Darkness Within Light

I loved my new home. It felt cozy and safe. My room was big enough that it didn’t get cluttered quickly. I had already posted up on my walls the calendar and the things from home that I found when moving, like band posters and artwork.

There was already a bookshelf built into the bedroom, so I had it loaded with my books and used my bookshelf as a display for my nerdy side; a couple car models, a couple Star Wars figures and ship models… and… my Jurassic Park toys.

Of course.

It was nice that Holly and I have similar interior decorating styles; very artsy-fartsy without the priss. We didn’t argue once when picking out colors or fabrics or anything for any part of the loft that would be shared.

Her room was black and white with hints of red, most of the black was satiny or lacy. She had kind of a Paris theme going with the stuff on her walls.

The living room and dining room also had black iron and black lace accents, with pale blue and silver accents, and the kitchen was mostly bronze and grey with black, with dark marble counter tops.

With all this black, you’d think we would NOT have a mostly white dog… Oh well.

No one said we were smart.

Sadie was loving it too. We still ran every night when I got home from work. On Saturdays I’d take her to the dog park and we’d play in the pool they have there for the larger dogs.

On top of all of that, I loved my new job. I got along with most of the people I worked with, though I was in a bit of a culture shock for a day or so.

Things are different in Texas than they are here, apparently.

I had already met with two customers, been on the phone with five, and had already completed three materials jobs, two of which were a day ahead of schedule. Not bad for a first week.

But I was still depressed.

Other than being homesick, I didn’t really have a tangible reason. I just could feel weight on my chest almost all the time and I really couldn’t figure out why.

I had gotten very antisocial, and it was bugging the hell out of Holly. Whenever she would go out, I’d stay in. When she would get home from work, I’d go hide in my bedroom unless she managed to snag me to watch a movie or eat with her.

Well, one night I found out why.

Sadie and I went for our run, and when we got back, I shucked off my tennis shoes at the door and let us in. I un-clipped her leash and reached over to turn on the lights in the foyer.

Nothing.

I froze in the dark. Sadie wasn’t wiggling around either, which is even stranger. I felt goosebumps prickle all over my arms and legs, even on my face. I gasped, recognizing this familiar terror.

“H-Holly?” I finally found my voice.

Silence.

I felt my scars burning. Very Harry Potter, I know, but it’s just what happened. Then an extremely creepy voice approached me in the dark.

. . .You will not run from me. . .

I felt tears well up in my eyes. Oh no…

Suddenly I was pitched forward into the living room by the door swinging open behind me. Immediately the lights came on and the presence vanished.

Holly walked past me, oblivious, and dropped groceries on the dining room table.

I swallowed the tears and terror on my face before she turned around to greet me. “Hey girl!”

“Hey,” I replied weakly.

She gave me that look again. She knows when something is up, and she knows she’s capable of worming it out of me, but she’s wrestling with if she should or not. She shrugged.

“Wanna help me make dinner?”

* * * * * *

The next Friday night I was relaxing on the couch, reading out of my Kindle. Holly had gone out an hour or so ago, and wore me out trying to talk me into coming with.

Good grief, woman, let me be.

I was reading some nerdy awesome book about systematic theology. I've seriously considered going the seminary route if I decide to go back to real school (not online courses) for a degree. I love the gospel and I love how the deep things are so beautiful when they’re finally grasped.

So yeah. I’m a dork who can argue apologetics.

I’d make one hell of a preacher’s wife.

I heard the key jiggling in the lock. I tightened up. I hadn’t experienced the shadow in a couple days but it still worried me. The door flew open and Holly stumbled in. Obviously drunk. I looked at the time.

8PM? Really?

“You damn lush! What are you doing getting throwed before eleven?”

She giggled. “Throwed… like a nerf foot ball!” she slurred out the private joke from our hardcore partying days.

I turned off my Kindle and stood up. “Are you okay, bitch? Honestly.” I walked to the door she’d left open to close it… but a massive frame was in the way.

“Zak?”

He stood in all his handsome bulk, smiling that winning smile at me. He pulled from behind his back a red rose. I mentally did an eye-roll.

“Hello, Desiree.”

