Who Knew Then? (What We Know Now?)

The last two weeks Jared’s mood had been such a roller coaster I was exhausted even thinking about it. Occasionally he had good days – ones where he was on Cloud Nine; laughing all day, smiling, cuddly, like my Jared. Others he was moody, dark and nearly depressed. It was getting to the point where I didn’t even know what to do, how to help him or even how to comfort him. And to make it worse I’d been sick more and more often, without knowing why.

“Bye Jare,” he managed a small smile and kissed my forehead, his hands trembling slightly. Today he’d find out if he’d made the last round of cuts for the Hurricanes, and he hadn’t slept a wink last night worrying about it, because it might play a huge part in a contract extension. I on the other hand had been to the bathroom countless times throwing up or heaving, which I had accounted to the nerves for Jared.

“Okay boys – go play in the living room, all right?” Tanya said, and obediently the two exited the kitchen, leaving us to clean up breakfast. I hadn’t eaten, my stomach too touchy, and I was still feeling like heaving at any moment.

“Spill it sweetheart,” Tanya asked as soon as she heard the TV turn on loudly to Tree House.

“Spill what?”

“Why you’ve been sick the past few weeks, Jared’s worrying about you, and so are Eric and the boys, and so am I,” she explained, and I shrugged.

“I think it’s nerves Tan; I’m just as worried about all this as Jared is,” I told her, but her look told me she didn’t believe me.

“Come on, you can’t expect me to believe that,”

“I’m sure that’s all it is Tanya, Jared and I seem to be getting into fights the past few weeks, and things seem more tense when he’s in those moods… I just don’t know what to do to help him. I want to see him succeed Tanya, and I’m scared what it will do to him if he doesn’t make it,” She rubbed my shoulders lightly for a moment, the sensation heavenly, before sitting down next to me.

“When’s the last time you had your ‘time of the month’?” she asked, catching me off guard.

“Um, well…” I blushed, both from the topic as well as not being able to come up with an answer off hand. It was a little sporadic, and stress heavily affected it.

“It usually skips when I’m really nervous or stressed out, so I hadn’t been worrying about it,” I answered, and she sighed before picking up her cell phone.

A few minutes were spent in silence, before she finally spoke up, calling to the living room.

“Boys! Get ready to go – Cody is going to pick you guys up for a play date with Nolan and Andrew,” she said, and the boys both gave a cheer before rushing to their rooms. By the time there was a knock at the door both boys were waiting excitedly, their small backpacks stuffed with toys to play with. I always had to laugh at the things we found in Levi’s backpack – he didn’t really understand the whole concept but wanted to copy Parker, so oddball objects usually made up his pack.

“Thanks so much Cody,” Tanya thanked her best friend in Raleigh, who shrugged it off.

“Not a problem Tanya – you know the boys love to play together! You can come pick them up whenever you want, just send me a text. Get well soon Kass!” she threw over Tanya’s shoulder as they were out the door, and I managed a small, embarrassed wave at the slightly older woman.

“Okay, now get your butt dressed – we are going to the doctor,” she informed me, and I’m sure my jaw dropped to hit the ground.

“What? Why?” I asked, and she sighed.

“Come on, think about it Kassy. We need to rule out pregnancy for your mysterious sickness,” she said, and I felt my breath catch in my throat and my heart momentarily stop beating. I couldn’t be pregnant – sex wasn’t much of a usual habit for us, and we did we were always extremely careful.

“I don’t think that’s it Tan,”

“Well just for peace of mind, okay?” she pushed, and I nodded. She wrapped me up in a hug, sensing my trepidation at this concept.

I’d always thought I was going to wait until I was married before having sex. Jared was always more than respectful of that decision, but after four years of being together I couldn’t picture myself marrying anyone other than him, and so had made the decision that he was the one. Jared had put it off for months, wanting me to be sure I wasn’t making a mistake, and I’d been certain it was the right decision. So it was still a fairly “new” thing for us – this past year had been a bit of a learning experience for the both of us.

But I couldn’t be pregnant, neither of us were ready for that. I mean, we were twenty-three, well, I would be twenty-three next week, but we were by no means ready for this. We’d talked about it, sure, but that’s different. That had always been in a future and married sense.

I slowly traipsed downstairs and changed into nicer clothes, even going so far as to put some makeup on before grabbing my purse and hauling myself back up the stairs to find Tanya waiting in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry Kassy, I don’t want to make you freak out, I just want to help you feel better,” she immediately apologized, wrapping her arms around me.

“I know Tanya, I know. It’s just… with how things have been lately, this is the last thing we need,” I explained, and she nodded.

“I know, but it’ll be okay, you’ll always have us sweetheart, and Jared loves you, no matter what,” she assured me, and with that we headed out the door.