You Leave Me Breathless

I felt like I was dying. Dying in my own stench, my tears, and anger. Is it possible to be so upset and angry, you lock yourself away from the outside world. Outside world, as in my own bunk. I haven’t left it for 2 days straight. No one bothered me. Matty tried to call me but he never got through cause I would just throw my phone at the wall. Sam gave me that letter. Should I believe it? It explains a lot on why James has been creeping on us. But then it does not explain the fast fuckings Danny has done 2 hours after I slap him.

I sat in my bed, thinking about all this. What the fucking is going on? The pass few days, I’ve been so depress, I’ve been pissing in bottles. I heard Danny. Getting drunk every minute. Drowning his sadness in alcohol. I need to talk to someone. I finally hope out my bunk and almost fell on my face. Legs felt week. I haven’t eaten either. I come to the front room to only find Sam. Had a giant box of pizza to himself. He gave me a weak smile. I stood there and stared at him. Tired, lost, depress. He dug in the box to hand me a slice. I didn’t hesitate to take it. I took a bit of it, plopping next to him.

“How are you?” He asked. I nodded in reply. He pat my head.

“Well at least you’re out your bunk mister!” I frown down, at the floor.

“Sam, you’re quite but I know you know something I don’t.” He hand me another slice, god. I haven’t ate in awhile. He close the box so he could turn and face me.

“Yes, I do indeed. But I’ve tried my best to say out of this. Don’t get upset okay?” He said. We was the only ones on the bus. Hm.

“No promises…” He chuckled then took a deep breath. By that, I already know this is going to be long and painful for my heart. Man up.

“Well. I know how much you love Danny. You’ve notice how James would snoop in and out on you. Tying to ease in your life. James been behind it cause Danny and him used to date themselves.”

Lost a corner of my heart already. Why don’t anyone tell me shit?

“James was head over the hills for him. Danny would have sex with him and love him so. One day when tour started back up, Danny said that he needed a break. James have this thing when he gets jealous at everyone that talks to him. Danny literally went to a restaurant and the girl serving them was making small flirt talk with him. James nearly ripped her head off. When he broke up with him, he wanted to set rules: Not to fall for another guys. Danny was pissed.

“He talked me and Cam to have sex with him to anger James the first week. Ignore that part, it was a quick non sense fuck. But listen to me, Danny fell for you. Do you hear me? Danny fell for YOU! You didn’t fall for him. Danny already had his eyes on you. But he had to follow the rules by James. Because he couldn’t have you, he would released all his frustration on cheap whores and heavy drinking. He would cry at night to me. Then I told him then; Fuck James rules! He did. He tried to make it seem like you fallen in love with him and not him. It reversed and wasn’t part of the rules.

“ James caught him the next day. He start back up with whores the day after you gave him head. He told me about the hand job he gave you the next day. James doesn’t know about that one. James wanted Danny so bad, he got Matty to get in this shit.” What the fuck…What the fuck? James is sick as hell. Why would he do that? After I told him how much Matty has hurt me, he brings him back in my life? Sam took another breath. Shit! It’s not over.

“When Matty got involved, he told Danny that you was “cheating” on him. Danny didn’t care So that’s where the fuck chart came back from. Cameron actually had it to tamper. When you slap him, and started to cry, he felt bad. He knew that James would never stop until he got away from you. He’s anger build up and he went back to girls. He drank heavy at the fact you will never be his. So it’s James bitch ass fault.” Like he said, don’t get upset. Don’t get upset. My vision blurred. Damn it, I began to cry. He loved me. He loves me and James kept cutting in. He wants my Danny. My man! Sam hugged me from the side. Not only do I have to deal with Matty, now it’s James as well. I got mad. I had sex with my ex because I thought Danny was cheating on me. James brought that bastard Mat back in my life. This is his fault!

“Where is he?” I said though my teeth. I want to kill him. I want to go kill him and Mat. Sam smiled, he knew what was on my mind.

“He’s outside. How about this. Me and you? After tonight’s show, lets beat some ass.” He smirked at him. I like this idea. I like it already. There was crash in the back. We wasn’t alone. Sam point down the isle. “Danny tho is in the back. Go talk to him.”

I didn’t second think anything. I walk my way to the backroom. I open the door to a messy room. The blanket and sheets cover in smeared make-up. Bra’s scattered on the floor as well as panties. Five empty bottles of Jake, three bottles of straight Vodka under the bed. He sat in the corner with tears that stain his face. He was in his boxers and beater. His hair grew out a bit more the last time I’ve seen him. I knocked on the door.

‘D-Danny?” I stuttered. I haven’t said his name in a while and my lips miss specking it. I could tell he wanted to look up, but didn’t want to see my face. He sighed deeply and kept his eyes on the wall.

“Yes Ben?” I’ve missed him so much, when he said my name I almost cried. I found myself walking over to him. I sat in front of him and stroked his beard. He’s a mess.

“I’ve miss you…And I can’t stand being away from you.” He wonder his eyes on the ceiling. He blink back tears.

“Ben, I can’t..I just can’t. I miss you too but-” I kiss him and shutter at the touch of his lips. Alcohol was the taste of his tongue. He kiss me back, needy. Craving for more. I pulled away to take a breath. I smiled at his expression.

“Shut the fuck up!” I kissed him again. “I love you. Sam told me everything. About you and James. And about James being up our asses.” He chuckled, slight way drunk.

“So what now. James will still be watching me..”

“It’s okay. Sam and I is on it. Promise me. You’ll stay with me. Promise.” I held his hand, letting my thumb circle on his knuckles. He laid his lips on my jaw.

“I promise baby.” He muttered. He was going to fall asleep. I laid under him. He automatically wrap his arms around me and cuddle with me in the corner of the room. And he held me tight. Not letting me go.

**

We had a random set up with Her Bright Skies. The concert was short for it to be a festival. Danny held my hand the whole time till it was our turn on stage. Just to piss off James. He notice us. Couldn’t help be to laugh. We got out on the stage and goofed around. I miss this too. Danny messing with me on stage in front of the crowd. The Final Episode came on. He sung the song and kept running around me. Then he did the most sweetest thing.

He ran up to me with a rose on the part when he sung “Take my hand.” And I wanted to but I was to busy playing guitar. The drop the rose and walk off. Out of nowhere, he kick me on the ass. I smile and shook away a blush. The set was done and over with. The first thing I did was to look at Sam. He winked at me. Oh shit, he’s in with the plan. I quickly ran over back on stage to get the rose Danny has held out to me. I sniffed it like a girl and felt my heart throb. I turn around and bumped into James. Um…

“What are you trying to do?” He asked. What was I doing?

“The question is what are you doing trying to break me and Danny apart?” He laugh at me as if I was crazy.

“Really. You think I would every do all this to tear you away from him? You’re fucked up in the head.” I shoved him by the shoulders away from me. He shove me back. We’re on a stage Ben, don’t do anything stupid. I quickly got up and ran off the stage into the parking lot by our bus. He came after me. Sam hit the corner of the bus, cracking his bones in his hands. Danny did part of the other plan. He brought Matty over in the parking lot with us. I smirked at this.

“Hey James,” I said. He questioned his surrounding. “I’ll go easy on you asshole. But just because you’re a band member doesn’t mean I won’t hold back.” It’s about to got down. Matty was pissed. He stood his ground, ready to fight.

“Ready Sam?” I asked. He nodded.

“ Time for them to learn a lesson or two today.”

Sam and I against James and Matty. This isn’t looking good……