Saviour

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Not the most pleasant sound you want to wake up to, but then again, I didn’t want to wake up.

I heard the door somewhere in the room open and someone walk over to the bed before sitting down and grabbing my hand. I knew the touch belonged to Andy straight away. He started rubbing his thumb gently over the top of my hand, before he lifted it up and pressed his lips to it.

“Lizzie, I need you to wake up, please.” He whispered.

I could tell he had been crying, it was evident in his voice.

“I need you. You’re what keeps me going, especially after my Grandpa.”

I tried squeezing his hand, let him know I can hear him, but nothing happened. I kept trying, but eventually gave up. I felt the need to try and open my eyes and almost succeeded until I was blinded by the light. I opened them again, slower this time and slowed moved my head to look at my right, where Andy was sat. I tried squeezing his hand again as he wasn’t looking, only for it to cause sheer pain up my arm. I gasped and relaxed my hand.

Andy’s head shot up and he looked at me wide eyed.

“Thank god you’re awake.” He said going to hug me.

I coward away causing him to stop mid movement and looked at me confused.

“I’m not going to hurt you Lizzie.” He said.

I shook my head and just held my hand out. It was the only form of contact I was comfortable with.

“H-how long was I out for?” I asked.

“Round about twelve hours.” Andy said, looking at me, a pained expression on his face.

I looked away, ashamed that he saw me like this.

“Lizzie, why?” Andy asked.

I shrugged.

“You must know why you did this.”

I stayed silent.

“Talk to me, please.” He begged.

I turned back to him and saw a tear roll down his cheek.

“Don’t cry.” I croaked.

“I just worry about you.” He said. “You scared me back there. Lizzie, I need you to tell me why you did it. I want to help you.” He said.

I stayed silent, knowing that sooner or later he would figure out who it was. He wasn’t stupid, I don’t need to tell him things, he knows what upsets me, and he knows the main one is my Dad. It won’t be long until he puts two and two together.

“That note back at the house.” He started. “Was it from your Dad?” He asked.

See, I told you.

I nodded my head, ashamed that Andy knew my Dad was the cause of this.

“Lizzie, what’s he done? Why was he threatening you like that?”

I stayed silent, although I knew he would keep asking until I told him, I just didn’t want to talk about it.

“I’m going to ask you one more time Lizzie, so please answer.” He said. “What did your Dad do to you?”

Just as he asked the doctor came into the room. I silently thanked him and looked at Andy to see the annoyance on his face.

“You’re awake.” The Doctor smiled, walking over to the bed, and checked everything.

“I could be better.” I croaked.

He pressed his lips together and nodded. He pointed at my wrists.

“How are they feeling?”

“Burning.” I said.

He nodded and I looked at Andy, the look of discomfort on his face as he looked at my wrist caused guilt to run through me. I broke my promise to him. He has every right to be pissed at me and never want to see me again, so why is he now? He’ll no doubt leave once he finds out what my Dad did anyway.

“Elizabeth you do release what you did could of ended with very serious consequences?” The Doctor asked.

I cringed and nodded. No one has ever called me Elizabeth apart from my Dad.

“And you do realise we will need to have a chat about what brought this on?”

Again, I nodded.

“Alright, well I’ll let you spend some time with Mr Biersack, and then I’ll send someone in for you to talk to.”

The doctor looked between us both before leaving. I waited for the door to shut before turning back to looking out the window that was to my left.

“When are you going to tell me Lizzie?” Andy started again.

“When I have to speak to whoever it is I need to speak to.” I said.

Andy sighed and sat back in his chair.

“Do I not a least deserve the right to know before them?”

I shrugged, fighting back the tears.

“I’m your boyfriend, Lizzie, you’re meant to be able to tell me these things.” He said, grabbing my hand.

“And that’s why it’s harder to tell you, Andy. Because you’re my boyfriend makes it harder for me to tell you.” I cried.

“What? Why?”

“Because when you find out what happened, you’ll leave me. You’ll never see me in the same way again. I won’t be the Lizzie you know.”

“Alright, you’re scaring me now.” Andy said, fighting back the tears. “I would never leave you, yeah okay, maybe to go and attack the fucker, but I could never leave you in the way you’re thinking of, I love you too much to do that. I’d support you, see past your flaws, Lizzie, you need to realise this. I will never leave you just because of something he did.”

“I-I love you, Andy.” I cried.

“I love you too.” He smiled slightly.

I reached out to him, indicating that I wanted a hug.

“So now you want a hug?” He questioned raising his perfect eyebrow.

I giggled slightly and nodded.

“Alright.” He said and hugged.

I stiffened at first at the contact but soon relaxed knowing that Andy would never hurt me. Andy pulled away slightly and gave me a kiss, before pulling me into another hug. We stayed like this for a while, until there was a knock on the door, causing us both to pull apart. Andy sat back down in his seat, and a woman around the age of 30/40 stepped in. She smiled slightly as she shut the door and made her way over, holding a folder.

“Hello Elizabeth, I’m Dr. Keegan, I will be your councillor for the next few months.” She said, holding her hand out for me to shake.

I shook her hand and waited for her to continue.

“Are you alright with me calling you Elizabeth? Or would you like me to call you something else?” She asked.

“Can you call me Lizzie please?” I asked.

She nodded and wrote it down on her notes. She looked back up and looked over at Andy.

“Oh, and you are?” She asked smiling, holding her hand out to him.

“Andy, her boyfriend.” He said shaking her hand.

