Troubled Youth

He told himself he was crazy. He knew he was. Other people had even told him this wasn’t one of his most brilliant decisions. His own mother said he should go into this with more of a plan than showing up on the doorstep unannounced... well unannounced to half the people who lived behind the door he’d be showing up at.
Still he couldn’t fight the smile that spread over his lips while he was sitting there on the five hour plane ride. His headphones were on and he was nodding his head to a new band his older brother had turned him on to but he was thinking about her, about seeing her after over a year.
The fact that they hadn’t spoken since she left California except for the accidental hello when answering a phone or the purposeful grabbing of someone else’s phone when her name popped up on caller ID didn’t really count. From what he was told she had changed, she had become a little softer, a little more rounded from that jagged rock of secrets she hid away inside herself.
Jared couldn’t take the last hour of the plane ride. He could see they were starting to fly lower after another thirty minutes. He’d be on the ground soon. He’d be that much closer to seeing her face, to touching her. All that time spent away from her put things into perspective. He knew their relationship hadn’t been balanced or healthy. He knew it was wrong of her to treat him that way but he also saw he hadn’t been the best person towards her either.
Now with his head clear he was going to find her and if she would be his friend again. Just his friend. He didn’t want to sleep with her, kiss her, or hold her hand. He just wanted her in his life again. He wanted to have the friendship they’d never been able to have before. It had been six years since they’d slept together, going on seven. He was sure he could handle being just her friend.
Laguardia Airport was just as busy as it always was. Jared shouldered the duffel bag he had packed for himself and headed out to look for a cab. Terry hadn’t been able to pick him up because he was in the middle of a shoot but he promised to have found a reason for Ella to be at the apartment when Jared showed up. Neither of them wanted her to have a chance of escape.
Jared sat in the back of the cab running his fingertips over the two day stubble on his chin. In the rearview mirror of the cabbie who kept looking back at Jared like he knew him from somewhere Jared could see his hair was getting long. The blond tips were far past his shoulders and probably ready to be cut off while he would still have long enough hair for his next movie roll.
When he thought about it, this trip was kind of about business. He needed her with him as his personal assistant again. While he had an agent and they’d found a tour manager for the band, movies were still a bit awkward without her. His agent couldn’t always be there for him and he didn’t know anyone else who would willingly travel with him and take care of pretty much his life while he played pretend for a few months.
He exhaled a slightly shaky breath when he stood in front of the apartment door. She was right on the other side painting or reading or whatever else she could be doing. He raised his hand making a fist and rapped on the door twice before his breath caught. He could hear movement inside.
“I swear if you left your keys again Te-” Ella stopped mid sentence when Jared smiled at her. “Your hair is longer.”
“Hi to you too.”
“What do you want?”
“To come in.”
“Yeah, well that ship has sailed.”
“So I heard. Terry said you’d become a nun or something close to it.” Jared pushed past Ella into the apartment. “Didn’t he tell you I was coming?”
“No.”
“Hmm, well that’s awkward.”
“Why is your hair so long?”
“Movie part.”
“At least it’s not cornrows.”
“That was one of the last times you actually saw me...”
“Yep.”
“Strange.” Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Never doing that again.”
“I remember when you took ‘em out. Well when me and Cameron did. Your hair was so wavy.”
“Yeah, Cameron.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Jared waved his hand. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Sore subject?”
“No.”
Ella could see in his eyes he was a little bothered by the mention of Cameron. She wondered why but didn’t press it. Instead they ended up staring at one another. Jared tugged on the hem of his shirt and Ella twisted a foot in towards the other.
“Uh, well I was working on a painting. I guess you can figure out where to g-”
“Yeah.” Jared cut her off accidentally.
“Right.”
They stood in the same room awkwardly again for a few moments before Jared leaned over to pick up his bag and Ella left the room. She sat down to paint and instead ended up covering her face with her hands. She was embarrassed and didn’t understand why. Jared had started pacing the spare room mumbling things he could say to her. He was honestly feeling as awkward and embarrassed as she was. This wasn’t how he had planned or played it out in his head but it wasn’t bad either.
A few times Jared poked his head out of the spare bedroom and looked to see what Ella was doing. She’d finally started painting again and tried to ignore the fact that Jared was there. She knew he was looking out at her but she refused to acknowledge it.
Terry sent her a one word text, Sorry. Ella rolled her eyes and put her phone back down knowing Terry wasn’t sorry for having neglected to tell her Jared was on his way across the country to visit. By the time Terry had come home Jared was sitting watching TV and Ella was still painting. The tension between them was tangible.
“Well, anyone hungry?” Terry asked, his voice sounding very loud from the lack of speaking between Jared and Ella.
“Kind of.” Ella sighed. “I want to work more than anything though.”
“You two.” Terry shook his head. “You’re both the same when you get started on something.”
“What have you got?” Jared asked.
“Oh nothing. We’d have to go out.” Terry shrugged.
