Under a Paper Moon

Inset day. Thank the good holy lord! I really could not be bothered with school today; well no I couldn’t be bothered with school any day, but today especially. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to be sick. Really all I wanted to do was lie in bed here with Fraser all day and be lazy and cute, it’s less effort than standing up and walking around. Fucking hangovers I don’t know – it’s not too bad though, not as bad as what I’d expected it to be.

“So what do you wanna do today?” Fraser asked, his left hand playing with my hair as I snuggled into his side, head on his shoulder, arm around his waist.

“I dunno,” I yawned, “lie here and kiss you?”

I leant up and pressed my lips to his, emphasising my suggestion. He smiled into the kiss as his hands fell down to my hips, pulling me over so I was lying on top of him. Oh, well then Fraser, if you really want to play this game. I tried my best to stop myself from smirking as I pushed my tongue past his lips, which he made no protests to. Hmm I wonder if he’d let me go further… I don’t know. Do I want to go further? Sigh, dilemmas dilemmas.

I will if he’s happy with going further, I don’t want to ask though that’d be weird and awkward. So I rolled us over so he was on top, which I think shocked him a little bit. I then gave in a little, allowing him to push his tongue past mine and into my mouth. I felt him smile a little as he pulled away, looking down at me with big, bright, lust filled eyes. I bit back a whine, I wasn’t THAT desperate, I hoped anyway. We just lay there, for god knows how long, staring at each other and waiting for someone to say something or do something. I don’t know. Then all of a sudden, his lips were attached to my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin.

“mm, Fraserr,” I moaned, the jeans I was still wearing from yesterday tightening slightly. Oops. I could feel his hands trailing up and down my sides, stopping at the hem of my shirt. He tugged it up slightly, telling me that he wanted it off. To which I happily obliged. His lips left my neck and I reached down to pull my t-shirt over my head, immediately feeling self-conscious once the material had been discarded. What if he thought I was ugly? What if he noticed how thin I was and how ugly I was? Ugh. He could break up with me right this very second because of how ugly I am… dammit.

“Gus, babe, you okay?” he mumbled, looking down at me. I nodded half-heartedly. “Don’t lie to me, what’s wrong?”

He climbed off me and sat on the empty space beside me. Um, no I want making out please don’t stop. He took one of my hands between his own and looked at me, expression filled with concern. What had given me away? Fuuuck… was I going to have to explain to him?

“Nothing’s wrong,” I sighed and leant over the side of the bed to pick up my t-shirt again, well that had been short-lived, hadn’t it?

“Liar,” Fraser huffed, sticking his lower lip out in a pout. I couldn’t lie to him, of course I couldn’t. But at the same time I didn’t particularly want his pity, which was all he was going to give me once he found out how much I actually loathed myself. “Did I go too far?” he squeaked, biting his lip. Oh, god no he hadn’t, I was happy with just about anything. In fact I’d really like to fuck him right here, right now.

Shut up.

“No, no Fraser you didn’t,” I shook my head, “I just… I feel a little self-conscious,” I added a laugh at the end, to make it seem like I wasn’t too concerned about it.

“Oh,” Fraser smiled, “well you shouldn’t be, because you’re just absolutely perfect,”

He pressed his lips to mine softly. I knew he was lying through his teeth about that but oh well, I get kisses out of it. And he bought the whole ‘just a little self-conscious I mean it’s not like I’ve punched a mirror because of my self-loathing and been taken to the hospital because of it before’ thing. Probably shouldn’t have said that, but yeah I punched a mirror in a fit of hysterics and cut my hand up real bad and broke my knuckle… Don’t judge me please.

I smiled into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer to me, just at the same time he wrapped his arms around my neck. We sat like that for a while, lips and bodies pressed together. That was, until, the door creaked open slightly. I thought it might’ve been the cat that I think they owned.

“Hey, Fraser did you know we have an inse- oh my god gay,” I heard John babble. Oh god, no no no what. No. I could feel my cheeks heat up as I shrunk back into the pillow, hiding my face in it so he didn’t recognise me.

“John!” Fraser gasped, “what are you doing in here?”

“Did you sleep with your boyfriend last night?” He laughed, ignoring his question and obviously not noticing it was me, “god that’s gross. I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend!”

“Well, I do,” Fraser replied, “what’s it to you?”

“Nothing,” John chuckled, “hey Mr. Boyfriend! I’m John, and you?”

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. I hoped my voice was muffled enough by the pillow so he didn’t recognise my voice. I couldn’t have him finding out I was gay! Not like this! “Hi. I’m…umm…”

“Wait...” he gasped, “Gustav?!”

I groaned, no point hiding it now is there? He’d figured it out. God dammit. I turned my head around so I was looking at him, a sheepish smile on my face. His expression was just the picture of shock, his eyes were wide, jaw slightly slack, oh god… “Hi,” I closed my eyes and bit my lip, wishing all this would just go away, “fancy seeing you here!”