldn't do it anymore.
'How did you deal with it?' He asked me.
I thought the question was a little bit unexpected but at the same time, I knew it was coming. I gulped the coffee chocolate mixture which had cooled down a little.
'Well, I didn't at first. I was barely able to do anything.' Harsh memories flooded back, ones I wished stayed tucked away in a dark corner in the abyss that is my mind. I was emotionally unstable at the time and thinking back, this was all because of a break up.
I wasn't sure how long I stayed quiet for but I decided to speak up...more like speak down. My voice was barely above a whisper.
'I really did like you, Ronnie.'
It had taken me a while to get ready although I didn't do much to myself. I simply threw my hair into a ponytail and sweeped some mascara over my lashes. I didn't look very attractive. I hadn't even used any concealer to hide away any blemishes and dark circles beneath my eyes. The weather seemed rather confused today as at some moments the sun shone proudly, illuminating and warming everything in it's path whilst at other times the grey masses of vapour rolled past the sun concealing it from us for a period of time. During this sudden change of weather within the same day, I laid my elbow down and resting my face against the knuckles of my curled hands. My other hand spooned the melting green and brown ice cream which swirled together in the bowl into my mouth.
Lost in my thoughts, I decided that this weird weather represented me in some ways.
I guess the sun signified all the happier things in life such as my daughter who was the most important thing to me right now, my family and friends whilst the windier and darker part of the day symbolized everything in my life that I didn't plan and therefore affected me negatively, causing my life to be even more depressing and isolated than before.
There were some inbetweens. There were some things that I didn't know where they were on this sunny/windy weather scale.
Some things like my current job at the bar. It was a great thing that Josh had got me this job but I wasn't fully settled yet therefore I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I should've been. Although, hopefully with time it will improve. I don't know how long I will last in this job but I'm hoping it's long enough that I start to see the money come in and the amount of overdue rent letters decreasing.
Another thing that I am uncertain of my feelings towards is the reappearance of Ronnie Radke in my life which is not so great right now. At the same time, he was like a bump on the road that shook me a little - making me more aware of life. It is a rather small world and I was certain this isn't going to be the first time I meet someone who I don't particular want to see again.
Why would I want to see him, anyways?
He had broken my heart when I caught him cheating and who knows how long it could've gone for?
I think ever since then, I haven't been able to trust a person as much.
After all the things that I'd done with my life after I'd left him, I was sort of scared that anyone could show up in my life, let me earn their trust and then ditch my and let me fall into an endless black hole of emotions. And not the good kind either.
Although, I thought I didn't want to see him but in reality something sort of ticked; maybe a warning of some kind. Either good or bad.
The little bell above the entrance jingled its cheerful little sound and echoed through the room. Speaking of the devil...
I quickly shoved my bowl behind me and turned back round. Ronnie walked towards me, two white cups with the starbuck logo visible.
'I'm sorry we didn't get to have coffee together before so I brought it to you.' My heart fluttered slightly at his words. That was awfully sweet of him. This was the Ronnie I knew, but he'd probably doing this to another girl behind my back before.
'Oh, I'm not on my lunch break yet.' I said cocking my head to the side and lifting a finger to the corner of my mouth, attempting to but the little nail there was left.
'We can have it in here.' He said and motion for me with his head to come round. I did.
He handed me my drink and I cupped my hands around the warm cup before following him to the table at the far end, opposite the window.
We slid into the booth, the leather cool against my hands and quickly warming against my thigh. I was so nervous that I hands were sticky with sweat. I picked up my cup hoping that my shaking hands weren't obvious, and brought it to my lips as the bittersweet chocolate coffee exploded on my tongue. The liquid run through my mouth and as a streamed, trickled down leaving a warm feeling in its place. I felt his eyes on me as he did the same, tipping the coffee cup back.
I felt a little self conscious under his gaze given that I had not woken up in time meaning less time to get ready.
'I-it's a mocha.' He said chuckling, his eyes looking down at the table as our eyes met.
Ronnie knew I liked them but like before, I never really tool the time off to go to Starbuck's purposely to buy myself a mocha. So Ronnie used to go for me.
Before I could stop myself, the words came tumbling out.
'What happened...after I left?' I focused all my attention on the cup for a few seconds. Ronnie remained silent.
'I'm sorry,' I breathed out in a sigh. 'I just-'
'No, it's okay. You deserve to know.' I could tell he was putting on a brave face and it most probably hurt him to be telling me this, to be reliving what he'd been through in his head again. He was already making a sacrifice so I tried my best to stay quiet and listen to what he had to say.
He cleared his throat before speaking and picked at his nail.
'After you stormed out that evening, I..I had no clue what to do with myself. I was lost in life. I don't even remember her name-'
He remembered her name perfectly fine, I knew he just didn't want to hurt me again by reminding me of her name.
'She took the money I had in cash and my car while I was gone. I spent 9 whole days drinking, stuffed in my house. I hadn't shaved and look a hobo...or Jesus or anything bearded.' He tried to make the situation in a little more humurous than it actually was. At that, I smiled. 'I don't even remember being sober, at all. Eventually, I decided to party a lot and after partying, I started getting into things I shouldn't have. They got me locked up for two years and honestly, without those two years I wouldn't be where I am today.'
'What do you mean where you are today?' I asked, curious to find out how much his life differs from before.
'I mean the lessons I learnt and the paths I followed. I found amazing friends and I'm now in a band with these people, in an a band who worked with me whilst I was in prison, who didn't abandon me.'
I was hoping it wasn't a sly dig, accusing me of abandoning him. In a way it was true, but I just couldn't do it anymore.
'How did you deal with it?' He asked me.
I thought the question was a little bit unexpected but at the same time, I knew it was coming. I gulped the coffee chocolate mixture which had cooled down a little.
'Well, I didn't at first. I was barely able to do anything.' Harsh memories flooded back, ones I wished stayed tucked away in a dark corner in the abyss that is my mind. I was emotionally unstable at the time and thinking back, this was all because of a break up.
I wasn't sure how long I stayed quiet for but I decided to speak up...more like speak down. My voice was barely above a whisper.
'I really did like you, Ronnie.'