A Step to Love

His eyes widened a bit, and his eyebrows got raised, but his smile did not fade. “Well, well, well…” He laughed.

“Alex…” I sighed, pressing the towel in my hands a little. “You’re not helpi—”

“I’m kidding,” he said. He bit his lip, before speaking. He hesitated. I think he was choosing his words rather carefully, which just made me completely nervous. I mean, I just admitted I had a crush on the guy. I really feared rejection. “You know how I already feel about you, so there’s really no need to—”

“Please elaborate,” I interrupted, trying not to get my hopes up. “I truly want to know how you feel.” I sighed. What the hell was I saying?

He looked around, chuckling. “Uh…” He tried to avoid my eyes as much as possible; he only looked at them for a second, and then moved them elsewhere as he spoke. “All of the childish games, and stupid arguments, you know they were just an excuse. Being with Jenny, was just an excuse, I just told you. You already know I like you.”

I smiled. “Good.”

But he didn’t. “No.” He paused, “because you have a boyfriend.”

My smile faded, and sighed once again. “And you have a girlfriend…” Really, what was I saying? I couldn’t sound as if I was upset because I couldn’t be with him. “Alex, forget I ever said anything, please. This will never work.”

“Why?” he asked.

Wasn’t it obvious? “Because I love Brody—there’s no way I can break up with him in order to be with you. I couldn’t live with myself—and yes, I know I’m being dramatic here, but I can’t stand hurting others just so I can have an ‘okay’ status.”

He looked down. “Why did you tell me you like me then, if you were just going to reject me?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” I told him, stretching my hand to his face, lifting it up. It was so soft and firm at the same time. His skin was that perfect shade of pale and his deep blue eyes, staring right into mine. “I don’t know what to do.”

And why was it that I didn’t know what to do whenever I thought of both guys?

I paused to take another shaky breath. “And now I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I can’t tell you what to do.”

“I can’t tell you what to do,” was all he said, just like his brother had. He took my hand from his face, and placed it above my chest. “Can we be friends?” he asked me, taking my other hand and shaking it like politics.

I nodded. “That would be nice.”

“What do we have here?!” Jake’s eager voice yelled. Alex and I both turned with our hands still entwined in a shake. Jake was standing in merely a towel against the front door, causing my cheeks to turn red.

Why were these guys so comfortable being shirtless around friends? Goshie…

“What…did you hear?” I asked him, my nervousness catching up with me. I felt Alex’s hand squeeze tightly, like telling me to stay quiet.

“Only after, ‘I didn’t mean it like that’. Why? Was there something else?” He started walking toward us, which gave the opportunity to release Alex’s hold.

I opened my mouth, but it was Th—Alex, who spoke up. “No, nothing apart from us agreeing to be friends from now on.”

Jake looked surprised, but he snickered. “Well, that’s nice—we should celebrate.”

I smiled. “You’re always looking for an excuse to celebrate.”

He shrugged. “I want to see hugs.”

“What?” Alex looked at me, but didn’t wait for Jake to repeat his sentence again. He only stretched his arms, and wrapped me.

He got his lips close to my ear. “Maybe if we stay like this, he might leave.”

“Haha,” I whispered, and he let go of me. I looked at both of them. “I’m gonna go inside, I want to check on Brit,” I announced.

“Yeah, I have to put some clothes on,” said Jake, reaching for the door, but Alex laughed.

“Oh, no. You and I have to talk.”

Great, I only hoped Jake wouldn’t be mad if they were going to talk about what I thought about.

I turned my back to undistinguished sound of Alex’s voice and Jake’s laughter, and walked up to the living room, trying to dissimulate as much as possible. I looked carefully to my left and then to my right, trying to find Brittany and Joseph.

But I didn’t exactly find them. I decided then to bring (my already dry) towel and put it on the sofa, and then I sat on it. I looked for the remote control and turned on the TV to an episode of Chowder, a weird show about a cat that started last year.

I think he’s a cat. Or a rabbit. A really fat rabbit.

I pursed my lips. If there’s nothing else…

“Hey,” I heard a voice behind me.

“Hey,” I replied without looking up.

Then I felt some weight next to me, and some blonde curls landed on my lap. “I’m done.”

I caressed the blonde curls. “You have an exceptional timing.” I paused. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you when we go to sleep,” she said. “He’s around there, somewhere, and the others might be, too. I don’t want to get caught talking about others.”

I nodded. “I think Gabriel is still showering, Jake and Alex are outside talking.”

“About?”

“Alex and I talked.”

She shifted a bit under my hand, and I knew she was staring at me. “What happened?”

“I’ll tell you when we go to sleep,” I repeated her lines, smiling. She only nodded.

Fifteen minutes did not pass, I was sure, because we were still watching the same episode, but Gab came in and sat on my towel also, and then behind, came Alex and Jake.

I pushed a little Brittany’s head so I could get up. I walked toward Jake, who looked neutral. Alex passed next to me to the sofa.

“What did he say?” was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

“You told him.”

I nodded. “Are you mad?”

He smiled. “Why would I be, love? You guys needed to clear everything up.”

I lifted his arms and wrapped them around myself. “Thank you.” He tightened his hold, which made my cheek press itself harder on his bare chest. I separated a bit. “Please put some clothes on.”

“Where’s Joe?” I heard Jake ask, and it was Brit who answered.

“Backyard.”

Jake let go of me, and walked up to the sliding door, opening and yelling out Joe’s name. He told him to come over and when he did, Jake turned to me.

“You’re going to tell us where we’re sleeping, right?”

I tilted my head as everyone looked at me. “Well, for a big house there’s only two rooms for six people. I suggest we all choose where we want to sleep.”

“But you won the prize, you get to choose,” said Gabriel.

I shrugged. “I don’t care. I say we all choose.”

Brit got up then and ran toward me, embracing me in a tight hug. “You stay with me.”

I looked at Joe, trying to see any reaction upon his face. He just looked a bit worried, that’s all. Nothing else came up.

“Okay.”

~*~*~*~*~

“You’re such a bad friend!!” She yelled, almost waking the rest up. I quickly covered her mouth with my hands and my eyes widened.

“Shh!” She tried talking over my mouth, as I tried to calm her down. When she did, I took my pillow and slapped her head. “Sasha was the only one to know.” I checked. “Oh, and there was Jake.”

“Jake,” she gasped exaggeratedly. “Over me?”

I laughed. “I didn’t know what you’d think!”

The guys had decided that Brit and I should take one room; the brothers took the living room seeming they still had to finish talking. I didn’t know how they were going to sleep in the sofa, but Gab and Joe took the other room.

Nevertheless, our room had Alex’s luggage while the other room had Jake’s.

“What could I possibly think about your liking in my brother…Oh, wait.” She pointed to her mouth and let out her tongue.

I scoffed. “See?”

“Kidding. I imagined you liked him or something.” She looked like she remembered something and breathed softly. She took our quilt and pressed it tightly to her chest, while crossing her legs on the bed. “What about Brody? He’s been so nice to you.”

“I’m not breaking up with him,” I told her. I crawled over to a silver lamp on the bedside table, and switch it off. I silently thanked that this room wasn’t Joe’s grandfather’s, because that would be creepy. “Alex and I agreed on being friends. Just that.”

I heard her “hmm” over the darkness. “What stress.” I climbed over to the bed and under the silky floral quilt we shared.

“Mhm.” I paused. “What happened with Joe? Did you guys get the chance to talk about everything?”

“He told me he was really sorry,” I heard her say.

I exhaled. “And you forgave him.” She knew it wasn’t exactly a question, but I felt her nod beside me.