Aaron peeked around Zak. I heard Nick’s voice imitating a southern drawl in the hallway. “Don’t you loose that southern hospitality, now, ma’am!” I heard Veronique laugh.

I blushed. “Sorry. Come on in.” I pointed to the kitchen and said “There’s Shiner in there if you guys are interested.”

Oh yeah. Zak was still holding the red rose, an ackward look on his face.

I turned to face him and gave him a smile. “Thank you, Hulk.” I started to reach for the flower when I watched his eyes melt from nervous to sultry.

Shit. I looked down. I was wearing a very thin bright blue satin and lace tank top with satin leopard print pajama pants.

Not too naked, but my black lace and leopard print bra was more than a little visible underneath the cami.

“DAMNIT! Excuse me!”

I ran through my room and into my closet. I grabbed the first shirt in a bin I laid my hands on and yanked it on over the cami.

ADD forgot to close the bedroom door. Zak loomed in the doorway, his eyes dangerously playful. He cocked his head as he studied my shirt. It’s a worn out Bloom County comics baseball tee, one of my mom’s.

Once again, Zak presented me the flower, smirking as he walked slowly towards me. “This is a new game of playing hard to get, right?”

I blushed hard. “No, I’m sorry! I wasn’t expecting company.”

I reached out to take the rose again, but when I grasped the stem… he didn’t let go.

I felt another wave of “uh-oh.”

“So… what’s the name of this game, Mr. Bagans?” I stammered, not letting go of the stem. His eyes roamed over me, I felt myself break out in sweat.

He slowly lifted the rose, with my hand still attached, smiling wickedly. He then bent his head to the side and kissed the back of my hand sweetly and seductively.

Once.

Twice.

Then he let go of the flower and looked down at me.

Okay, I’ll give it to him, that was sexy.

I studied his eyes carefully, trying to read his mind.

Oh, maybe I should lower my hand from his face! Dumbass. I blushed again and he laughed softly.

“What brings you guys here?”

He took another step towards me. “Holly called us to deliver an intervention, so we are kidnapping you and taking you to a club. She says you’ve been extremely depressed since the move, and she can’t get you to leave the apartment.”

“Hey, that’s no fair, I go to work.”

He took another step towards me and gently ran his knuckles down my cheek. “Smartass.”

His hand then turned over and tucked a lock of my curls behind my ear. He let his palm cup my face and slide down my neck to rest on my shoulder. I was frozen, afraid of his touch, but pathetically, afraid of his touch stopping. His other hand grasped my hand by my side and his face started to lean in towards mine.

Holly poked her head in the door. “How’s the intervention going?”

Aaron called from the living room, “Dude, DON’T answer that!”

Zak laughed and looked at me, nervously paralyzed in front of him. He was fully aware of his control over me at this moment and he was obviously enjoying it.

“You dick!” I managed to hiss through gritted teeth. “You like terrifying me like this.”

At this his eyes darkened and he let go of my left hand and slid his right hand up to my shoulder, then applied gentle pressure, backing me up to my bed, then forcing me to sit down.

Before I could jump back up he put both hands on my shoulders and kneeled on the floor in front of me so that we were face to face. His eyes were searching me again. Not my body this time. My eyes.

Okay, maybe my beet-red face at this point, too. I was weak, and I was embarrassed that I was weak.

He took my face in both hands and gave me a reassuring look that evaporated some of my anxiety. He leaned in once again and he pressed his nose and forehead against mine.

I felt his breath on my face.

I felt his lips graze against mine.

Oh no…

“If you only knew what you do to me, Desiree, then you would call us even.,” he whispered.

With that he planted a quick, sweet, harmless peck on my lips and then withdrew.

UGH!

I let out an exasperated sigh and threw my hands up. What the hell.

“Fine, fine, let’s go.”

Holly and Veronique whooped from the other room.

* * * * * *

We walked into the nightclub around 11 and found a couple couches and a table to claim. We were stuffed with sushi and were loose from sake and Lychee martinis. The club was playing lounge house. Very chill. Unless you were so inclined to dance… or in my case, if you were drunk enough.

