Saviour

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I sighed and turned onto my back. Andy’s probably gone to the studio already.

After his little breakdown last night, he spent the rest of the night up in his room, writing. When I finally went up, he was passed out on the bed, with his lyric book next to him, pen lightly clutched in his hand and his eyes had a red lining around them, making it really obvious that he had cried even more while up there.

I got out of bed and stretched, before making my way downstairs. I walked into the lounge and saw Andy sat there hunched over. I frowned and made my way over to him.

“Morning.” I said quietly.

He looked up and offered a small smile. I ignored it and sat down next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.

“How are you feeling today?” He asked me.

I looked up at him a nodded.

“I feel okay.” I said. “What about you?”

He frowned and looked down.

“Honestly?” He asked me.

I nodded.

“I’m still pissed at myself. Even though I told you everything last night, I still can’t get that nagging feeling out of my head.” He said.

“There is no reason to be angry at yourself Andy. You did nothing wrong, but save me.” I said, grabbing his arm.

He brought his left hand up and placed it on my hands.

“I still think it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t go on tour.”

I groaned and sat up.

“You’re not to blame and you could have tried backing out of the tour as much as possible, but I would still make you go. I never want you to stop pleasing your fans because of me.” I said.

He looked down and played with one of the rings on his hand. He stayed silent just looking at his hand.

“I’m not going to the studio today.” He said suddenly.

“Why?”

“I may have had a small breakdown while there yesterday.” He said.

I could feel the tears making their way to my eyes. The fact that he’s like this because he blames himself for what happened to me, really upsets me.

“Oh Andy.” I cried and hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my hair and started crying again. I tried calming him down by rubbing his back.

“Now I feel bad because you’re like this because of me.” I laughed slightly.

I felt him chuckle softly causing me to pull away and smile at him. He wiped his eyes and smiled back before kissing me. I wrapped my arms around his next and kissed him back. He kept the kiss gentle and full of love before pulling away.

“How do you stay so strong through all this?” He asked.

“I’m not exactly strong, Andy.” I frowned.

“Well the fact that you can walk around smiling almost as if nothing happened, you’re not locking yourself away from everyone, you’re getting on with your life.” He said.

I turned away and frowned.

“I’m not strong Andy. For the first month or so I refused to smile, I refused to leave my room and didn’t talk to anyone. I went back to self-harming. Andy, what’s so strong about self-harm and attempted suicide? Nothing, it’s the cowards’ way out. I’m a coward.” I said.

“Liz, if you were a coward, you wouldn’t be here right now, would you?” He asked.

I stayed silent and looked at my hands. For the first time since I had left the hospital, I started to think if I really did want to still be here or wish I succeeded. I looked up at Andy and shrugged.

“I still tried though Andy.” I said.

“But you didn’t succeed, that’s the main thing.” He said, pulling me closer to him.

I nodded and we got more comfortable on the couch. I closed my eyes and felt myself relax as he ran his fingers through my hair. It wasn’t long before I felt myself dozing off.

**

I was woken up the second time today by the doorbell going off. I heard Andy walk past the lounge and to the door, where he started talking to someone. It was long until I heard footsteps heading back towards the lounge, when I heard Jinxx talking.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around, adjusting them to the light before looking over at Andy and Jinxx. They both smiled at me as I sat up.

“I just came by to check how you both were.” Jinxx said.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Andy said.

“Sammi was going to pop round today, but she’s been called into work.” Jinxx said. “She’s worried about you Lizzie.”

I looked at him confused.

“Why?”

He shrugged.

“I’m not sure. She said something about your mom.”

I nodded.

“It’s all fine; I won’t be seeing her again until the court case.” I said.

“Alright, well give her a call at some point, yeah?”

I nodded. He smiled and turned to Andy.

“I best be off. Jake called me up throwing a hissy fit because I wasn’t at the studio already.” Jinxx laughed.

Andy nodded and led him out to the door once he had said bye to me.

I curled back up on the couch and stared at the blank TV as Andy came back into the room. He lifted my legs up and sat down before placing them back on his lap and started rubbing them gently. As I relaxed more I started getting lost in my thoughts. I thought back to yesterday when I went to see if Hayley was in and Jen told me she’d get Hayley to call me once she was home later that evening. I still haven’t got that call. Maybe I should go back to staying there. I did say I would only stay at Andy’s for a week and it’s getting closer to two weeks than just one.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Andy.

“What’s up, babe?” He asked.

I looked at him and sighed as I sat up properly.

“Maybe I should go back to Hayley’s now.” I said.

He frowned and looked away.

“Okay.” He mumbled.

We both stayed silent as I watched him. He was leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands.

I sighed and moved closer to him.

“What’s wrong Andy?” I asked.

“Nothing.” He mumbled.

“We both know that’s a load of bullshit.” I said.

I could see him smiling slightly, which caused me to smile.

“It’s just I’ve enjoyed having you around here the last week or so, even if I have spent most of the time in the studio. It’s been nice knowing I can get back and spend the night with you.” He said.

His smiled soon turned into a frown.

“That sounded corny as fuck.” He said.

I laughed and rested my head on his shoulder.

“I’ve enjoyed being here too, and even if it was ‘corny as fuck’ it’s true. Since I’ve been here and whenever I’m around you, I can forget everything that’s happened, in fact I almost get on with life as if nothing has happened and I like being like that. I like having someone who can take my mind off all the bad things. It’s what I need.” I said.

He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back as he leant in and kissed me. I kissed back and wrapped my arms around his neck as his tongue ran along my bottom lip, begging for entrance, which I responded to. Both our tongues fighting for dominance as he slowly pushed me back down on the couch and limbed on top of me, his arms taking his weight so it wasn’t all on me. His tongue won the battle they were having and started exploring my mouth, causing me to moan slightly.

He removed his lips from mine and moved onto my neck. I giggled slightly as he started to nibble and suck on my weak spot, causing my body to feel weak and moan loudly. He pressed his body closer to mine, as his hand started roaming my body. I stiffened slightly as his hand made its way under my top.

“Mm, Andy, stop.” I said.

He ignored me and continued. His hand had moved from under my top to my thighs and started rubbing them. I could feel his hand inching its way closer, causing me to remove my arms from around his neck and grab his hand and moving it away.

“Andy, stop.” I said again.

But once again, he ignored me.

As soon as I let go of his hand it went back to where it previously was. I could feel tears clouding my vision, slightly fearing that he was going to repeat what my dad did to me. I eventually found my strength to push him off me, causing him to groan and look at me confused.

Once he was that I was fighting back tears realisation took over his facial expression.

“Oh my god, Liz, I’m so sorry.” He said.

I just started crying and he pulled me into a hug.

“Shh. I’m sorry.” He said quietly, swaying us side to side.

“It’s okay.” I cried.

“No it’s not, I scared you Liz.” He said. “You clearly thought I was going to do what your dad did.” He said.

I stayed quiet.

“I wouldn’t do that, you know that right?” He asked.

I nodded against his chest as I heard him sigh with relief.

“I love you so, so much Liz.” He said kissing the top of my head.

“I love you too, Andy.”

I looked up at him and smiled slightly, pecking him on the lips then went back to resting my head on his chest. He kept his arms wrapped around me, his hand gently rubbing the top of my arm.

I heard him sigh before unwrapping his arms from me. I moved away and looked at him.

“Liz, will you move in with me?” He asked. “Permanently.”