So Far Away

”I'm going to kill you if you don't let me out of this room,” I muttered.

I was sitting on the corner of the room, glaring at Jimmy who was sitting in front of the door.

We had been staying in the room for at least an hour.

Jimmy was refusing to open the door for me and let me out. He told me that if I don't want to talk about our little problem then he doesn't want to let me out.

He said that we would either leave the room hand in hand or ready to file for divorce.

He had planned the whole thing. He had taken Mason to my sister who would look after him for the day. And he had brought food for me in case I got hungry which I actually got because I hadn't eaten anything.

But the thing was, he had known that I would march into the room and start shouting at him.

”I need to pee. Do you want me to pee on your drums?” I asked.

”You're not going to pee on my drums,” he muttered.

”Do you want to see me try?”

”No.”

”Then let me out of here,” I said.

”Can't we just talk about this? Because I know you and I know that if I let you out now, you won't give me a chance to talk about this anymore. You're going straight to your mom and cry because of how bad of a husband I am. Your mom will start hating me and she won't let me near you. Then you're not going to let me see Mason and soon we're divorced,” he told me.

”You can only blame yourself if that happens,” I muttered.

”I know. I'm not trying to blame you for any of this. I'm just trying to make you understand that I did this for us. I want us to be together so bad that I kept this whole thing from you. I'm trying to protect our marriage, Rachel,” he told me.

”I'm going to punch you if you give me any of that ”protecting our marriage” bullshit again,” I muttered.

He laughed and I shot him a death glare which made him shut up.

”Okay, just... I don't understand how you can act like that. I mean, this is not the Jimmy I know. I don't understand how you can just ignore the fact that you have a son somewhere out there,” I said quietly.

”I've sent him money every month.”

”But he doesn't have a father!”

”Well, his mother is seeing some guy...” Jimmy said.

”But you're his father!” I exclaimed.

”Don't you think I know that by now? Do you think I'll ever be able to forget that I did the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on you and now I have a son with someone else? Do you think that you will ever let me forget?”

”Stop acting like the victim here. No one forced you to fuck her. We wouldn't even be in this situation if you had told me about that child,” I told him.

”Well, now you know.”

”You know what? I know what we're going to do. First of all, you're going to get to know to your son. I don't want a child to live his life without his real father. And while you do that, you will get your shit out of our bedroom and move into the guest room.”

”And if Mason asks why you're not sleeping in the bedroom with mommy, you're going to explain this situation to him,” I told him.

”I can't tell a four-year-old that his dad made another child with someone other than his mom,” Jimmy told me.

”I don't care what you can or cannot tell him. You're going to explain him how things are from now on. Okay?” I stood up and rested my hands against my little baby belly.

”Fine. Can I hug you?” he asked as I started walking towards him and the door.

”No.”

”Rachel...”

”No. You have no idea how mad I am at you. How would you feel if I had a child with some other guy?” I asked.

His face fell and he grimaced.

”Exactly. Now, open the door for me,” I muttered.

He pulled out the keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. I opened it and pushed him out of my way before marching out of the room.

Hours passed by and I didn't talk to Jimmy. He mostly stayed in his drum kit room and played his drums, just to annoy me.

And to be honest with you, I had no idea why he was trying to annoy me. I mean, he had no reason to be mad at me. I was supposed to be angry at him and not the other way round.

After about three hours of listening to him play, I turned off the TV because it was no use since I couldn't hear anything other than the drums.

I marched to his drum room, opened the door and he stopped playing. He was looking at me.

”Stop. Just stop, okay? I don't want to hear you playing your stupid songs or whatever! I want to live normal family life with my kid and my husband! I don't need this kind of stupid fighting! I want a loving relationship and I want to be able to trust my husband! I need you to come and tell me that we can make it, we can pull through this! You're not acting like a grown-up and I need you to take responsibility for once!” I exclaimed.

He just sat there, staring at me.

”Say something!” I shouted.

He flinched and shrugged.

”What do you want me to say?”

”Anything,” I mumbled and sniffled.

I tried to stay strong but the tears started streaming down my face.

I lifted my hand up to my face, covering my mouth. I started shaking my head and blinking my eyes, trying to make the tears go away.

”I want a happy marriage. I want my Jimmy back. I wasn't ready for this – I don't think I can do this,” I mumbled through sniffles.

He stood up and started walking to me.

For a moment he seemed to be unsure if he could touch me. I nodded slightly and he wasted no time in wrapping me into his arms and holding me tightly. I cried against his chest and held on to him like a little child.

”Shh, it's going to be okay,” he whispered and stroked my hair, ”We can do this. Everything is going to be just fine.”

And there it was, just what I needed to hear.

Everything was going to be okay. Even if it wasn't even slightly true, it made me feel better. I believed him. Everything was going to be okay.