Watching You

I sat in my chambers that I had been assigned to, sitting upon the bed. I had wished to be home, but that was not to come until we were finished bringing back Loki. I thought of Thor, remembering how sincere he was speaking to me about his brother. I had rubbed my hand, bringing myself to think that Thor actually touched me. I knew he was only comforting me, but I did not know he would touch me in a way. We were never close, and this frightened me. I thought no differently of him when he came to my home to comfort me when Loki was gone, but now my feelings have changed for him. Now I see that he cared knowing that his brother was bringing me in such pain.

This pain I wanted to wash away, but the simplicity of that was not going to falter when I knew I had to fight against him to save this realm. I wanted to help the mortals in this fight, but that did mean going against Loki and his army. That was taking a larger toll on me than I thought it was going to. To fight the one I loved.

A sudden knock came to my door, and I silently spoke for them to enter. It has been the Thunder God himself, looking down upon me as I sat on my bed. “May I enter?” he questioned, not wanting to invade the only personal space that I had.

“Yes,” came my reply as I did not move from my bed. I kept sitting there with a thoughtful look on my face, and slowly it turned into a slight sour expression as I thought more of Loki. “Your brother... Has he ever spoke ill of me to you?” I did not know why that question fell from my lips, but I wanted to know the truth if he ever wanted me to be by his side like I wanted him to be by his if things did not happen the way it did.

Thor was taken back by the question, but he answered strongly. “My brother held love for you whenever you were brought up in conversation,” he told me, “Never once he has spoken ill of you. Why do you question this?”

I gave a shrug and looked down at my hands. “What did he become, Thor? I never knew he was going to act on this dark power,” I grumbled, feeling insecure about everything that has happened. What if I ever fell into Loki’s trap? What if I followed his footsteps under the darkness? “Will I ever give into this power?”

“You will not,” he stated, kneeling down in front of me. “I believe that you are stronger than you think yourself as, Zenya.” He held my hands in his, looking me in the eye. “Do not lose your balance. If you need guidance, I will help you the most that I can.”

A smile fell onto my face at his words. He gave me hope, and I did hope his words were true. Perhaps he would help me in this, at least I was not alone. “Thank you, Thor,” I told him, and he smiled at me. He brought my hands to his lips, kissing the top of both of them gently before standing to his feet.

“I must go speak to the others about the tesseract, and you should rest while you can,” Thor told me as he moved towards the door. He gave me a smile before nodding his head to me. “Remember my words.” He removed himself from my quarters, closing the door behind him to leave me in my thoughts. I stared at where he last stood, and I felt a small amount of heat rush to my cheeks. My gaze dropped to the ground as I placed my hands upon my face, closing my eyes to rid of the thoughts that crossed my troubled mind. What was going on with me?

I fell into deep thought as to what was going on with the things I thought of. Was it the act of Thor comforting me that made me have these feelings for him? These feelings were unannounced. These were the feelings that I had for Loki when I first laid eyes on him all of those years ago. They were not as strong as they were with Loki. Of course, I did not feel for Thor in the way that I loved Loki. Both of them were opposites. The fact that Thor showed that he cared more for my existence made me wonder. His brother cared, but he never showed that he did. He wanted me to learn the hard way, he always challenged me.

I remember when we were in our adulthood when we expressed our love for one another, he always asked me why. He would always say that I was different from the men of Asgard, but I did not care. That brought me to want to watch him from afar, because he was different. He did not try to sweep me off my feet like the rest of the men did, he simply wanted to be my friend. He wanted to know me as a being and not some woman that he could parade around like a trophy. He understood me, and I understood him.

That darkness that he held beneath in his eyes made me wonder if he saw anything other emotion in mine besides the happiness they held whenever he was around. I asked him what he saw in my eyes, and he only saw beauty and kindness, something that he never wished to corrupt. I never knew what he meant by that then, but now I fully understood the meaning of it.

I clenched my fists as I remembered these moments, still sitting on the bed where I kept myself. “We’ll create something beautiful to destroy it,” I whispered under my breath. He had told me that before he turned to the Loki he was now. That held little meaning to me before, but now it meant a lot to me now. He wanted me to be by his side, even if he wished not to corrupt me to turn my back against Asgard. He longed for me to stand by my side, not wanting to do this alone, but I chose my path. I was to protect, not to destroy.

“I am so sorry, Loki,” I whispered out to the air, and a tear left my eye. I had wished that everything was over. I had wished that everything went back to normal, but it was long from normal. I had to fight my very heart. Loki was going to be the death of me.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted when I felt the sky fortress shake, and I stood to my feet to head out of my chambers. When I opened the door, I saw people running down the hall. “What has happened?” I questioned as I stopped someone in their tracks. It was the one they called Rogers, from what I assume.

“One of the engines went down, ma’am,” he stated, and then nodded to me, “I am going to help Mr. Stark.” After that answer, he ran off to where I assumed the engine had died. I watched him go, and soon looked around, heading down to where Loki had been located on this flying machine as I quickly could. This had to be part of his doing with the help of his team.

I ran into the chamber that Loki was located in, and soon looked around to see that he was not in the glass cage. “Loki?” I questioned, looking each way I could possibly look. I did not see him, nor did I sense him behind me as I felt his hands grab my arms to spin me around to face him. A smirk on his face when he looked at me, and soon he brought his lips upon mine quickly. I did not know how to react when I felt his emotion within this kiss. It was not of darkness or hatred, it was of passion and love. I did not kiss him back, even if I wished to. I did not want to give in to the power that he had control over me.

When he pulled back, he let out a laugh, looking upon me. “See, my love? This is where it only begins,” he spoke, looking devilishly at me, “Join me. You still have your chance. Or would you rather be with my brother?”

I was at a loss for words, and I only kept quiet as he continued. He laughed at me as he moved away from me, walking with his hands behind his back. “Do not think that I do not listen to what is going on around me, I do watch over you as I told you before. I have told you in the past that Thor had been trying to get in between us, and you are weak so you allowed him to comfort you.”

He faced me again, quickly grabbing my chin in his hand. “My dearest Zenya, tsk tsk. Have you lost faith in me already?” He looked me in the eyes, and I could see his anger that he had held for his brother for getting close to me. “I am creating something beautiful for us to destroy, and this is how you thank me? Letting Thor get in between us?” That question sunk my heart.

I moved my head to the side to release my chin from his gentle grasp. “I do not wish this, Loki,” I spoke, looking back to him. “I do not wish for these mortals to sink under the wrath of you.” I placed my hand on his cheek, and a slight shocked expression crossed his features when I touched him so gently.

He reached up to hold my hand, letting my memories flow into my head when we first shared a moment like this. It was so long ago, but the image was still vivid in my head. “Come with me,” he spoke, “Either you join me, or you fight with them.” We were looking into each other’s eyes at this point, and I could see so much in his. He was begging me to go with him, but my heart was telling me otherwise. I did not wish to fight with him, but I wanted to be by his side. The inner conflict was consuming my entire being and I did not know which side to choose.

“What do you see?” he asked me, gazing deep down in my soul.

“Darkness, Loki. You are also lost as I am. Your light has gone to a place that I cannot see, and all I see is madness. Also you are pleading me to stay with you,” I said softly, and I closed my eyes. I did not wish to see anymore of what his eyes were telling me. What if this was all a trap? He always told me that he would never corrupt me, but this is what he was doing. He was breaking a promise to himself, and it was something that I could not control. He looked so helpless.

“Come with me.”

“I...”