We'll Fall in Love After Midnight

I glowed with happiness on the outside as I talked to the manager at a lingerie website and catalog, while I was crying on the inside. I was hoping she wouldn't notice my smile was fake and my eyes were full of sadness, but than I'm sure she'd understand if she knew why.

"You're definitely a looker," she said while looking at my portfolio.

"Thank you," I said softly and looked at the pictures she was viewing.

I had forgotten there was a picture of Mike and I from the photoshoot last year. I felt my heart drop even more as she smiled at it, "you're also very versatile in your look."

We spoke for a few more minutes until she offered me the gig. I thanked her and left when we were through. I walked out to my car and sat in the driver's seat. I decided to call my friend Lexi.

"Hello stranger," she giggled into the phone.

"Hello to you too. What are you doing tonight?" I asked.

"Uh, Friends marathon probably."

"Fuck that, come get wasted with me."

"What happened?" She asked.

"Mike and I broke up," I muttered.

"What?!" She practically yelled. "Girl, we're going to get white girl wasted tonight. Fuck all that shit."

I laughed, "I knew I could count on you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll text some other bitches that are down to get fucked up," she said.

We hung up and I started feeling happy. I loved that my friends were always there for me when I was down. I ran some errands before going home. Anything and everything was going to be done from keep me from moping around.

-

I woke up on my couch in only my panties. I lifted my head up, squinting, and let out a groan. The hangover kicked in as soon as I opened my eyes and met the sun. I finally got up and made my way into the bathroom. My eye makeup was more on my face than my eyes. I took a shower and went back into the living room to find my phone.

I sat down on the couch, pulling my towel closer to me, and opened up my texts. I read over them and replied to some. I decided to call Mike to wish him a happy birthday.

"Yeah?" He said into the phone.

I felt a bit taken back, as if I was annoying him. "Hey," I said quietly.

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.."

"Oh, thanks," he said quickly.

"Okay, well I'll just talk to you later."

"Whatever," he hung up the phone.

I felt the sinking feeling come back and fill me with regrets. I finally shrugged it off and changed into some sweats and a tshirt one of Mike's tshirts. I looked at the bags in the corner of my closet; Christmas presents I bought for people, mainly Mike so far. What the fuck am I supposed to do with them? Return them?

-

It was the day after Christmas, and Mike's gifts remained in my closet. We hadn't talked since his birthday, and I was slowly getting used to not talking. I was back to being the single Maci and I accepted it but at the same time I feared it'd stay this way and I wouldn't have Mike ever again. My friends kept me occupied with getting drunk at parties and keeping me out of the house.

I was shopping by myself when I saw a familiar person. I smirked as he walked over to me, "well look who it is."

"Hi, Austin."

"Heard you and your boy broke up," he smiled.

"Yes, and that doesn't mean I'm necessarily on the market," I said and went back to looking at the shelves of products.

"What are you doing for New Years?" He asked.

"I don't know, probably in the VIP area of a club you can't get into."

"Ouch. So why'd you break up?"

"Why are you still talking to me?!" I snapped and turned to look at him. "We broke up because of personal reasons, mainly because I admitted to liking you again!" A few people on the aisle looked at me.

"What?" He asked quietly.

"I'm not repeating myself. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get going," I said as I walked past him.

I quickly paid for my stuff and went home. I was trying my best to not breakdown and cry, but I wasn't doing that good of a job. My heart was hurting and I needed to talk to Mike. I found my phone and hesitated before clicking the call button.

"Hello?"

"Can we fuck and make up already? I fucking miss you," I cried.

"I don't think its that easy," he said.

"But it has been in the past." Mike stayed quiet, which killed me even more. "Mikey, please don't do this to me."

"Its different this time around, Maci. Look, if you wanna talk, I'd rather do this in person."

"Who's coming to who?" I asked.

"I'll be there in like three hours, I guess," he sounded annoyed again. I sat and waited for him. A knock came from my door three hours later and it unlocked. I looked over as he walked in and relocked the door. "Hi," he said and walked over to the couch. I didn't bother answering and looked back at the television. I was dreading talking to him because I knew in my gut that it was going to be bad. "Will you stop watching the fucking TV? I didn't drive two hours to sit and watch TV."

I turned off the TV and looked at him, "sorry, I just want to keep my mind off of shit."

"Well that isn't going to help if we don't just talk about this shit already."

"Alright, Mike. Just say whatever you need to say then," I said, fiddling with my thumbs.

"As much as I wanna be with you, Mace, I just can't. I'm paranoid that you're fucking other guys when I'm not around, especially Austin," he looked down. He looked guilty and like he wasn't telling me something.

"Go on," I said quietly.

He looked up at me on the verge of tears and shook his head, "I'm so sorry, Maci," he whispered.

I stared at him and before I knew what I was doing, my hand slapped him hard across his cheek. "Why?!" I screamed and began crying.

"I don't know! I'm sorry," he had a panicked voice and he looked like he was going to completely breakdown.

"You do know why!"

"Because I was drunk and I kept feeling like you were cheating on me, so I just did it. I've felt awful ever since and I haven't known how to bring it up. The more we fought, the shittier of a person I felt like and the more I pushed you away," he looked down at his lap. "I hate myself for it."

I began crying into my hands, "why does every guy cheat on me? Am I that shitty of a person? Am I that ugly? Obviously something is fucking wrong with me."

"You're not a shitty or ugly person. You're beautiful, we're the ugly ones. Trust me, baby, nothing is wrong with you. We're just programmed shitty. If I could take it all back, I would but I can't," he rubbed my back.

"Don't fucking touch me," I pushed his hand away. I stood up and went to my bedroom to get him all the stuff I bought. I threw the bags at him, "here, asshole, I bought you tons of shit for your birthday and Christmas. Please get out of my apartment."

Mike stared at me for a few minutes before getting off the couch and picking up the bags. He left finally and I sat on the couch, continuing to cry into my hands. I cried until I couldn't anymore, ending in me throwing up from nerves. I guess its a good thing New Years is a few days away; new year, new Maci Westfall.