The Mortician's Son

My heart drop dead on when I saw him. I don’t even know how to confront him. I had to get Jake outside before I start talking to him. Away from Ashley. Jinxx cuddle up with Sammi on the small couch and CC mess with Ash. Perfect. Jake was lean against the down, in the far back corner.

“Hey Jake, Come to the bus with me?” He nodded. I could tell he wanted to smile, he tried too hard to hold it back. We walk out and on to the bus. I sat down on the couch. He grab two wine coolers for us. He began to talk, fast and all jittery.

“What’s up? How have you been. I haven’t talk to you in awhile. You’ve been too caught up with Ashley. How is--”

“Jake, stop.” I said in a sad, quite tone. He frown. He open his bottle and took swigs out of it. “Why.” I ask him. He blink his eyes, playing off as if he don’t know what I’m talking about. He now took gulp of his drink. I took the bottle away from him.

“Don’t. You always do this. Attempting to drink the memories away. I’m trying to talk to you. Answer me. Why?” Tears form in his eyes. He’s a drinker. In high school he was the kid who got hang overs everyday. Another reason why the break up was horrible.

“Andy. That should be me in Ashley’s shoes. I should be the one that kiss you. The one that tells you I love you. Not Ashley. Why him?” He wanted to cry, but he wouldn’t let himself come to that.

“But Jake, we broke up a couple a years ago..” I inform him.

“It’s been one fucking year Andy! One! I made a mistake, our relationship was never meant to end. Do you even know why I had to end it? Hm?” His emotions change to anger.

“You were experimenting. You then kiss the girl from my Chemistry class saying I’m worthless. I remember, okay.” He move closer to me with his hand on my lap.

“Andrew, did you know I had to break up with you cause my own father found out about me being gay? That he threaten to kill me if I didn’t change my way. He told me to break up with you in the most mess up way. So I kiss some random girl. In front of you. God, Andy. My heart broke the day I did that.” He cried in my shoulder. A tear drop from my eye. I hug him as tight as I could.

“I still love you!” He said through his tears. I didn’t know his family was like that. I was close to Jake, but not his family. Whnen I think about it, they all gave me a dirty look the days I came over his house. “Just love me back!“ He plead. I held him for some reason, I didn’t want to let him go.

“I-I love you too Jake, but I can’t. I’m in love with-” He push me away.

“Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say his fucking name!” He yell over me. He’s upset. Overheated.

“Ashley,” I muttered. His name shot him down in more tears. His make up ran on his face.

“I’m sorry Jacob. It’s time for us to move on. I love you. Back then and now. Just that now, I love you as a friend. I will always love you. But we must move on. I can’t take the pain you cause me.” My throat was dry, eyes throbbed with tears. He lightly grab my arm and kiss it. On my faded scars.

“No I’m sorry I cause you so much pain. I didn’t want this to happen. I’m sorry for kissing you a couple of days ago. For taking you boyfriend’s lip gloss. Can we still be friends? I’ve done such a horrible thing. So I will understand if you say no.” I pull him in for a hug. A long one. I love him. I loved him. He was my first, and you will always remember your first. In the worst ways and in the best.

“Yes. But I’m not the only one you have to say sorry to. You have to go to Ashley and explain all of this.” He sigh.

“Tomorrow, I swear. Right now I’m zone out. Again. I’m truly sorry.” He got up to get ready to go in his buck. I place a kiss on his cheek. He smile at me. He said goodnight.

***

It was kind of awkward talking about my pass with the rest of the band. Jake and I was explaining. Told them about Jake being my ex, how I used to self inflect myself, and the kiss incident. Different expression from everyone. Jinxx with a sorry face, Sammi stared at Jake with her mouth half open. CC had an eyebrow raise the whole time.

Then there’s Ashley. His face was calm but his eyes balled Jake the whole time. I could tell he wanted to beat him. But there was a glitch of forgiveness from him. Jake walk to Ashley face to face and said sorry. He held out his hand for him to shake it. Ashley smiled giving him a hug.

Nothing but apology hour. Ash said sorry to Jinxx and Sammi. Jake said sorry to everyone else, especially me. CC, him being hype all the time, he cheered everyone’s spirit. My family, is everyone on this bus right now.

I took as to my bunk. We laid together with his leg tangle with mine..

“I’m sorry for all that. I wanted to tell you, I just wasn’t ready to. You know now. Jake made a small fuck up.” He pinch my cheek and press on me.

“I know a better way you can say sorry to me.” He kiss the crook in my neck and slid his hand under my shirt.

“No. Everyone is on the bus.” I push him back. Jinxx called for us.

“Guys, we’re gone for a while. Jake wants to go out. Be back in an hour!” The bus door close. You could hear them laughing. Shit. Ashley gave me a evil smile. He continue to slid his hand to my nipples. He rub them. My phone vibrated. Ashley continue to mess with me. I cheek my phone to turn it off. Jake message me. I read it really quick:

You’re welcome ;)

I love him but I love the man on top of me more. I send him back a heart.

“Ashley, I was thinking.” His teeth bit down on my skin. “When we’re off tour. Would you like to move in with me?” I asked nervously. Being nervous and horny does not mix very well. He laugh, tearing my shirt off from over my head.

“Move in huh? With you?” He climb on my with me being between his legs. He stop his touch to hear me out.

“Yeah. Uh, you don’t have too. I mean. If you want.” He’s going to say no. After what happen today? He might hate the idea of us living together. He grab me below my beltline. I moan out loud throwing my thoughts off.

“Babe. That sounds lovely.” He held my hand to his lips. He peck a kiss then flip it on the side with my scars. Kissing it. “Yes I would love to move in with you. Now, shut up. I can’t focus on fucking you.” I laugh.

He said yes on moving in with me. Think about it Andy. You get to see his face every morning. Have him cook those pancakes he made that day on the bus.