She Will Be Loved

I woke up and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I’ve become comfortable enough to bathe. I turned on the water and I felt the way it hit my skin… the healthy skin, the bruised skin, the scarred skin... It was nice to have hot water again.
I used some of the Suave shampoo sitting on the shelf. It felt SO GREAT to finally get the dirt out of my hair. And the smell was replaced with old spice body wash. Erik said his friends and their girls were coming over today. I hope they like me… I kept thinking to myself.
I wanted to say I didn’t care whether they liked me or not, but I was so sick of being hated and ignored. I just wanted someone to like me. I wanted to fit in. I wanted friends
After I was clean I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself up in a towel. I peeked outside before running to my room, which is what I started calling it. My Room.
I picked a soft pink tank top (that was getting too small for me), some shorts, and my converse. My last outfit. I suppose I should ask Erik if I can run my clothes through the washer. I got dressed and went back into the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked decent, for being me. I looked a lot better than before. I realized without the dirt, my skin was soft, tan but pale, and surprisingly BLEMISH FREE. I grabbed the cover up off the counter (I’ve grown comfortable with leaving it in the open, after all, it’s only makeup) and put it over my fading black eye. Lucky I never suffered the puffing and swelling as much as the discoloration.
I heard Erik’s voice float up the stairs.
“Joslin! They’re here!” Suddenly I got nervous butterflies in my stomach. Please like me. Please like me. Please like me. I repeated in my mind as I drifted down the stairs into the living room. Everyone was sitting on the couches. They were all looking at one thing. Me. “Guys, this is Joslin.” They all said ‘hey’ in unison.
And here it came, the introductions.
“I’m Marcus. This is Charlotte.” Marcus had layered hair. With dark brown on the top, blonde on the bottom. Charlotte had silky blackish-brown hair. Natural blackish-brown hair. Charlotte was tallish. The same height as Marcus. They’re engaged.
“I’m Nicky, this is my girlfriend Amber.” Nicky was average height. Average weight. He had ear length blonde hair.
“Nice to meet you.” She had one of the most naturally beautiful smiles. She had red-orange hair(natural) and freckles scattered across her upper cheeks and her nose. She had green eyes. I wonder if she’s Irish? Amber seemed cheery, sweet, and happy. You could feel her euphoric glow radiating and controlling the whole room. I saw her smile and suddenly I smiled too. I was still a little nervous though.
“This is Michele and Johnny.” Erik motioned to the guy(most likely Johnny) with the girl (Michele obviously) on his lap.
“You can call me Mitchie if you want.” She smiled at me. She had long-ish blonde hair. She could certainly pull it off. She didn’t look like a slut either, and she felt… dependable…
I waited nervously for the next (and last) introduction.
The girl got up and walked over to me holding hands with the guy.
“That’s James and I’m Lizzy.” Married. James had emo scene cut hair that was black and covered one of his ocean blue eyes. He was wearing a tight, black Breaking Benjamin tee-shirt. Lizzy had blue and black hair. James walked up to me and… hugged me.
“WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!” he yelled playfully. Erik laughed and so did everyone else. Lizzy too. After the introductions we all just started talking and we laughed… a LOT. James is HILARIOUS. He’s the tallest of them all. And Lizzy is three inches shorter than him. I’m four inches shorter than him. Erik is three inches shorter than him. Marcus is 22, Charlotte is 21. Nicky is 23, Amber is 20 (though she looks like she’s seventeen). Johnny is 22, and Michele is 23. James is 23 and Lizzy is 21. (They are so cute together!)

Eventually they all got so caught up in talking that Erik and I slipped away from the group. We were walking around his gigantic yard and we came to a beautiful apple blossom tree. We sat down under it and just watched the clouds at the edge of the line where the leaves change to sky.
“It’s beautiful out here.” I commented in the silence with birds somewhere in the background.
“Yeah… it’s peaceful. Lena and I used to come out here all the time.” Lena? Used to? What happened?
“Who’s Lena?”
“Oh I forgot. You don’t know about her… Lena was my uh, she was my girlfriend.”
“Was? What happened?” There was a long pause. I started to get worried that he was upset. “Would you rather not talk about it?”
“No, no. It’s fine. I’m just trying to figure out where to start. Okay… uhm… Well, you know the staircase? Not the one by your room, but the other one?” Surprisingly I knew.
“The one outside of the study?”
“Yeah that one. Well, I was in there drawing. Lena came down the hall on the top of the stairs carrying a load of laundry. We didn’t know at the time but she had a clot in her brain stem. She was moving onto the next step when she went tumbling down the stairs with the basket and laundry.” I gaped. His girlfriend that he probably loved had died, and he was in the next room. “She went through the window at the bottom. She banged her head hard. I heard all the noise and I went out to see what happened. I saw the broken window, the laundry scattered on the stairs, and I leaned outside the window to see Lena in the grass outside. She just… flew through the window… She didn’t even scream… ” He was crying by now, it was subtle, but it was there… “She.. her neck just… snapped.”
I leaned over to hug him. Since we were laying down this was slightly awkward. He hugged me back, and I could tell he appreciated it because he didn’t let go. He just cried into me.
“I’m so sorry, I can’t even imagine… I wouldn’t have brought it up if I had known.” I felt awful. How could I have asked such a stupid question! What happened to your ex-girlfriend? Why isn’t she around anymore? It obviously hurts to talk about someone you lost, even if they aren’t dead. Joslin you stupid, stupid little child. But oddly enough… he smiles. We both lay side by side again, and he turns his head to look at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and killer smile that’d give Brad Pitt a run for his money.
“It’s okay Joslin. You didn’t know, and you had to find out sometime. Now is as good a time as ever.”
“There’s never a good time.”
He still watched my eyes, looking me over.
But he wasn’t looking at me like that guy at the gas station the first day I left, or the cashier at McDonald’s, or the employee stocking shelves at the other gas station. (It just hit me that I might have a very serious obsession with gas stations.) He was looking at me like I was a person. Not just a person, but like a human being. Like I mattered… Like if he looked away then the world would fall down around us. Sadly enough, he was my best friend. This stranger was my best friend.
“You know… I always thought windows resembled freedom. So, in a way… she broke away from chains, she died free.” He never looked away from my eyes. I was grateful for that.
“I never thought of it like that before.” We just continued our gazes. I was trying to figure out what his eyes reminded me of. Warmth. Care. Happiness. Compassion.
We enjoyed the silence. Simply existing in one another’s company. Neither of us wanting to turn our heads or let our eyes stray.
“Joslin…”
“Yeah?”
“What’s going on with your parents? I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it.. but I know they aren’t out of town… and I’m worried.”
After what just happened… I owed him. He was open to me about everything I asked. He deserved at least this much.
“Well kind of. My dad left us when I was five.”
“That counts I guess. What about your mom?”
“She uh, she’s home. She was home when I left…”
“So you ran away?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to go back…?” He’s not as smart as I thought. Or maybe he’s just a hopeful, happy endings type person.
“No. Never.” I looked at him, again. I wonder if he enjoyed my eyes as much as I enjoyed his.
“Good. I’d miss you.” This might sound really stupid… but I started crying. I’ve never… had anyone who missed me. For me…
“I’d miss you too.” His brown eyes lit up. It’s like all this time, as bright as he was, there was still a darkness in him that haunted him. He just needed to know someone else cared, and then his light could shine for all to see.