Status: Coming Soon!!
Who Knew Then? (What We Know Now?)
Brokenhearted
Jared
“Eric, what am I gonna do?” I bawled into the phone. I hadn’t left my bed for the past week – it was like Kass had disappeared off of the face of the planet. She didn’t answer her phone, there was nobody at her dad’s house, and my parents didn’t seem to know where she was either. As far as mom knew she’d been planning on going back to her dad’s in Sudbury.
“I don’t know Jared. If you wouldn’t have been such an ass you wouldn’t be in this predicament,” he harshly told me. It was no secret that both he and Tanya were angry with me, and I didn’t blame them. Most of the guys on the team were less than supportive too. I understood, I did, but I didn’t know how to fix the mess I’d made.
“I know Eric, but you have to help me; I love her, she’s everything to me,” I sobbed, and heard his frustrated sigh on the other end.
“Well you sure didn’t make that clear to her, did you? You put her through all of that shit at the beginning of the season for the past how many years? Never once did you consider what it did to her, did you?” it stung, hearing the brutal, honest truth from my brother.
“I know,”
“So why should she want to come back? She deserves better than what you’ve done to her Jared, so regardless of the fact that she loved you did you ever think of the fact that maybe you don’t deserve her?” he demanded, and that started a new round of tears.
“I know, I don’t deserve her – I didn’t deserve her from the start Eric! But I love her, and she means the world to me, I don’t know what I’ll do without her. I’d give it all up for her Eric – I’d never play another game of hockey as long as I live if that meant I could have her back,” I admitted, and heard silence on the line. He obviously hadn't expected that answer out of me.
“Well I think you’ll have to prove that to her, telling me won’t do shit,”
“I don’t know how Eric – I can’t even get a hold of her,”
“That’s your problem, not mine. Look, I'm sorry but I’ve got to go – Parker’s got the flu and I think Tanya’s coming down with it too. Talk to you later,” his voice softened at his last few words before he hung up, and I was left to cry until there were no more tears left.
I stared at our empty room; the walls feeling barren and cold, the way I’d felt since racing here to find she’d really left. I hadn’t found the will power to put up the pictures that had still been in boxes, but I didn’t have the strength to take down the ones that we’d put up that night we’d spent unpacking. I clung to anything that reminded me of her, and I was desperate to get her back. To make things right and prove to her just how much I loved her, and how much she meant to me. I’d finally put the ring on her finger that she’d deserved years ago, as long as she’d have me.
I couldn’t help but picture her finding somebody else, and being happy. That’s what would kill me, knowing someone else could make her happy when I’d failed so miserably. I had no plan B for if she didn’t want me back, and to be honest I don’t think there’d be anything left of my heart to worry about if she didn’t. Any reason I’d have to live and strive to be better would be gone. Sounds stupid and ridiculously overdramatic, but it was true.
“Eric, what am I gonna do?” I bawled into the phone. I hadn’t left my bed for the past week – it was like Kass had disappeared off of the face of the planet. She didn’t answer her phone, there was nobody at her dad’s house, and my parents didn’t seem to know where she was either. As far as mom knew she’d been planning on going back to her dad’s in Sudbury.
“I don’t know Jared. If you wouldn’t have been such an ass you wouldn’t be in this predicament,” he harshly told me. It was no secret that both he and Tanya were angry with me, and I didn’t blame them. Most of the guys on the team were less than supportive too. I understood, I did, but I didn’t know how to fix the mess I’d made.
“I know Eric, but you have to help me; I love her, she’s everything to me,” I sobbed, and heard his frustrated sigh on the other end.
“Well you sure didn’t make that clear to her, did you? You put her through all of that shit at the beginning of the season for the past how many years? Never once did you consider what it did to her, did you?” it stung, hearing the brutal, honest truth from my brother.
“I know,”
“So why should she want to come back? She deserves better than what you’ve done to her Jared, so regardless of the fact that she loved you did you ever think of the fact that maybe you don’t deserve her?” he demanded, and that started a new round of tears.
“I know, I don’t deserve her – I didn’t deserve her from the start Eric! But I love her, and she means the world to me, I don’t know what I’ll do without her. I’d give it all up for her Eric – I’d never play another game of hockey as long as I live if that meant I could have her back,” I admitted, and heard silence on the line. He obviously hadn't expected that answer out of me.
“Well I think you’ll have to prove that to her, telling me won’t do shit,”
“I don’t know how Eric – I can’t even get a hold of her,”
“That’s your problem, not mine. Look, I'm sorry but I’ve got to go – Parker’s got the flu and I think Tanya’s coming down with it too. Talk to you later,” his voice softened at his last few words before he hung up, and I was left to cry until there were no more tears left.
I stared at our empty room; the walls feeling barren and cold, the way I’d felt since racing here to find she’d really left. I hadn’t found the will power to put up the pictures that had still been in boxes, but I didn’t have the strength to take down the ones that we’d put up that night we’d spent unpacking. I clung to anything that reminded me of her, and I was desperate to get her back. To make things right and prove to her just how much I loved her, and how much she meant to me. I’d finally put the ring on her finger that she’d deserved years ago, as long as she’d have me.
I couldn’t help but picture her finding somebody else, and being happy. That’s what would kill me, knowing someone else could make her happy when I’d failed so miserably. I had no plan B for if she didn’t want me back, and to be honest I don’t think there’d be anything left of my heart to worry about if she didn’t. Any reason I’d have to live and strive to be better would be gone. Sounds stupid and ridiculously overdramatic, but it was true.
♠ ♠ ♠
:)