Darkness Within Light

Zak offered me his arm as we exited his car and approached my front door. I unlocked the door and then turned to face him.

He grinned devilishly.

“Stop that! I will not fuck you.”

He barked out a laugh. “Wow! That’s not exactly what I was expecting!”

Damn.

“Just drawing the line in the sand,” I mumbled, then looked up at him, “I could use the company though. As long as you keep your hands in check.”

He gave me a wink. “Pretty sure I can manage that.”

As soon as we were in the door, I ran for my bedroom where Sadie’s cage was. I let her out and loved on her while changed back into my pj’s I was wearing earlier that evening, trading the ridiculous leopard print bra for a sports bra.

Anything but this ridiculous dress!

I rummaged through my drawers and found one of my dad’s old T-shirts from his job that I sleep in, and a pair of basketball shorts. Hopefully they'll fit. I came back out into the living room, and handed them to Zak, who was lounging on the couch. He held up the shirt.

“Heavy Metal?” He looked it over. “Very 90’s”

“So? It’s black.”

He laughed at me and got up. “Thanks, doll.”

“Bathroom’s that-a-way” I pointed, and clipped Sadie’s leash on her.

When we got back, I went to the kitchen and poured her half a bowl of dog food. I was hungry, but I wasn’t sure what to eat. I glanced at the wall clock. 1:30 am.

Really?

I opened the refrigerator door and stared blankly at its contents. I finally settled on a cheese stick. It wasn’t Taco Bell, but it’d do.

Before I could pull back, a pair of hands were placed gently on my hips. Zak.

He slid his right hand up my back and I felt him trace his fingers slowly from my neck, down across my shoulderblades, following the scar he discovered earlier. I sighed, grabbed a second cheese stick, and straightened up. Avoiding his stare, I held out a cheese stick for him.

He blinked, like he was changing mental gears, and took the stick from my hand. I herded us to the couch.

“So have you tried to get rid of it?” Zak asked me, still staring from my eyes to my scar and back.

“Yes. My old church was involved.”

“And?”

“It gave me the scars you’re seeing. I’d never been scarred from scratches before.” I pulled down my pajama pants to show the prominent scratches on my leg.

Thank God for boyshort undies.

“It also gave me this one, which bled the worst. All in all, we weren’t able to detach it from me. I just had to came to grips that this thing fits into my plan somehow.”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Paul had a demon.” I quoted from II Corinthians, as well as I could, anyway. “Three times I pleaded with the Lord that this should leave me. But he said to me ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christs power may rest upon me. Thus I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

"You've got a thing for this Paul guy, don't you?"

"He's brilliant. Regardless, I believe it's something I'm just going to have to deal with, and I'm okay with that."

He cocked his head.

“Why?”

I smiled gently. “Because Christ is better.”

“But… See, I know this exorcist…”

“I’m not really convinced of the authoritative power of exorcists. Playing with holy water and reciting ancient incantations, though in the name of the Church, is no better than witchcraft. Demons laugh at those things, if they withdraw it’s because of God’s mercy and not because of whatever ritual was performed, Zak. The only way that Demons ever run screaming is when Christ is vibrantly involved."

He narrowed his eyebrows.

"In the Bible whenever Jesus addresses a Demon to leave, there isn’t an argument? Christ never says ‘Get out of them!’ where the demon argues, ‘nah, I’m in here like a tick, bro.’"

“Hmm.”

We began to flip through channels on the television. Not really watching anything, and continued to talk about the attacks and their implications. I told him my favorite story, in Acts, when some guys try to copy Paul and exorcise a demon, but it basically says “give me a break! You?” and proceeds to beat the men until they gave up – at that point naked and bloody.

He laughed uneasily.

“Obviously telling something to leave just because you say it “in the name of Christ” isn’t what works. It doesn’t protect you… especially if you get schooled so bad that had your pants beat off of you."

"We've had a couple lockdowns where we had to use blessed oil and exorcists."

I raised an eye brow. "And how is that working out for you?"

He smirked and played with my hair. "Well I haven't killed anyone yet. But some things still follow us home, I've had my home blessed a couple times already."

I shrugged. Doesn't sound like a good move, but whatever works.

He navigated to NetFlix and started Goodfellas.

“Good choice…” I yawned.

He gave me a gentle squeeze and we settled into a half-cuddle position on the couch.

* * * * * *

I awoke to Zak’s voice whispering in my ear. “Desiree, you need to go to bed.”

I looked around. I had fallen asleep against his chest, his arm draped over my shoulders.

“Mmm… Sorry,” I purred and snuggled closer.

He chuckled. Scooping me into his lap, he stood up and carried me to my room. He laid me gently on the bed and brushed my hair from my face, pressing a soft kiss on my forehead.

“You don’t need me to walk you out?” Hostess with the mostess.

Good grief.

