Caving In

What was I going to do? Everything had been going so well since Matt’s birthday, our first night together in over six years and now this. This bombshell would destroy us, just like it did the first time. What was Matt going to do? What was he going say? Would he leave? What about Mason?

I sobbed quietly as I lay on the cold tile floor of the master bathroom, that little pink plus sign glaring at me. Everything was going to be ruined because of one heated, passionate and incredible night shared between two people that longed for each other more than the air they breathed. Why hadn’t we been more careful? Hadn’t we learned the last time? The relationship between a young boy and the father he idolized was going to be thrown to the wind when this little secret reared its ugly head. My new life, which had truly just begun, was over.

There was a soft knocking on the door, “Alliebear? What’s it say?” Lindsay questioned gently, her voice thick with distress.

“Oh Lex,” I sighed, trembling.

Without hesitation Lindsay opened the door and knelt down to wrap her long arms around me, “Everything is going to be alright Al,” she comforted, scratching at my back lightly.

“How can you say that after what has already happened?” I snapped, pulling my shaky body out of her reach as I tried to stand on wobbly legs. The reflection in the mirror was a horrifying sight as mascara ran down in heavy streaks on my wet cheeks. Matt would never forgive me.

“Because I can Albany,” Lindsay groaned as she stood up. “Matt is not 19 anymore. He has become a man, a father. What makes you think he will do the same stupid shit he did back then?”

“History repeats itself, Linds,” I murmured, turning on the faucet and listening to the running water.

She shook her head, slinging an arm around my shoulders and watching me carefully through the mirror. “It doesn’t have to.”

The front door slammed shut beneath us, causing me to jump slightly and my eyes to widen. Lindsay turned me to face her, wiping her thumbs beneath my eyes in attempt to remove the black mess. “Matt and Mason are home, get yourself cleaned up and come downstairs,” she still spoke softly but now there was an edge of sternness. She sidestepped me quickly, gracefully gliding from the room.

It was now or never, I told myself as I climbed down the stairs. He had the right to know even if he would leave again.

“Mommy!” the little blonde boy perched on his father’s knee called as I planted myself firmly on the bottom step. “Daddy and I ate at the restaurant with the red clown!”

I tried hard not to roll my eyes in frustration; my emotions were already blown to hell and a small argument could turn into world war three. “Matt I told you I don’t like him eating fast food.”

Matt smiled softly, meeting me half way as I approached the couch. “He used the eyes,” he chuckled, his hands finding their familiar place on my hips. I tried to smile in response, after all it was great that he was finally getting a taste of his own medicine with those eyes of his, but my mind was elsewhere. I shuddered uncontrollably under his hands, could he feel the baby? No, of course not. He or she was only the size of a fingernail. Don’t be stupid. “Allie, are you okay?” Matt questioned, pulling away but keeping me at arm’s length. “Baby, you’re really pale,” There was that word again. Baby. He is going to be so angry. He is going to want to leave. A sick feeling of déjà vu washed over me. “Albany, snap out of it.”

Snapping back to reality, I found my voice, “Matt, can I-can I talk to you?”

Confused, Matt nodded, “Sure, I was going to head upstairs and grab stuff to go to the beach. Can we talk there? You aren’t sick are you? I can take…”

“No Matt, I’m fine, I just need to talk to you,” I replied, glancing over at Lindsay for some sort of reassurance. My stomach was tied tightly into knots. Matt smiled widely, kissing my cheek before hustling up the stairs.

Lindsay rubbed my arm slightly, “Everything is going to be alright, Allie.”

I swallowed, nodding as I hugged myself. I wanted so bad to believe her.

“Ready for the beach?” Matt called as he came back down the stairs. He grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers together as he smiled.

Mason quickly grabbed Lindsay and rushed out the back door. A perk I still wasn’t used to was living on the beach. The fire destroyed the closest thing I had ever had to a real home and now this secret would be the death of another one. How could I tell him?

“Al, you’re scaring me,” Matt said quietly from beside me as we walked through the sand.

I stopped, watching his hazel eyes in their confusion. I sighed, “I know, I’m sorry. I’m just- I’m scared too.”

Matt stopped, laying the towels and beach bag down as he sat in the sand, pulling me down on his lap. He rested his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his safe arms tightly around me, “What’s wrong? Talk to me please.”

The salty tears pricked my eyes and suddenly I was back in that old dusty library, 17 and scared. “Oh Mattie,” I cried, pressing my face into my hands. “I’m so sorry.”

Matt’s hands wrapped quickly around my wrists, dragging them from my red and puffy face. “Hey,” he hushed, “Talk to me. Why are you sorry?”

My chest felt like it was being ripped in half. Do I tell him? I have to. But I’ll lose him and Mason will too. He deserves to know. If he wants to leave, I’ll let him. I sighed, watching Mason run around with Lindsay, splashing and happy. This was so unfair to him. “Matt, I’m pregnant.”

Matt’s hands slipped from my wrists as his hazel eyes widened in surprise, “You are?”

I nodded, trying to take a breath to calm my racing heart. I kept my eyes low, not ready for the rejection that I just knew would be coming. We should have been more careful. Why did I let myself mess everything up again? 2 months of uninterrupted happiness and now this.

“Thank god!” Matt sighed, letting his forehead fall onto my shoulder.

I pushed him away, standing up. “What do you mean thank god? Aren’t you angry?”

Matt stood up too, pulling me into his chest, “I thought you were dying. I had the worst things flashing in my mind.”

“Mattie, I’m pregnant,” I said again, maybe he hadn’t heard me correctly the first time.

“I heard you,” he mumbled into my hair. “And I’m happy.”

“You are?”

“Yes,” he leaned down; softly kissing away the tears that had begun to fall. He pulled away slightly, his hands rubbing my neck, soothing. “I’m surprised,” he chuckled, his hazel eyes shining in the remaining sunset. “But I am happy,” he pulled me into his chest. “Don’t cry baby.”

I sobbed quietly into his chest. He was happy? “I was so afraid to tell you.”

Matt nodded, resting his chin on the top of my head, “You had every right to be, I didn’t give you a reason not to be. I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Matt?” I took a step back. “I won’t force you to stay with us.”

Matt sighed, shoving his hands into his jean pockets as he looked past me to Mason, “I’ve missed so much of Mason, moments I’ll never get to have with him,” he paused, looking down at me. “I will never leave you like I did. I was stupid, I didn’t know what I would be missing out on,” he took a hold of my hand, squeezing gently. “I’m not going to do that again.”

“Oh Matt,” I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck as he lifted me in the air. “We’re going to have a baby,” I murmured into his neck, biting back a giggle.

“A baby,” Matt chuckled. “Jesus Christ.”

I pulled away slightly to look at his face, still dangling in the air in his grasp, “My first appointment is Monday.”

“Mason’s first day of school?” Matt questioned, setting me down on my feet.

“Yes, I figured we could drop Mace off, then head over to the doctor’s right afterward, what do you think?” I questioned. I wanted Matt to be as involved as possible. I didn’t want him to miss a single detail.

“That sounds perfect,” he smiled, kissing me softly. “Should we tell Mason?”

I shook my head, “I don’t want to tell him until we know for sure what’s going on.”

Matt nodded, grabbing my hand, “We’re having a baby, baby.”