Holly was wearing a short, gold sequins dress showing off her massive boobs and matching gold 7-inch heels. He sandy hair was up in gold geisha pins and her eyes were brushed with bronze. She topped it all off with her slut-red lipstick.

Aaron had gotten over the fact that Holly was more than likely NOT girlfriend material, but he still seemed to really dig her, especially the way he let her lead him out onto the dance floor.

Veronique laughed as Holly started dancing all over him. “Wow. She’s… um… flexible.”

I giggled. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure she was a pole dancer in her past life.”

I let my mind get lost in the music for a while, every once in a while coming back to enjoy my surroundings. Nick and Veronique were sitting in the couch across from me and Zak. Nick was nuzzling her neck, whispering in her ear and nipping from her ear to her shoulder while doing so. She was talking back to him the whole time, and they both kept giggling.

So fucking cute.
Veronique was decked out in a short red dress with no sleeves and rouching down the front and the back, molding to her chest and her ass perfectly. She wore red strappy sandals and her long blonde hair poured past her shoulders.

I glanced over at Zak. He was wearing the same thing he wore at my house, but I was too nervous then to take notice. He was wearing a black button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and jeans that showed off that Greek-god-backside.

I was snockered enough to not let my anxieties and doubts about him bug me. "Tonight, he’s mine," the alcohol in my body was saying.

You know, the voice of reason.

He caught me looking him over and stood up, doing a slow mocking spin for me. “Do you approve?”

I snorted, and then tried to play nonchalant. I shrugged. “You’ll do.”

This earned a shriek of laughter from Veronique.

His eyes darkened again. Oops.

He smiled viciously and grabbed my hands, pulling me to my feet. “My turn.”

He twirled me slowly. I was wearing a black dress that was rouched down the sides, with diagonal strips of black lace across the stomach, showing skin underneath. My right shoulder and arm were covered in this same black lace, while my left side was bare. My dark brown curls were partially pulled up but still spilled over my face and neck, and the red highlights shined in the club lighting. I wore 6 inch black lace peep-toe pumps with gaudy black bows on the backs of the heels, and I had way too much black eye shadow and eyeliner on, wish sheer lip gloss.

I could feel his eyes drink me in hungrily, and then the sake in me came up with a plan. As I finished the twirl, I flourished a curtsey and then lunged forward and grabbed at his collar.

“Dance with me” I purred, beginning to sway and bounce my hips to the music.

He laughed. “I dunno, I don’t want you to break an ankle.” He wrapped both arms around my waist, backed us out from the couches, then turned and, keeping a hand at the small of my back, steered us towards the bar.

We got up to the bar and I leaned heavily on it, letting the cleavage from my 32D chest show just a tiny bit. I heard Zak inhale sharply as he noticed, and I snickered.

I felt his right hand leave my back and saw it take a heavy contact with the bar to my right, and his left hand did the same to my left. He then took a small step forward and I felt his chest come into contact with my shoulders. I breathed in deeply his cologne and sighed,

“Yeah, I guess these shoes aren’t exactly for drinking and dancing.”

I felt his face press into my curls, inhaling the scent of my shampoo. “Mm-hmm. …Whatcha drinkin, hot stuff?”

“Surprise me.”

At that he took another step forward, gently letting his entire body slowly come into contact with mine.

“That is a dangerous request, Desiree,” he growled in my ear.

“Well hell if you can’t handle it, I don’t want to put you in danger.” I baited him.

He took the bait. His hands left the counter and he spun my shoulders so that I was facing them, then let them trace down my back, resting on my hips with a firm grip, holding me against him. His mouth looked like he was holding back fire.

“I meant dangerous for you, doll.”

He leaned in and our noses touched, his eyes revealing his intentions in no uncertain terms. As he kept pressing closer I quickly turned my head, spun, and flagged down the bartender.

Not like this, buddy.

I felt him laugh behind me. “Rum and coke,” he said to the bartender.

“Vodka martini. Very very dry, with two olives, please.”

The bartender handed us our drinks and Zak paid him. We wandered about the club for a bit, checking out the different rooms and music.

He was very sweetly holding my hand and amazingly avoiding fans looking for flirtatious opportunities with the great Zachary Bagans.

