Forever Yours

Everyone went silent when Joel popped the question. I guess they were deliberating on what to say. They’re choices must’ve been be: John’s wife or just plain old Leslie. I couldn’t even speak, since I was too flummoxed about Joel having an incredulous resemblance with John. It hindered me from speaking any words.

Thank God Pat was there. “She’s Leslie, you know, O’Callaghan.”

Right after then I could feel Jared and Garrett breathe. Joel, however, smiled at me authentically and reached out his hand for me to shake. “Well it’s nice to meet the famous Leslie Anne O’Callaghan.”

I shake his hand unnaturally. “You too, Joel?”

“Kanitz.” He added.

His hands were rough and cold. And his fingers were lanky. Just like John’s.

I hate how I was comparing him and John. But I can’t help it. They look too much the same. And it hurt, every time he’d stare, every time he’d talk, every time I see John in this Joel. It fucking hurt.

“So how are you Leslie?” Jared suddenly asks from across the table. All of them averted their gaze at me. I cringed.

“Uhh. What do you mean Jare?”

“You know, how’s everything? You’ve been asking each one of us how we’re doing, well it’s your time to do some sharing.” He said.

I tried to gather the words that could describe my life without John recently. Well, it wasn’t hard finding those exact words really. That’s what I’ve been telling people every time they asked. And there’s no point in starting to lie this time.

“Horrible.” I tell him. “Incomplete, depressing, excruciating, painful...” then tears started to abruptly pile up in my eyes. “But I’m getting better. I think.” I say, trying to lighten up the tense frisson. “I mean, this is like my first time in six months that I actually talked to real human beings face to face.” I joked, managing to fake a laugh.

They forced a small chuckle too, I noticed. But I could see Joel smile at me like he was proud of me for getting by. I rubbed my eyes with the table napkin and sipped on my wine.

“Well. John’s a bastard for leaving a lovely lady like you, here in this cruel, vast world.” He suddenly speaks out of nowhere. I knew it was a joke and he was just fooling around, but he just called John a bastard. It sent a twinge of hate up my system.

“You didn’t even know John.” I say, trying to sound nice as possible.

“I did.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah. He loved you very much Leslie.” He uttered silently, like it was our little secret. “And I know he hates himself for being a bastard for leaving you here.”

I shot him a soft glare, and then breathed. “I know.”



By this point of the dinner, I wanted to go home and get drunk. Everything reminded of John here, and it was getting harder and harder to the extent where it wasn’t perdurable. They were dancing, slow dances, hip hop and all sorts.

It was like our engagement dinner. A pang of sadness hit it me right in the face. I was alone in this world now. As horrible as it sounds, I’m a widow, single and alone.

“May I have this dance?” I heard someone from behind me speak up. I tilt my head, It was Joel.

I shrug before uttering a no.

He lowered his head and sighed. “Okay then.”

I thought he was going to go away. But then, suddenly, he took the empty seat beside me and sat there with me like a total anti-social. I shook my head in disbelief. “Seriously?”

He looks at me like he doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “Seriously what?”

I roll my eyes. “Nevermind.”

He laughs. “Well. Honestly, I have no one else to talk to right now. Jared’s with his girlfriend, Pat’s busy eating cupcakes, Garrett is drunk, and Kennedy’s busy with his fiancée. And I don’t know anyone else here. Since mostly it’s Arianna’s guests. So I’m only left with one option, you.”

I smile incredulously. “Ah, I’m your last resort. Why thank you, it’s such an honour.” I tell him, sarcastically.

He gave out a grin. “Well, you’re welcome.” He says, looking at me. “Hey. You’re a really weird person Leslie. Did you know that?”

“Ouch.” I tell him, mimicking a face where I looked like I was hurt.

He chuckled once again. “Nah. I like weird people.”