He just smiled gently. “Believe it or not, I think I can manage.”

He straightened up and froze. I watched, trying to read the expression on his face, but then whatever hit him hit me, too.

I felt a shiver.

His eyes widened and he spun towards the doorway, but there was nothing there. “What the hell?’

“Welcome to my world, Mr. Bagans.” I glanced at the alarm clock by my bed.

Yep.

Three AM.

“I’m usually asleep by now so even if it does visit, the worst thing that happens is I have nightmares.”

I could see him tensing up, like he was mentally preparing for a battle.

“Zak.”

“Hmm?” he didn’t turn toward me, those eyes focused on the doorway. There was something ferocious in his voice, almost dangerous.

“Don’t fuck with it right now, dude.” I didn’t want to play Ghost Hunter, I wanted to go to sleep. I pulled my blankets around me tighter against the cold.

He finally turned to me. “Do you need me to stay here with you tonight?”

No, I can handle it… what am I thinking?!

“Please?”

“Want me to sleep on the floor?”

Hell yes... I scooted across the bed, towards the wall. “I’ll share.”

He climbed under the covers and turned to face me, his eyes looking very concerned… and confused. “You seem so damn calm about that thing just showing up like that.”

I reached over him to my nightstand and pulled out my little thinline ESV Bible. I turned to a page I am on often and sat back on the bed, not really caring that Zak was here or if he heard it or not. It was time for me to diffuse the tension from this presence.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus... Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

“...For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."

I felt the heavy air lift.

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.

"And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words... And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”

Zak interrupted me to come closer, putting an arm around me and leaning in so he could read over my shoulder.

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? - He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"

I sighed a small laugh at this verse; it's probably one the most abused verses in the Bible that gets ripped out of context to mean what it was never designed to mean.

"Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?"

I felt my goosebumps finally relent. and raised my voice from a whisper. "…No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor [demons], nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Closing the book I took a deep breath. I looked over at Zak. “That passage helps remind me why I get up every morning.”

I looked around my room, “Once again, you’ve found yourself lacking. I’ve been bought and paid for.” I closed my eyes and let out a pleading, “Go away.”

He stared at me, mulling over all he’d just heard. I decided to avoid a lengthy discussion for the time being and snuggled into him.

Bingo, he responded with wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me close. He planted soft kisses on my ear and neck.

As I drifted off to sleep, I heard him whisper, “I liked that.”

* * * * * *

I awoke to feeling a hand run down the length of my body. I froze. It was still dark outside.

Who’s here? …Oh. Yeah.

It was Zak’s hand.

“Mmmm,” I let out as his hand came back up my side from my thigh, giving me goosebumps.

“Mm-hmm,” he hummed in my ear, breathing a kiss behind it. His hand caressed my neck, then slid down my shoulder. He slowly continued the caress, and "accidentally" grazed my right breast. He froze when I tensed up.

I took his hand and moved it to my stomach.

“No.”

I felt him laugh, “Sorry.”

I rolled over to face him. This man was in bed with me. This man. We hadn’t even kissed yet. What on earth?

“Am I dreaming?”

He held my face in one hand and pressed his forehead to mine. “No, sweetie, you aren’t.”

He then paused, as if he were holding himself back, but then leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. I felt dizzy from the contact.

He slowly pulled back and studied me. “You still don’t trust me, do you?”

I really didn’t want to answer that. I put a hand on his cheek and met his lips with mine, coaxing for a response.

Boy, did I get one. He sucked in deeply and pulled me closer, one hand on the back of my neck and the other at the small of my back.

I teased my tongue against his lower lip, to which he deepened the kiss. I grasped at his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair.

He groaned and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. I cradled his head in both hands and opened my mouth a little more, letting our tongues explore. I gently bit at his lower lip and pulled my mouth away from his.

I traced his chin and jaw line with tiny kisses, each one more passionate than before. I breathed into his ear and grazed it with my teeth and my tongue, smiling at his moaning response.

His grip on me tightened as he moved both hands to my ass and pulled me against him.

Oh, man... My mouth began to travel down his neck.

I was about ten seconds from ripping his clothes off when he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back from him. We both stared at each other, breathless.

“We aren’t ready for this, Desiree,” he breathed out slowly and then wrapped his massive arms around my waist and shoulders, holding my head in the crook of his neck.

It was so sweet and caught me completely off-guard. “You’re right.”

He stroked my hair. “So let’s not flirt with reaching the point of no return,” he said, fire in his eyes as though he was tempting me to defy him.

Sure, I’ll bite. Let’s see how honest you are. “Are you sure?” I licked my lips.

He smirked at me and gave me a look that sent shivers down my spine. He used his steady hands and strong arms to turn me over and gently spooned me, pulling me close.

“Good night, doll.”

Damn.

“Okay, fine, Hulk. Sweet dreams.”