Saviour

Permanently? He wants me to move in with him permanently. I sighed and looked down at my hands.

“I don’t know, Andy.” I said.

“Why?” He asked.

I looked up at him and frowned.

“I just – don’t you think if I moved in we’d be rushing things a bit?” I asked.

“It’s not like I’m asking you to fucking marry, Liz.” He said.

“I know, but it’s still a big deal, you’re basically telling me you want me around twenty four, seven.” I said.

“I know. I genuinely want you to move in with me, Liz.” Andy said, grabbing my hand.

“I just think it’s being rushed slightly.” I said.

“For god sake Liz, it’s not like we’ve only been together a week and I’m asking you.” He groaned.

“I know, but two months is still a short time, Andy.” I said,

“It’s enough time to tell if we truly like each other.” Andy said.

I groaned and stood up.

“Let me think about it.” I said.

“Please Liz.”

I gave him a look, telling him to shut up. He scoffed and shook his head, anger evident in his eyes.

“Andy, your moods are all over the place at the moment and I don’t know if I can cope being around you don’t knowing how you’ll react to everything I say.” I said.

He looked up at me, clearly hurt.

“You think I’m going to turn out like him.” He said, standing up.

I flinched at the volume of his voice and the way he spat ‘him’.

“I didn’t say that.” I muttered.

“No, but you were implying it.” He said getting closer.

I backed away, the anger in his eyes slightly scaring me. I may not have been thinking of it before, but now I had the slight fear that he would turn out like my dad.

“Andy, stop please.” I said.

He growled and stopped once my back was against the wall. He left space between us, so that he wasn’t pinning me, but his anger had scared me so much that I was truly afraid to move.

“Why do you keep comparing me to him, Liz?” He asked, suddenly calming down.

“It’s your temper. It’s so much like his, Andy. It’s scary.” I cried.

He sighed and went to hug me causing me to flinch away. He frowned and tears started making their way down his cheeks. I just wanted to easily forgive him and tell him yes, I’ll move in but, I can’t let him get away with treating me the way he is at the moment.

“Please just think about moving in though, Liz.” He begged.

“All the while you’re like this Andy, you can forget it. You don’t realise just how easily your mood changes, like it did just now. I don’t want to feel scared of you because I love you. But you being like this is scaring me. I can’t deal with it right now.” I said.

“You’re leaving me?” He asked, panic slightly evident in his voice.

“As your girlfriend? No. But I am going to move back in with Hayley.” I said.

He frowned and nodded.

“I understand. If I was you I wouldn’t want to be near me either.” He sighed and sat back down.

“I’m going to pack.” I said.

I left the lounge before he could say anything. I felt bad, really bad. I wanted to just run back down the stairs and say yes to moving in. But did I want to live in fear that one day he might turn for the worst and actually attack me? Right now he isn’t the Andy I had grown to love. It was like someone or something had taken over his body.

I sighed and moved around his room, gathering my things and shoving them in my bag, as the tears started again. It almost felt like I had just broken up with him, but all I was doing was leaving his place, I couldn’t deal living with him while he was like this. I still loved him and I always will, how could I not? After everything he’s done for me, he’s my life saver. I shook my head and walked into his bathroom, grabbing my shampoo and conditioner and went back into his room and placed them in my bag before zipping it up and placing the strap over my shoulder. I double checked his room before leaving and making my way back down the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, I went back into the lounge, to see Andy sat the, head in his hands.

“I’m going now.” I said, causing him to jump and turn to me.

“Call me when you’re back to the Andy I know and love.” I said. “Then maybe I’ll consider moving in.”

I looked at him one last time before making my way to the front door, I took a shaky breath before pulling it open and letting it shut behind me as I started the long walk back to Hayley’s.

**

As I approached Hayley’s house, I wiped under my eyes, getting rid of the tears. I walked up to the front door and knocked, standing there patiently waiting for someone to answer.

When they did, I looked up to see Jen stood there. Once she saw me, her eyes widened and she pulled me into a hug, asking me what’s wrong. I just cried into her shoulder, not even bothering trying to explain.

She calmed me down and led me inside and to the lounge, where Hayley was sitting. Once she saw me and jumped up and walked to the couch I had sat down on. She asked me what was wrong and I told her Andy and I got into a huge argument. Before I could finish she was threatening to go round there and ‘knock some sense’ into him. I laughed quietly and told her to leave it.

“He just needs time. I think everything has just gotten to him and I’ve just been unfortunate to be around him when he takes his anger towards other people out on things around me.” I said.

“He hasn’t hit you has he?” Jen asked.