“We have tons of stuff, you just suck at cooking.” Ella responded.
“And I want to go out.”
“Why didn’t you say so?”
“More fun to fight with you.” Terry grinned kissing the top of Ella’s head. “Imma go shower Babe.”
Terry left the room and Ella continued to paint.
“Babe?” Jared asked breaking into the tension between them.
“He calls me that. It’s his thing.”
“Oh.”
“Were you afraid we were together or something.”
“No.” Jared thought for a moment. “Why would I be scared?”
“I don’t know. You’re the one who just flew five hours to see me.”
“Who said I came here to see you?” Jared smiled looking at her over the back of the couch.
She looked up from her painting to stare at him.
“Fine.” Jared caved.
“Might as well tell me what you want.” Ella said looking away. “That way you can get home faster.”
“Who said I would go home after this visit?”
“Me.”
“Not without you.”
“Why, the house getting too messy? Wouldn’t want me around Shannon. I might pass out naked in his bed again. Oh wait, I wasn’t naked. Just topless.” Ella’s tone was a little more harsh than it should have been.
“I guess you’re still kind of bitter about that.”
“Gee, you asked me to move out.”
“You agreed to.”
“You didn’t trust me. I wasn’t going to live with someone who didn’t trust me.”
“Ella, I have thousands of reasons not to trust you and you’ve given me each and every one yourself. Despite all that next to Shannon you are the person I trust most. I was in a bad place then. You have no idea what my emotions were like.”
“You’re making yourself sound like a woman on her period.”
Jared laughed.
“It’s true.”
“I suppose I am. But I was stressed. I was upset. There were a lot of things going on in my head.”
“Do you ever wonder what was going on in mine?”
“I try not to. I’ll go nuts if I do.”
Ella smirked. “Terry stop eavesdropping and come out here.”
“I wasn’t!” He protested coming from around the corner. “Honest. How did you feel then Ella?”
“Fuck off.”
“Hey hey now.”
“Let’s just go get something to eat. I’m not changing.” She said getting up to grab shoes. “You’re going out with a make up less, hair pulled messily back, paint smeared woman.”
“Fine with me.” Terry smiled at her.
Dinner started to give Ella the idea of why Jared was there. He talked a little about his next project. The band was doing well and he was thinking he could afford to do a movie or two with the down time they had. In fact he wasn’t thinking it, he’d already committed to it. He was going to Africa where two movies he had promised to do were filming.
He didn’t let much more than that out. Terry directed the conversation for a while and the Jared and Ella were content to sit back. There were glances flying between Ella and Jared that Terry didn’t miss. They almost looked like they were flirting because on multiple quick breaks of eye contact Terry swore the both of them blushed. He was starting to think perhaps he should leave the apartment for the night.
After dinner they walked for a while taking in the streets. It had been a long time for Jared since he had been able to enjoy the city. They made for home when midnight started approaching and Terry ducked gracefully out of the conversation to head for bed. Jared and Ella were left sitting in the living room together. Ella said she was tired and gave Jared a pointed look. It was then that he noticed a bean bag in the corner and realized this was her bedroom.
Jared said goodnight and got up to head for the spare room. Ella leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes wondering what Jared wanted. It wasn’t long before she felt the couch slant with the weight of someone sitting down.
“What?” She asked not opening her eyes.
“There was something I wanted to ask.” Jared said quietly reaching for her hand but then withdrawing.
“What?” Ella repeated slitting her eyes to peek at his nervous face.
“I never fired you and you never quit.” He started. “Technically you’re still my personal assistant though you’ve been absent a year.”
“Your fault.” She interjected.
“Again, you’re bitter about that. I’ll have to make up for it.” He rubbed his nose a moment. “Maybe a trip to Africa might make up for that.”
“ Africa?”
“Yeah, you know.” He shrugged. “Doing two movies there.”
“Yeah.”
“I’ve done some work here and it wasn’t easy on my own, I’ll admit, but going to another country? I’m going to need someone and the only someone who could do it is you.” He smiled. “I need my personal assistant.”
“I don’t know.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know if we’re even friends anymore.”
“What do you mean? Of course we are.”
“The last time we had a conversation I ended up moving to New York and cutting off all lifelines to California.”
“But that was over a year ago.”
“My point exactly. We haven’t spoke in over a year. We haven’t seen each other in over a year. Now you think that you can just come to New York, pick me up, and fly off to Africa for however long it is that we’ll be there for?”
“Well I was hoping we could rebuild while we were there. Even if it doesn’t work out and we can’t be friends again you’ll still get to go to Africa. Haven’t been there yet, have you?”
“Well no I haven’t yet.” Ella shrugged. “Are you paying me to be there? To be your assistant.”
“Of course. We’re not friends right now, though I hope we will be again soon, and if I’ve hired you then I better pay.”
“I’ll consider it.”
“You didn’t even ask how much.”
“I’ll tell you how much.” She responded. “I have to decide if I want to go.”
“Alright.”