I wandered between the main bar and main dance floor area, where a hallway led to a backup bar and a patio. There was a bar-like ledge along one side of the wall for… drug counting, maybe?

I was mentally debating exploring the patio, and had just taken another sip of my martini when, before I could pull the glass from my lips, Zak had grasped it and relieved me of it. He turned and set the drink on the ledge.

He downed his own in two gulps and slammed his glass down, then turned a smoldering look on me.

I felt my cheeks grow red. Fuck. I felt like a fawn in a wolf's lair.

“Why are you looking at me like I’m lunch?”

He grinned. “You really want me to answer that?”

“I mean, there are plenty of better candidates here that have been undressing you with their eyes all night.”

Queen Insecurity for the win.

He blinked at me. “Seriously?”

I sighed. “I’m no supermodel.”

At that he backed me up against the smooth side of the wall and whispered huskily, “Stop. You’re smoking hot. Your heart is exquisitely beautiful. And your brain is way sexier than this outfit you’re wearing.”

I gave up, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Okay…”

I was cut off by a sigh from my own lips as his hands began to ravage me. They coursed like molten lead over my shoulders, down my spine, over my hips. I watched the fire in his eyes as his hands drew back up the backs of my thighs to pause a firm grip on my ass.

A pathetic moan escaped me.

He purred a response and continued to explore, leaning his forehead against the wall over his right shoulder, eyes closed and taking baited, ragged breaths. His hands went back to my hips, then slowly up my stomach. They traveled around my chest and caressed my neck.

His left hand pushed the curls off my neck and he brought his mouth close, giving me goosebumps as I felt his breath on my skin.

Suddenly I felt him freeze. Two fingers pulled aside the fabric on my right shoulder.

Shit.

He pulled back and looked at me. “You weren’t joking about being attacked.”

Bam. Romantic feelings gone.

But in my current state I wasn’t ready to share the backstory. I turned my head and leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his chest and letting myself get lost in his scent. He wrapped his arms around me, one hand holding my head to his chest.

“I’m so sorry, Desiree, I didn't know,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. We can talk about it later.” It wasn’t okay, but it was not exactly club conversation. I picked up my glass and turned to head back to the others.

He came up behind me and stopped me by wrapping an arm around me protectively. He tugged at the same spot on my dress, inspecting the three lines.

He places small, slow kisses along the scars as far as he could, then moved the kisses to the back of my neck. He started to slow them down and began to engage his tongue.

I sighed. “We should get back to the others.”

He let a groan escape into my hair and smoothed my dress. “You’re right.”

When we got back to our couches, a very drunk Nick giggled at us. “And where did you kids run off to?”

Zak shot daggers at him, but Nick was oblivious. Fortunately, Veronique caught on and distracted Nick with a long, sultry kiss.

I mouthed to her a grateful “thank you," and she winked in response. I sat back on the couch and breathed out slowly.

Zak sat down next to me and put an arm around the back of the couch behind my shoulders.

“So when were you scratched?”

I cut my eyes over at him. “Which time?”

His eyes grew wide as I stood up to demonstrate – probably more of an answer than he bargained for. I traced the lines of all the different 3-lined scars for him.

I watched his facial expressions carefully. “And you wonder why I don’t play with that stuff anymore?” I tossed back the rest of my drink in one gulp.

Zak blinked, looking conflicted.

I sat back down and drew into myself, feeling the inevitable isolation setting in. I watched Holly and Aaron on the dance floor for a while, losing myself in my thoughts.

I felt Zak’s mouth on my ear. “Wanna get outta here?”

“Sounds good.”

We said goodbye to our friends and found our way out. As we walked in the cool night air to his car, he held my hand the whole way. He opened the passenger side door for me and helped me in.

When he got in on the drivers’ side he leaned over, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

“Sorry to break the mood in there, doll.”

I smiled back, I was conflicted myself.

“Where to?”

“My place.” I would have no shot at keeping my hands to myself at his place, or keeping my clothes on. Plus I love my bed.

Also I had the car ride home to talk myself out of inviting him in.

He smiled at me and put the car in gear. We drove home making small talk and joking about our drunk friends that night.