“Of course not. It’s just the way pretty much anything can set him off at the moment.” I said. “Earlier he asked me to move in with him and I said I don’t know, because the constant change in his mood was bothering me and he got angry, started saying how I was comparing him to my dad.” I sighed.

Hayley started rubbing my back.

“He’ll calm down soon.” She said.

“I know. That’s why I’ve come back here, if that’s okay.” I said.

“Of course it is. You’re always welcome here.”

I smiled my thank you to her, before sighing. I stood up and slowly made my way to the stairs with my bag on my shoulder. Hayley stood up and followed me, coming to stop as I froze in front of the room I was last in. I reached forward, with a shaky hand and placed it on the handle before pushing it down and pushing the door open. I let go of the door and stood in the doorway staring in before Hayley gave me a slight nudge. I turned to look at her as she gave me a nod.

I stepped forward and looked around the room. Everything had been tidied up. The carpet was free of the blood stain I had left in my stupid attempt, the bottle of pills and Vodka out of the room, the bed had been changed so blood was no longer on those as well and the note had gone to. I sighed and sigh of relief and walked deeper into the room. I placed my bag on the bed and looked around. I made my way towards the closet and noticed my clothes were still in there. I turned around and saw Hayley stood there still. She smiled and sat down on my bed.

“Want to order pizza and have a movie night?” She asked.

I grinned and nodded at her.

She all but squealed and jumped up hugging me, before she suddenly pulled back.

“You let me hug you without flinching.” She beamed.

I looked at her shocked. Even when Andy was calm I still flinched slightly when he hugged me, yet Hayley just hugged me and I wrapped my arms around her instantly. Was that maybe a sign that I didn’t really trust Andy? Come to think of it, now when CC hugs me I don’t flinch. I frowned and sat down on my bed.

“What’s wrong?” Hayley asked.

I shook my head, no, telling her it was nothing.

“Clearly something is wrong Lizzie.” She said.

I sighed, knowing I’d have to tell her, which I did. She simply told me to give it time and that I’ll trust Andy again and that it was just his anger that was making me act the way I am towards him. I simply nodded and we made our way downstairs. Hayley ran into the kitchen and grabbed the phone, telling Jen that we were ordering pizza, which Jen gladly agreed to. Hayley came back into the lounge with the phone and dialled the number for the Pizza place round the block.

Once she was off the phone, she took the phone back into the kitchen, where Jen was sat reading a magazine at the table. Hayley came back to the lounge once again, but this time holding two cans of Coke. She chucked one at me, which I grabbed before placing it on the table, not taking a chance at opening it just yet.

Hayley picked up the T.V. remote and switched the T.V. on before turning over to one of the music channels where Justin Bieber was playing; she kept it on and started singing along quietly, when I just looked at her.

“Please don’t tell me you actually like this crap.” I said.

“He’s good.” She whined.

“He spent three and a half minutes singing the word ‘baby’ over and over again. Explain to me what’s good about that.” I said.

“I just like his music.”

She pouted, suddenly causing me to laugh loudly. She started glaring at me playfully before she was laughing as well. When we both finally calmed down, I wiped under my eyes. Honestly, this has been the most fun I’ve had since I had been out of hospital. It was only until know that I realised I had pretty much shut myself off from the world while I was with Andy at his place. Every day consisted of just me him and the rest of his band. Neither of us ever really parting from each other, I don’t know if it was because I was scared to leave his side or if he was scared to leave my side, but I realised how that it was most likely the reason things were slowly falling apart between us.

The doorbell went, letting us know that the Pizza guy was here with our pizza. We ran to the door and opened the door to see a guy around the age of 17 staring at us. I grabbed the Pizza’s from him while Hayley paid him. We thanked him and said bye before going into the kitchen and grabbing some plates to put some slices of Pizza on.

“Come on, let’s go upstairs and watch the movies, let mom have some space.” Hayley said.

I nodded and we took our plates and cans of Coke upstairs and to Hayley’s room where we both collapsed on the bed. We sat silently, staring at the ceiling before Hayley stood up and made her way over to her DVD collection.

She was rummaging through them before she jumped up and ran to her television switching it on and changing the setting for her DVD player. She placed the disc in the holder, before closing it and flopping down on her bed, causing me to bounce slightly and grab the plates so the food didn’t go everywhere.

“What are we watching?” I asked before taking a bite of a slice of Pizza.

“Mean Girls.” She grinned.

I smiled back and watched her press play.

We sat back on her bed, our backs to the headboard as we ate the Pizza and watched the movie.