Secrets

“It’s facebook official bro” Kevin turned his lap top to face Zack. “Liv and Jill are officially lip stick lesbians” Zack sighed. “Why are you upset, aren’t you dating Maria?”

“Yeah it’s just…you can’t just go gay randomly!” Zack exclaimed. “I don’t care” he did care. “But I just—now it looks like I turned her gay”

“You broke up like a year ago, bro” Kevin said. “Just get over it and enjoy your gorgeous, non-bitchy, no attitude girlfriend Maria” Zack nodded. “Besides, this is just a phase. Everyone has a gay phase at one point”

Zack thought he didn’t care but he did care a lot. It’s because he kinda still liked her, in a weird protective way.

Zack felt like her guardian when they were dating. Jill needed him to protect her. Now Jill was out doing all these things and she still needed someone to protect her. Zack still felt responsible for her, like he should be there for her.

He couldn’t do it anymore

…

Zack went into a crazy mental state in the coming weeks, with only a few weeks left before graduation this is the wrong time to go mental.

He still was not over Jill no matter how many times he convinced himself he was. She was just psycho, she destroyed him, practically. She was a huge head fuck and somehow he still liked her. How does that work? Stupid scum bag brain.

He left Maria, it was pretty much over without any questions. He just couldn’t do it anymore.

He gave up on school, with only two weeks before graduation he stopped caring when he needed to care the most. He was in danger of not graduating, and when he gave up he pretty much threw his hopes and dreams of graduating out the window.

It’s just, he just couldn’t take it anymore. Jill still controlled his life even when they were broken up. It shouldn’t work that way.

…

“I wanna get fucked up, Taylor” Zack said. he took a long drag from his blunt before speaking again. “I can’t think anymore”

“Do you want Elle for the weekend?” Taylor asked. “We have awesome sex, maybe she can give you a handy jay and you’ll be better” Zack gave Taylor the dirtiest look. “Or not”

“I just can’t do this”

“Zack I know you don’t want to hear this but I understand. Our ex-girlfriends are fucking” Taylor started. “Getting over Liv was hard but getting better involved seeing someone else…so maybe Maria’s not the right person since Maria is friends with Jill…try dating someone new” Taylor explained. Zack shook his head.

“I want hard drugs and alcohol” Zack got up and went into the other room.

“Hey, Kev” Taylor called Zack’s little brother over. “Keep an eye on your brother he’s scaring me” Kev nodded.

“He’s been getting drunk and slash or high a lot lately. Is something really wrong?”

“I’m hoping he’ll be okay”

Zack danced around the room. Standing still did no justice, the room was spinning even when he was still so he went with his vision and spun around in circles until he fell to the ground.

“Oh fuck” he said. he crawled his way off the dance floor. He found a nice spot to relax and lie on the ground. “It’s nice and cold here” He said. he took a deep breath in and out. He slowly drifted to sleep, which was not good.

Kevin climbed to the top of the stairs and looked over the entire living room and kitchen area. He saw Zack crawling on the ground. He ran back downstairs and found him.

“Hey Zack we need to go it’s late” Kevin kicked his sides. When he didn’t wake up or get up or acknowledge his existence he shook him. When he still didn’t get a response he became worried.

“Taylor” Kevin called out. “TAYLOR!” Kevin exclaimed. “TAYLOR SOMETHING’S WRONG!” a ton of people came over: Taylor, Elle, Lindsey, and some others.

“Oh fuck, he might have overdoses”

…

Taylor and Kevin took Zack straight to the hospital, they ran some tests and they confirmed he had overdosed on a plethora of drugs that night. He was going to be okay.

Jill was the first person Kevin called. Kevin assumed Jill had the right to know about it. He also called the rest of the gang at 3 o’clock in the morning. Steve, Christian, Dylan and Brandon all come. Kaya came too.

“Oh god is he okay?” Kaya asked.

“Yeah he should wake up any time now” Kevin said. “Sorry I called, when I did we were on our way to the hospital and I thought he was going to die” Jill hugged Kevin.

“It’s okay” Kaya said. “What happened?”

