Even if it Kills Me

I walked into the living room when I got home, only to be wrapped in a pair of strong arms. I dropped my bags and hugged Aoi back. The old Aoi. The Aoi I knew.

Without a word, he released me all too soon. He picked up my bags, and walked upstairs.

I heard the sound of pots toppling over in the kitchen, so I made my way down the hallway.I opened the kitchen door to find Kai sitting in the floor rubbing his head, with an avalanche of pots and pans surrounding him.I laughed, and helped him pick them up.

“You’re in a generous mood,” he laughed.

“So is Aoi,” I replied.

“I noticed. Don’t think I didn’t see what happened,” he said, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes and put the last of the cook ware into the cupboard before walking upstairs to my room.

My bags were on my bed. I carefully took out the clothes and put them away where they belonged.

When I finished, I trekked down the hall to Aoi’s room and knocked on the door.

Hearing nothing, I carefully pushed open the door and gasped.

Aoi was sitting on the floor with a knife in his hand. Several bottles of pills, both empty and full, were all over the place. Another thing that really caught my eye were the spoon, lighter, syringe, and the bags of white powder.

Aoi didn’t seem to notice me. He traced his veins slowly with the knife and gradually began to apply pressure.

“Aoi!” I screamed, before he could hurt himself.

His head snapped up and he looked at me with an almost embarrassed expression upon his face.

He hung his head.

“Just go away,” he whispered.

“And leave you on your own like this?” I whispered back, my voice cracking and tears threatening my eyes. “Never.”

I crouched down next to him and examined his ‘supplies’ even closer. It all made sense. He was doing drugs. That’s why he’s been acting so differently.

I gently took the knife away from him. He didn’t resist much. His eyes were frightfully red and had tears in them.

“Why?” I asked him, choking on a sob. “Why are you doing this to yourself?!”

“Because I have no other way!” he growled. “I have nothing!”

“You have me!” I cried. “You have the band!”

“You guys wouldn’t understand!” he screamed.

“Wouldn’t understand what?! That you’re hurting yourself? That you’ve turned to heroin and God knows what else?!”

He jumped up at me.

“Just shut up!” He yelled. “I tried to set things right! It didn’t work and it doesn’t matter!”

I stumbled back a little, but I still had the courage to stand my ground.

I could hear footsteps rushing up the stairs and down the hall, but that didn’t stop me from yelling back,

“No, you didn’t! You aren’t even trying!” Suddenly, I felt Aoi’s hand come in contact with my shoulder and then the pain of the nightstand digging into me. Aoi had pushed me! My back and ribs throbbed. I was shocked. My body refused to move.

Aoi looked at me with an angry expression, then his eyes widened when he realized what he had done.He looked as if he was about to say something, but before he could, I saw Uruha tackle him to the floor.

“You BASTARD! YOU FUCKING HURT HER! I TRUSTED YOU!” He yelled, landing multiple punches on Aoi’s face. Aoi didn’t move a muscle. “Oh, now you’re not going to fight?! Fight me, fucker! FIGHT ME!”

I screamed.

“Stop it! You’ll hurt him!” I sobbed.

“He deserves it!” He screeched. “He hurt you!”

“Kouyou, please!” I pleaded, tears cascading down my face as I felt Ruki and Reita begin to lift me and pull on my flailing arms in an attempt to get me out of the room. I knew it was them. I caught a glimpse of them standing in the doorway right after Uruha showed up.

Kai was standing over Uruha, trying to say something that will soothe him and get him off of Aoi, who didn’t even bother to fight back at all.

“Let me go!” I begged. “Kouyou! He’s not himself!” I continued. “Look! Please, listen to me!”

I wrenched my way out of Ruki and Reita’s grasp, and crawled to the bottles of pills, the knife, and the bags of heroin.

“Look at what he’s done to himself,” I wailed. “Please…”

Uruha got off of Aoi and came to inspect what I had discovered.

“H-heroin?” he gasped.

Ruki, Kai, and Reita had pained expressions on their faces.

“Aoi…” Uruha whispered.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Ruki whispered.

Aoi sat up, but didn’t answer.

Reita shook his head and Kai looked as if he were going to cry.

Uruha hugged Aoi close to him, and began whispering something I couldn’t make out.
Kai began to pick all of Aoi’s ‘supplies’ up.

“Yuu,” Kai began, gently. “You can’t do this to yourself, anymore. We won’t let you hurt yourself. It’s going to be tough on you, but we have to get rid of the heroin and the pills. We’re going to take care of you.”

Aoi’s eyes widened when Kai mentioned getting rid of the heroin and pills, but he slowly nodded his head, somehow understanding that it was something he had to do.

Uruha turned to me. “Haruka, I’m going to call Miyavi in the morning and see if he’ll let you stay with him until Aoi gets through this.”

“Why?!” I cried.

“I don’t want to take the chance of him hurting you again.” He answered, softly.

“I promised your brother…” he said, almost silently, and trailing off at the end.

I tried to swallow, but I had a lump in my throat.

“Haruka,” Aoi murmured. “Please. Stay with Miyavi. I don’t want to hurt you, again. You’ll be safer if you stayed away from me.”

My throat felt tight and my mouth felt dry. I felt like it took all I had left just to say, “Okay.”

Ruki then gently guided me to my room.

“Try to get some sleep.” He said, with a serious expression.

“I can’t,” I told him. “I’m worried!”

“I am, too,” he admitted, shaking his head, sighing.

His expression grew even more serious.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” he inquired.

I was somewhat taken aback by the sudden question.

“Preposterous.” I replied, even though we both knew I was lying.

Ruki shook his head, sighed, and said, “I really hope he gets better. Not only for his or the band’s sake, but for yours.”

And with that, he bade me goodnight, and softly closed my door.