Internally Dead

I must have fell asleep because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake.

"Sophie. Sophie wake up, we're here. Sophie!" Danny was looking down at me from the open passengers door.

"We're here?" I asked not quite awake yet. Danny nodded and reached out a helping hand. I took it and stepped out of the truck. We were parked in the driveway of a tiny house. It was probably half the size of my old house. It was a little old looking and one of the windows didn't match the others. It was nice though, nice and cozy.

"Is this our new home?" I asked as I helped Danny get my things out of the truck bed.

He nodded and walked up to the front door. He pulled out a key from his jeans pocket. Now the inside of the house was completely different from the inside. The front door opened up into a small living room that had one couch and a small television set which was set on a small stand type thing. As we continued on into the house we walked down a small hall that ended soon with a bathroom. There was two rooms at the end as well. One on the right and one on the left. The bathroom was between them. Danny went into the one on the left.
After he sat my bags on the floor he turned to me and sighed.

"Now, it isn't much. You can only get so much when you are in school and the only one paying the bills. But it should do until we can make more money." He examined the room. "I tried to paint it so that it would be a little nicer. The beige walls that were here before were a bit depressing."

The walls were painted a baby blue color. My favorite color. There was one window that faced the small backyard. There was a small twin sized bed with dark blue comforters. One dresser and a small closet. Danny was right, it wasn't much, but it was alright with me because I didn't expect much.

Danny saw me scrutinizing the room and he scratched his head. "Well okay then," he walked out the room across the hall to his room. "This is my room." If I thought my room was not much, I don't know what Danny's was. He had a small desk and also a twin sized bed but he didn't have a dresser only a smaller closet than mine. His room walls were what he must have been describing as the "depressing beige" color.

"Why didn't you paint your walls?" I asked.

"I only had enough money to buy paint for you." he answered and then walked out the room. I followed him down the hall and into the living room. Off to the right of the room was an opening into a small kitchen that I must have missed when I came into the house. A stove, a fridge, a small table for four, a sink and that was it.

"Well that's it. Like I said it's not much, but it's our home now." Danny said and again he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. For the first time since he had picked me up, I took in my brother. It had been three years since I seen him and he had changed only a little. He had the same thick dark hair, same dark brooding eyes, and the same chiseled jaw. The only difference now was he was a bit taller, at least 6 foot, a bit thinner (he had never been that big), and he looked way more stressed and tired. And yet even though he looked stressed and tired you could tell he was still very much handsome. Danny had always been good looking but it was a boyish cute. Now he had grown into a handsome young man.

"So, I know you might not be tired because you slept for a few hours, but I am beat. I drove four hours there and four hours back. Plus I have work in the morning at eight. So I am going to go to bed." he said. Before he made any move though I ran into him and gave him a hug. I had missed my brother. So much it hurt. Slowly but surely he wrapped his arms around me and laid his head on mine. I stood only to his mid chest because I was a measly 5'5.

"I love you Daniel." I was the only one who ever called him by his full name, and even I only used it in personal moments like these.

"I love you too, Sophie. So much, bug." he said into my hair.

The hug ended too soon for my liking but I let him go. I stood in the same spot until I heard his door close, then I slowly made my way back to my own room. After unpacking all my things and putting them where they belonged, I sat down on my bed. The only thing that I added to the decor of the room was a picture of me and Danny when we were at the park on my 10th birthday. A year before everything changed. A time when we were still happy.

After sitting there staring at the photo for thirty minutes, I decided to go take a shower. I grabbed my pajama pants and an old tee-shirt and made my way to the bathroom. It was a decent size, with a toilet, sink, bathtub with an in built shower. There was a mirror on the back of the door. I took in my reflection.

If you saw me and my brother walking down the street you wouldn't know we were related. Unlike him, I had curly red hair. It wasn't bright red, but more like a red with brown in it. I had green eyes too. It was a recessive thing. I was the odd one of the family. The only way you would see a resemblance in me and my brother is if you got real close. We had the same small nose, same almond shaped eyes and same full lips. And although his had faded some we both had a scatter of freckles across our nose and cheek bones.

Also unlike Danny you could still see a few fresh bruises here and there. I stripped down to my underwear and it showed the rest of my bruised and battered body. On my right side, my ribs were faintly bruised yellow and I had a trail of them up my arms. On my left side I had bruises on my thigh. Also if you looked hard enough you could see a few faint scars where I cut my legs. I didn't have anymore because when I did it for the first time when I was 14, Danny caught me and stopped me with one question, "Dad beats us up enough. Why would you want to beat yourself up anymore?" So after that, I didn't do it again.

I turned on the shower and stepped in after it got warm. It was then that it finally hit me. I was finally out. I didn't have to live another moment in that home I called hell. I was free. But why did I feel so empty, so lost?