“I’ll explain later it’s a long story and I’m tired”

“You hungry?” Steve asked. Kevin nodded. “Come on” Steve took Kaya downstairs.

“Dude I don’t know why he overdosed” Christian said. “What would make him” Kevin directed his eyes over to Jill without making it completely obvious. “Hey Jill, can you do me a favor and go get me something from the machines” Jill nodded. When Jill was gone Christian and the other boys turned to Kevin.

“He went psycho ever since Jill started to date Liv. He thinks even though they broke up, Jill’s still controlling his life and his happiness”

“But that’s not true at all” Kevin shrugged.

“Wow, we are brash” Brandon said. “He totally tried to kill himself”

“Oh god” Kevin was about to have an emotional outbreak. “I didn’t even think of that” Brandon pat Kevin on the back.

“Relax”

“He’s okay, everything’s going to be okay” Christian said. “We just need to stay positive and be here for him. Because I don’t want to lose someone else I love”

…

Jill took a deep breath in. She stared at Liv from down the hall. Liv was truly beautiful in everyway, but Jill just wasn’t into that anymore. Almost losing Zack made her realize how stupid she is.

She finally got the courage to march down the hall toward Liv. “Hey” Liv leaned in to kiss her but Jill gently pushed her away.

“I’m sorry but I want to break up” she said quickly. She’s never really done this before so she just said it right then and there.

“Oh wow” Liv said. “Why?”

“I just, I’m not a lesbian, Liv. Zack’s overdose just keeps reminding me how much I love him. And I can’t be with you when my hearts somewhere else”

“Ok” she said. “Have fun” Liv walked away. Jill exhaled and smile.

“Wasn’t too bad” now to get Zack back.

…

“I don’t know why your dating Taylor” one of Lauren’s friends, Allexandrya or Lex sed. “You are giving up major popularity points by dating him.”

“I think you’re wrong. Taylor’s a senior and I’m a sophomore, those are major points. He’s a pot head, no points but he’s a smart pot head so there’s points. And he dated Liv, Liv is a tough cookie to crack, so he’s obviously sweet. More points. I climbed the ladder easily”

“You have it all figured out”

“More than you know”

…

Jill stopped by the hospital after school. Brandon texted her and told her he finally woke up and he was feeling better. That was a relief. Brandon also mentioned Zack seemed different and changed, that was also on Jill’s side. Maybe Zack would be willing to take her back.

Jill smiled as she walked into the hospital room. “Hey Zack” she started.

“Hey” he said simply and without any emotion.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. “Better I hope”

“Yeah I’m fine”

“I wanted to talk” she sat on the end of the bed. “Do you mind”

“I don’t want to get back together” he said straight up. “It’s just not going to happen”

“But—“

“I’m sorry I just…after all we’ve been through it’s just better to keep going forward rather than turn back” he explained. “We’re graduating in a few weeks, it’s time to move on while we have the chance”

Jill was a bit stunned. When Brandon said he changed she assumed in a good way. This was unreal to have her expectations stepped on.

“I need to focus on trying to graduate somehow” Zack said. “No more girls”

“Ok” she got up. It took a bit for her to walk out of the hospital room. Her brain was still processing what just happened. She was so nervous and excited for them to get back together.

Maybe she should stop dreaming and see the reality of things.

“Wait!” When Jill was practically out the door Zack called her back. For a second maybe she thought he changed hid mind. She turned to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“I just want you to know how much of a major head fuck you were”

“What?” she asked softly.

“You just had to fuck everything up” Zack started. “Our relationship was great until you fucked it up by not talking to me. I know it was hard but we could have made things right before it came to this moment when I’m rejecting you for the last time. This” Zack acknowledged the atmosphere. “It’s all your fault” Jill turned around and rushed out. Tears started to pour down her face as she was running towards the exit to the hospital.

Christian was on his way into the hospital and caught Jill as she was running and crying. “hey, what’s wrong?” he asked. He hugged her close.

“I thought I was going to explain to Zack how much we belong together and we should get back together but he just completely—“ the tears came out faster.

“Ssshh, it’s okay” he hugged her.