“Go to bed.”
“Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Jared got up from the couch and walked down to the spare bedroom. He curled up under the sheets after kicking his pants off and closed his eyes. He needed something warm next to him. Judas was on the other side of the country and Ella might as well have been. He sighed and tried not to think too much on their last conversation, tried not to get his hopes up.
Ella tugged her pants off and changed into a tank top before plopping down into her bean bag. She mumbled a few words to herself while rubbing her temples. Africa. Jared. She wanted to go, she just wasn’t sure it was a good idea. They could get into trouble.

The next morning Jared woke up to the sun on his face. He smiled before opening his eyes and stretched. He’d slept surprisingly well for being the only one in the bed. Jared rolled up onto his side and opened his eyes to find the rest of the bed empty. This saddened him a little because he had been hoping Ella would have climbed into it with him but he knew that wouldn’t happen.
He sat up and ruffled his hair before pulling a pair of sweatpants on and taking off the shirt he’d slept in. Ella was still curled up sleeping in her bead bag when he walked out into the living room of the apartment. Quietly as he could move, Jared looked at her paintings and most recent work happy to see she wasn’t in any of them.
“She hasn’t modeled for that in a long time.” Terry said from behind Jared. “Now she does for me occasionally but never with another person.”
Jared nodded.
“If she agrees to it, you can see some of the pictures I took of her.”
“It’s fine.” Jared shook his head. “I’ve seen her in real life.”
“Not in almost seven years.” Ella mumbled from the bean bag in the corner. “Terry stop telling people about the naked pictures.”
“I have naked pictures of Jared too.”
“I know you do.”
“You do?” Jared asked Ella surprised.
“I’ve seen all of Terry’s work.”
“Oh.”
“Gotta be careful what you put in front of my lens now. She’s my quality control.”
“Not for much longer.” Ella said sitting up.
“Why, where are you going Lover?”
Ella rolled her eyes. “Africa.”
Jared’s face lit up.
“Oh, really?”
“He’d die on his own out there.” She shrugged. “Another stamp in my passport as well.”
“I’m sure Jared could stamp your passport.” Terry grinned heading for the kitchen. “Coffee anyone?”
“Yeah.” Ella responded.
“Sure.” Jared sat down on the couch. “So you’re coming then?”
“Why not.” She shrugged. “It’ll be fun.”
“You’ve said that before.”
“And I was right.” She smirked. “That time it just got complicated.”
“Are you talking about college or Ireland?”
“Both.”
“What happened in Ireland?” Terry asked peeking out from the kitchen. “I haven’t heard that one.”
“My first real personal assistant job.” Ella smiled. “Jared took me to Ireland. I said it would be fun. He told everyone I was his girlfriend after the first two weeks. They caught us making out a few times and there wasn’t really any way to say I was his fuck buddy and personal assistant. It was fun.”
“Yeah?” Terry grinned. “And you let him?”
“Oh, I punished him for it. Don’t worry.”
“I don’t think punishment is giving him an orgasm.”
“Kinda. He found out a little more on the subject of pain before he got that though.”
“Ooo so you helped him become the little freak that he is now?”
“I don’t know what he’s like now.” Ella shrugged. “It’s been years.”
“It’s quite a bit more than you remember.” Jared smiled taking the coffee Terry handed him. “Thanks.”
“Yeah? We’ll have to see.”
“Is that a promise?” Jared asked straight faced.
“Might be a challenge. I’ve picked up a few things since you and I had a thing going as well.”
“Dirty Birdie.” He smiled.
“Africa is going to be really nice for you two. I can tell.” Terry said sitting down after handing Ella her coffee.
“Maybe, maybe not.” Ella sighed. “I don’t think I’m interested anymore.”
“Really?” Jared asked cocking an eyebrow. “Had something better than me?”
“Once or twice, maybe.”
“Are you challenging me?”
“You decide.”
“You know what happens when you challenge me.”
“I do.” Ella nodded.
“I think she’s counting on it.” Terry said flipping on the TV. “With that look in her eyes I’d say she is.”
“I’m just fucking around.” Ella said breaking the stare she had with Jared. “We’re not even friends again yet.”
“You can still have sex with people who aren’t your friend.”
“I know.” Ella shrugged.
The three of them sat for a while finding other things to talk about before Terry and Jared got up to go out. They had things planned that Ella didn’t want to take part in. She stayed home and worked more on painting. Jared casually asked her about the painting they had done together in college, if she knew anything about it and if she had ever made another one like it after. Terry had ducked out of the room but came back before she could answer. That was a story they kept to themselves. Ella just wasn’t sure if he was saying he wanted to make another.
Jared was there about a week before he had to go back to California. He was pretty confident that Ella was just messing around when she said they weren’t friends anymore because nothing seemed much different between them. They’d made good use of their time to catch each other up on the last year of their lives and spent a good deal of time together without Terry. If they weren’t friends they sure as hell were on their way to being friends again.