You End, I Begin

I woke up confused about where I was. This was a regular thing for me at the moment because I wasn’t used to my new room in my apartment yet. But immediately, I knew this room was not my bedroom. I sat up a little, trying to work out where I was and what had happened. The first thing I realised was that under the bed sheets, I was naked. The next thing was that I wasn’t alone in this bed, as I felt a weight move next to me. Whoever it was stirred a little but I soon heard light snores come out of their mouth. As I moved my head, it pounded as few memories of last night came back to me. The last thing I remembered was being in the club with Shelley and her friends and I decided to leave with some guy and go back to my own apartment. It quickly became obvious to me that we never got there.

Laying back down and hoping the room would stop spinning, I tried to remember what happened here last night. I worried that the guy next to me would wake up any minute, so I also began planning my escape out of here. After a few minutes of laying in silence, my thought were interrupted by my phone ringing somewhere in the room. I scrambled out of bed and rushed over to where the ringtone was coming from, when I checked the screen, I saw my mom was calling me. Knowing she would only keep calling, I walked out of the bedroom and answered it.

“Hey mom,” I said, quietly. It then hit me that I was walking around a stranger’s apartment, whilst on the phone to my mom, while completely naked. I had no idea if anyone else was here or where any of my clothes were.

“Hi sweetheart,” my mom said, cheerily. “Why are you whispering?”

“Oh, I’m not, I’ve just-I’ve got a bit of a sore throat,” I lied.

“Hope you’re OK then, sweetie. I don’t want you getting ill while I’m not there to look after you.”

“What did you want, mom?” I asked, bluntly, not in the mood for small talk.

“Well, we were hoping you would come home next weekend for a visit. Your father and I will pay for your flight,” she offered.

“I can’t, sorry, I’ve got work,” I told her, still in a hushed tone.

“Well, what about in two weeks?” she asked. “They can’t expect you to work every weekend!”

“I work at a bar, weekends are our busiest times.”

“We want to see you, so can you please find a time you can come?”

“Sure, whatever. Can we talk about this later? I’ve got to go,” I told her, before quickly ending the call.

As quietly as I could, I walked back into the bedroom where the guy was still completely passed out in his bed. I grabbed my bag, put my phone back in it and found my shoes and bra underneath it. Looking across the other side of the room, I could see my dress on the floor. I put on my bra and dress quickly and gave the room one last glance, when I finally saw my underwear next to the bed. I grabbed them and slipped them on under my dress, gave the guy one last look and walked out of his bedroom. In the state I was in right now, I did not want to have to deal with the awkwardness of having to make conversation. So instead, I made my way out of his apartment and hoped I’d be able to find my way back to my own.

I flagged down a cab, gave my address and home within minutes. As soon as I unlocked my door, I threw my bag on the sofa and headed straight to the bathroom. I needed a shower, desperately. Part of me couldn’t believe what I did last night and I felt disgusted at myself. The other part of me was happy that I finally put myself out there and got a guy to notice me. In fact, not just one guy but several.

The next few weeks we basically the same. Every Friday or Saturday, Shelley, her three friends and I would get dressed up, head to a different club, have A LOT of drinks and I would end up going home with a different guy every time. The new Abby was here to stay whether I liked it or not.

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2012

“Hey, Abs, everything OK?” Roxy asked.

“Mmm,” was all that came out of my mouth, as I sat curled up on the couch with a blanket thrown over me.

“Oh, Abs,” she sighed, sitting next to me and throwing an our around me tightly.

Since I’d come back to LA, I felt completely lost. Now I was older, spending time in Phoenix made me realize how much I missed it there. I hadn’t even felt this feeling. Usually, as soon as I arrived, I couldn’t wait to get leave again. My thoughts were consumed by the amount of times my parents had asked me to visit over the years and I had made my excuses and talked my way out of going. I felt so guilty. They just wanted to see me, I understood that now. I would never deny my mom the chance to see me now, it just hurt me so much that my dad has asked me so many times and had always taken my side whenever my mom started arguing with me about coming home.

I’d been back in LA again about a week and a half and I had gone back to work and was trying to get back to a sense of routine, just as my aunt Julie had wanted. Everyone at work was really helpful in getting me back into my daily duties.

It was only within 3 days of me being back that Joel had text me to tell me he was home from tour if I wanted to meet up and talk. I hated having to tell him I was no longer in Phoenix, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before I would visit again. Now, when people asked me to visit, I would. I wouldn’t avoid them anymore.

“You need to go see that boy,” Roxy told me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“What?”

“You know what I mean,” she said. “Buy a plane ticket, get back to Arizona and go see that boy!”

“I can’t just do that!” I told her.

“Why? Why can’t you? Give me one fucking reason that is stopping you,” she demanded. I sighed and shook my head. “You can’t even think of one, can you? He’s obviously interested in you, just don’t fuck this one up, Abby.”

“How could you possibly even know that?” I asked.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious from the texts he sends you,” she smiled. “It’s Tuesday now, book a ticket for Friday night, leave straight after work and go visit for the weekend.”

“But-”

“Abby, guys like Joel don’t come around very often and even after everything you told me about what happened in high school, I think you should give this guy a chance. And do you know why? Because that was high school!” she explained. “Who gives a fuck about what happened that, you were kids, that was years ago. What matters is that you’re going through something very hard at the moment and Joel wants to be there to help. Surely that means something?”

I took in what she said and thought about it and realized she was right. Joel had come back into my life when I need him most and I don’t normally talk about fate, but it seemed right in this instance. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to believe it or not.

But I was about to find out in a few days time, I thought to myself, as I grabbed my laptop and booked myself a flight home for the weekend.