The One for Me

“I haven’t seen Kiesop lately,” my mother grinned. “Where is he?”

“It hasn’t even been a whole day yet,” I said as I rolled my eyes. I cute up the kimchee in to small pieces and added it to the rice waiting on the counter.

“But he’s usually over here in the morning for breakfast,” she prodded.

I let out a sigh of annoyance and glared at her. “Why does it matter if he’s here or not?”

“It doesn’t,” she shrugged as she mixed our breakfast.

“Okay then stop talking about him!”

She turned to me and stared. When I pretended to not acknowledge her she sighed. “I heard you crying in your room last night… did you and Kiesop have a fight?”

“What?” I shrieked. “Are you calling me a whore?!”

“No!” she shouted. “I thought he slept over.”

“Well he didn’t,” I snapped.

“So why were you crying?” she questioned. Her voice was full of concern and it made me that much more upset. I could see the words of the letter without even touching it.

I held in my tears and once I was sure I wouldn’t cry in front of her I turned to meet her heavy gaze. “How did dad die?”

“In a carriage accident,” she answered robotically. Whenever the word ‘dad’ came out of my mouth she would become a puppet.

“So why was he in the carriage with her?” I asked.

“T-the Queen?” she stuttered. “A meeting….”

“You’re lying,” I scoffed.

“Don’t talk to me like that!”

“I know! I know that he was cheating on you with the Queen!” I screamed. “So why didn’t you tell me huh?”

“H-how do you know that?” she asked tears forming in her eyes.

I let out a harsh chuckle. “Jonghyun’s mom wrote him a letter the night she died… she planned on running off with him.”

“B-but-“

“But you couldn’t do anything could you? So since me and Jong got together you decided to take your frustrations out on us!”

“He’s her son! You want to have a relationship with the son of the woman who killed your father?” she growled. She was all rage no more puppet.

“The accident killed him! Not her,” I retorted.

“He would still be alive if his mother wasn’t such a whore!” I stormed off to my room ignoring her shouts. She could call me all day but I wasn’t leaving my room. I locked the door and collapsed to the floor. Violent sobs racked up my body and I couldn’t stop myself from beating the floor with my fist.

There was this perfect image of my father engraved in my head. Tall strong, he had blonde hair and long slim fingers. He always talked calmly, even when my mother was yelling at him. He would play with me. Buy me gifts. I remembered him buying my mom flowers and sitting in my closet while they made love. I didn’t know then. I didn’t know that the arguing was because he was seeing someone else. I had thought she was the bad one, I always thought she was the one who never appreciated him.

I didn’t know that the flowers he gave her were an apology for his affair. I didn’t know that the kiss on my forehead and the long hug goodbye was goodbye forever. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that when the King and his son showed up at my father’s funeral, the saddened look on the king’s face wasn’t just from losing his wife. It was for her unfaithfulness as well. I didn’t know that my mother, who always steered away from the conversation about my father, was just protecting herself from reliving the harmful memories before he died. I didn’t know that my perfect image was, fake.

********

“Seriously?” Taemin asked solemnly. He never really cared for my mother either, one of the reason we became good friends, but I could see the guilty look on his slender face. I felt the same way. I had bitched at her and had been rude because I thought her not talking about my father was like a sin. He was such a good person to me but I never thought of how wrong he treated my mother. Not once.

“I couldn’t sit in there anymore… if I keep thinking about it I’ll…” I searched for the right word in my head but nothing came up.

“Explode,” he nodded finishing my sentence for me. “I get it.”

“Let’s talk about you, we never talk about you. How are you and Minho?” I was eager to change the subject and I could tell he was relieved I did. Taemin never really minded when I vented to him. He encouraged it so much that he usually dismissed discussing his life and focused more on mine.

He shrugged. I could see the blush creeping up his cheeks while he turned his face away from me as the wind tousled our hair gently. “Good… we have been hanging out a lot.”

“Did he touch you inappropriately?” I questioned. “If he did I’ll chop off his hand!”

“We touched each other…”

I covered my ears. “No you didn’t.”

He chuckled. “Let’s just say… he blew my mind.”

“Why are you teenagers so horny all the time?” I asked indifferently. Taemin shrugged but the smile plastered on his face was glued. “I like that you’re happy.”

His grin faltered and I raised an eyebrow. “His wedding is tomorrow.”

“I know,” I sighed.

“I like it when you’re happy to… so crash it,” he grinned.

“I can’t do that,” I said. He waited for to go continue. “I love him that much… and if he has to marry her then… who am I to stop it?”

“A very determined boyfriend,” Taemin stated.

I laid on my back and stared at the sky. For some reason it wasn’t very sunny lately. It was like nature knew that I was upset. That I wouldn’t enjoy the sun without Jonghyun by my side.