Searching

It was a blessing that she took the time to help me, but I felt as if that I was taking all of her time. She could be taking care of herself, not me. It was helpful, though I had the capability of learning things myself. That would take some time for me considering that I was going to help myself. Perhaps I was too stubborn to let things sink in that my past was over and it was going to stay in the past. None of my friends were here to help me. My family was gone. Even the woman who believed in me was gone, to my knowledge.

This was still swimming over my head as I punched the bag that was hanging from the ceiling. My frustration had been pent up, and this was the only way to release it before I lashed out on anyone. Tony has told me that my mood swings weren’t pretty. That I had to believe. With every hit, the bag moved. Sand spewing out from the seams as I punched it. Over and over again, I kept hitting the sand filled bag. My frustration was slowly letting out, and I kept going until it was knocked off the hinges.

With one quick punch, it flew against the room and hit the wall across from me. I looked at it, seeing that it tore into two. My hand went to my hair as I ran it through, being frustrated still. A sigh escaped my lips as I slumped to the ground, burying my face in my hands. It was a hard realization to know that I was never going to be back in the past with everyone that I knew and loved. The thought of Krissy now still made me sad. It was like I was trying to replace the empty space that had been placed there after I woke up from my frozen slumber.

When I sat there to think for a few minutes, I started to hear footsteps. I did not bother to look back as I sat in my own misery. That was when I heard her voice. “Steve?” Krissy questioned, a worry tone in her voice. I kept my face buried in my hands. “Are you okay?”

Her footsteps neared, and then I felt a light pressure on my shoulders to indicate that she was there with me. Her small hands gave my shoulders a gentle squeeze, and I brought one of my hands to place on top of one of her’s. A sigh escaped her lips. I could feel her sit behind me, having me in between her legs. Her head rested on my back.

“Talk to me, please?” she asked in a whisper. Her tone made me frown, making me think that I was hurting her feelings. “What is wrong? You know you can tell me.”

I looked ahead of myself, staring at the broken punching bag that was way ahead of us at the other end of the room. “I am just thinking about the past,” I told her, shaking my head, “I know that I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. I feel alone when no one understands who I am and where I came from.”

“Steve,” she spoke as she scooted to sit in front of me now. She moved her hand that was on my shoulder, to my cheek. I looked into her eyes as she looked into mine. “It is not your fault, none of it was ever your fault. You chose a path to live and you stuck by it. I know that it sucks, but you need to be strong and carry on with your life. Would you want your past comrades to know that you are being a girl about everything right now?”
A small chuckle came from my lips, and a small smile graced hers. That smile could always light up the room, no matter how dark it was. That smile made me feel better, and her pep talks always brought me into a better mood. How can she be right about everything? It made absolutely no sense to me. When I gave her a smile, she slowly brought her hand down from my cheek, but I reached up to place my hand over hers.

“How are you so good at pep talks?” I finally asked her, holding her small hand in mine.

“I learned a thing or two from my grandfather,” she replied, smiling as she squeezed my hand gently. “He has always gave me pep talks when I was growing up. The man is a complete genius, and I love him for basically raising me.”

“I will have to thank your grandfather then for making you so wise,” I spoke, giving a small laugh.

Not in a million years that I thought I would find someone understanding such as her. She was patient with me. She knew how to handle my mood swings perfectly. Her presence alone gave me a sense of being calm and collected. Perhaps I have fallen in love with this girl? That could be a great possibility that I was. My world seemed to revolve around her. She was basically all that I had left.

“Hey, let’s go get some lunch,” she said, pulling me up with her to stand. She smiled at me, and I smiled back as I stood to my feet. She held onto my hand as she led us out of the gym, I simply following behind her without a single care. This woman was full of many surprises, and I was falling deep for her.