“Alright. Shall we start?” She asked.

I looked at Andy nervously, who gave me one simple nod. I turned back to her and nodded.

“Would you like Andy to stay? Or would you rather he left?” She questioned.

“C-can he s-stay?” I stuttered.

“Of course, for this one at least.” She said.

She looked down at her notes before she started talking.

“Alright, well, Lizzie. Here on my notes, it says you had a suicide attempt, correct?” She asked.

I nodded.

“Would you mind explaining what brought it on?”

I looked at Andy nervously who grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Okay, well um-“ I coughed nervously.

“Um, A few weeks back I had just got home from work and was spending the afternoon in with my friends, when my Sister came knocking at the door covered in bruises claiming my Dad had done it, and was most likely now doing it to my Mom. So I did what any other daughter did and ran home with her, to save my Mom, but when I got there my Sister went off into the kitchen, leaving me to search the house myself. I went upstairs to where their room was and saw them both in there, talking like any other time.” I took a few deep breaths before continuing.

“My Dad started laughing at me. Telling me I was stupid for believing my Sister who was now stood in the door way. They weren’t bruises she had, it was just make up. They had tricked me into going over there so he could beat me up.” I cried.

Dr. Keegan smiled at me sympathetically and handed me a tissue before writing something down on her note. I looked at Andy and saw the anger on his face. He looked up at me and sighed before giving my hand a squeeze and bringing it up to his lips and kissing it.

“Have beatings happened before?” Dr. Keegan asked.

I nodded.

“How long?”

“Since I was around 13.” I said.

“And you’re 20 now?” She questioned.

I nodded.

“Why did you let him get away with it?”

“Because he always told me if I told anyone he would kill me. He already knows that Andy knows about the beatings in the past. That’s why he did it this time.” I said.

“Is there anything else that happened?” She questioned.

I nodded and looked at Andy, to see the worry in his eyes.

“Alright then, would you like to tell us?”

I gulped before continuing.

“When he had finished he left the room for a while, so I used that time to try and escape, but he caught me. He dragged me back to the room and he-he…” I started crying, I couldn’t bring myself to say it.

“It’s alright sweetheart.” Dr. Keegan said, rubbing my arm.

“H-He r-ra-ped me.” I cried.

I felt Andy tense up beside me, causing me to start sobbing. I was just waiting for him to leave the room, and never return.

“Oh, Lizzie.” Dr. Keegan said. “And he’s never done that before?”

I shook my head no.

“Never, I thought maybe everything had stopped because for around 2 months or so I never heard of him or anything.”

“So that’s why you tried to end your life?” She asked.

I nodded my head.

Just then a different doctor from the one earlier came in.

“Hey, sorry, we just need to change the bandages on Lizzie’s Arms.” She said.

We all nodded and she came in, holding the bandages and everything to clean the cuts.

She placed everything on the table that was at the end of the bed, then moved to my right side, and attended to that one first. She gently unravelled the bandage and placed it on the table, before getting a bit of cloth and wetting it with a bit of disinfectant before gently dabbing it over the cut, had had to be stitched together. When she finished, she wrapped a clean bandage over it and repeated the actions on my left wrist. Once she finished she left, and let Dr. Keegan continue.

“How did it make you feel seeing those cuts?” Dr. Keegan asked me.

“Disgusted with myself.” I said.

“Any reason why?”

“Because I broke my promise to Andy.” I muttered.

“And what was the promise?”

“That while he was on tour, if I had any trouble to just call him, not return to cutting.”

“Return?”

I nodded, fighting back the tears, but it was no use. My body started shaking as I sobbed. Andy jumped up and pulled me into a hug, pulling me to his chest, tangling his fingers in my hair as he shushed me.

“Alright. I think that’s enough for one day.” Dr. Keegan said. “You did very well, telling me all that for your first day, Lizzie.” She smiled.

I nodded and watched her write something down on a bit of paper.

“Now what I’ve written out here is the address for where you will see me weekly once you leave the hospital and my number if you ever need to change the appointment. There is also the time of the appointment for next week. Unfortunately from then on Andy won’t be allowed in the room with you, he’ll have to wait outside.” She said.

I just nodded as she handed the paper to me.

“There is a leaflet about depression, suicide and self-harming. I want you to have a look at it before I next see you.” She said handing it to me. “And lastly, I’ve made you out a prescription for anti-depressants. I’ll go and hand it to your doctor for you so he can give them to you just before you leave here, but I want someone else to look after them for, maybe Andy, or a friend. Someone you know you’ll be seeing on a daily basis.”

I nodded and watched her put everything away in her folder.

“Any questions either of you would like to ask me?”

I shook my head no, but Andy was the one who spoke up.

“Roughly how long will she have to have these sessions for?” He asked.

“It all depends on how well she does. For around the first month or so, she’ll have to see me weekly, then gradually it’ll go to fortnightly, then eventually monthly. She could have them for around a year, but if we see she is a lot better before then, and we believe she won’t do anything like this again, then we’ll be free to let her go but still have her documents for at least another 6 weeks in case she feels the need to speak to one of us again.”

We both nodded and she smiled.

“Is that all?”

We nodded and she shook our hands.

“Like I said, I’ll give this to your doctor now, and I’ll see you next week.” She smiled.

I smiled back slightly and nodded.

“Nice meeting you Andy.”

He nodded at her and she left the room.

“We’re going to get through this, Lizzie.” Andy said, before planting a kiss on my lips.