The Reckless and the Brave.

Flashback

Bailey, Bailey Beaufort, the most wonderful and beautiful girl in the whole world and my girlfriend of three years. I stared at her from across the schools parking lot, wondering what the hell I did to deserve someone as amazing as Bailey Beaufort. She was the golden girl, the girl every guy wanted and every girl wanted to be. She had it all, the looks, the brains, the social status and yet she decided to hang out with me and my friends. We weren’t unpopular, but we weren’t exactly on top of the social ladder either.

“Alex!” She smiled and ran towards me, threw her arms around me and gave me a long, deep kiss. After a minute I tore myself away. “Hey.” I grinned. “Hey.” She grinned back. “So you’re ready for this? Our last week as high school students.” “Hell yeah! I can’t wait to get out of here and start touring!” I said. Bailey gave me an odd look, she supported our band fully and was proud of us when we got signed recently, but she didn’t like the thought of a long distance relationship. I sighed. “Stop worrying Bails, we’re gonna be fine.” She nodded and placed another kiss on my lips.

“Are you two every gonna stop sucking faces in public?” Jack teased as he came strolling towards us. “Good morning to you too Jack.” Bailey chuckled. “I’m surprised you even showed up, I didn’t expect to see you at school after you guys got signed.” Jack shrugged. “I still wanna graduate.” I frowned. “When did you start taking school so serious?” I asked. Jack chuckled. “I don’t, I just wanna have a graduation party.” I laughed loudly, it was so typically Jack.

Bailey shook her head. “Only you Jack, only you.” “Well I’m sorry we can’t all be as perfect as you, Missy head cheerleader slash valedictorian slash prom queen.” Bailey blushed, not liking it when people summed up her accomplishments. “Shut up.” She mumbled. “Why? You should be proud of all that.” I said. “I know, but I don’t want people thinking I’m some kind of snob.” She shrugged. And this was typically Bailey.

The bell rang and we went inside. We had separate classes so Bailey went left as I went right. “Yo Bailey!” I screamed and she turned. “Are you coming to band practice?” “No!” She yelled back. “I got cheer practice, but I’ll come over to your house afterwards.” She blew me a kiss and disappeared into the crowd.

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The last week of school passed quickly. Before anyone of us realized what was going on we’d graduated. Me and the guys were leaving next week and Bailey was coming with us. She was still worried about what would happen when summer ended and she had to go to school. I told her not to worry about it, I was so sure our relationship was strong enough to survive this, just as I was sure I was going to marry Bailey one day.

I was busy packing my things when there was a knock on the door. “Hey Alex.” Bailey said. “Your mom let me in.” “Hey babe.” I stuffed a few shirt in my bag. “Can we talk?” Bailey said, sounding serious. I dropped the clothes I was holding on the floor and sat down on the bed. “Sure, what’s up?” Bailey sat down next to me. “I got my letter from NYU today…. I got in.”

I tackled her into a hug. “Wow Bails that amazing! Congrats.” I looked at her. “What’s wrong.” Bailey turned her stare to the floor. “It’s just that…. It got me thinking…. It’s not gonna work Alex. We’re going to life two completely different lives. I don’t think… I just… Maybe….. maybe it’s better if we end this now.” I stared at her, my jaw practically on the floor. “Bailey, what…. Are you breaking up with me?” I choked out. “Yes. It’s not going to work Alex, I know it. It’s better to end it now, before one of us gets hurt.” She said, her voice breaking.

I was about to cry, this was NOT happening. “Is that’s what wrong? You’re afraid I might cheat on you or something? Because I won’t, I love you too much Bailey.” “I know you love me Alex, I never doubted that.” She said softly.

“Than what!” I screamed. “What do you want? You want prove? Commitment? Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it! You want to get married? We can drive to Vegas right now if that’s what you want!” “Alex stop!” She yelled back. “You’re talking nonsense!” “I’m not!” I insisted. Bailey shook her head. “I’m sorry Alex.” She said and I could tell by the tone of her voice it was final, done. We were done. “Maybe it’s better if I go.” She mumbled and got up.

“This is not over.” I said, pulling her back. “We’ll talk again tomorrow. I’m not letting you walk away Bailey.” Bailey have me a soft kiss on my cheek. “Goodbye Alex.” And she walked out of my room.

Little did I know that when I let her walk out of my room I let her walk out of my life. When I went over to her house the next day no one was there. Her neighbor told me the whole family had gone to New York for a week to help Bailey settle in.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed her number, but of course she didn’t pick up. I opened a new text message and stared typing. I would've married you in Vegas had you given me the chance to say "I do". But you couldn't make it any more obvious, could you?

I pressed sent hoping she would call me back. But I never even got a reply.
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4 Years later

“Baz? Peyton? I’m home.” I yelled. Both dogs came running towards me, barking enthusiastically. It was nice to be back home again for a little while. Zack and Jack were in L.A. and Rian was on a short vacation with his girlfriend. I looked down at the dogs. “Let’s go for a walk guys.”

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I took the dogs to the park, once we were there I took of their leash and sat down on one of the benches. Baz and Peyton were chasing each other and I chuckled. Suddenly my view was blocked by a very familiar figure. “Alex? Alex Gaskarth? Is that you?” I looked up and gasped. No way! “Bailey!?” I got up. “Wow, it’s been what? 4 years?” I said, still not believing it was really her. “What are you doing here?”

“I recently graduated.” She said. “I just got back to Baltimore last week.” She studied me. “You’ve grown up.” She chuckled. “You look good Alex. How have you been?” “I’ve been good. The band is doing great.” “Yeah I know.” She confessed. “I’ve been keeping track of you guys, even went to a few of your shows in NY.”

I was very surprised to hear that. “Really? Why didn’t you come and say hi afterwards?” Bailey blushed. “I… I wasn’t sure if you…. you know after the way we broke up…. I figure… maybe…. You didn’t want to see me…..” I took one of her hands in mine. “Bailey I would have loved to see you in these past four years.” She nodded, biting her lip. “I’m sorry Alex, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. It wasn’t until after I left I realized what I’d done, but I figured it was too late to fix it.”

I placed my other hand under her chin, gently lifting her face to me. “It’s never too late to try.” I said softly. “You wanna go grab a coffee?”

I had t interrupt my story for a minute, because it was almost physically painful for me to continue. “I c-can’t.” I stuttered, burying my face in my hands. Summer was sitting next to me on my bed. Her hands nervously fluttering in the air. Finally she placed one of her hands on my thigh, squeezing softly as if to say ‘it’s okay’. I looked up at her in surprise, not expecting a gesture like that.

I placed one of my hands on hers. She shuttered a little, but didn’t pull away. I took a deep breath and continued.

2 weeks after going out for coffee Bailey and I started dating again. We’d decided to keep it a secret. We needed to make sure we were able to do this, without any unnecessary drama from the people around us. We gave ourselves one year. If we could make it to the one year mark we were coming clean about our relationship.

And we managed. Sure we had our ups and down, but before we knew it we’d been dating again for 11 months. But I was getting impatience. I wanted to tell the whole world how much I loved this girl, Bailey however though we should wait until next month. “We made ourselves a promise Alex and we’re sticking to that. Better even you made me a promise. How can you expect me to trust you when you can’t even keep a promise.”

“Dammit Bailey, it’s only one month. Haven’t we proved to each it’s going to work out by now? God, you’re such a control freak sometimes!” And with that our petty argument turned into a heated fight.

“We were shouting at each other, saying things we didn’t mean.” I said, more to myself than to Summer, no longer really aware of her presence. “She eventually got enough, stormed out of the house and drove off. I didn’t hear from her for hours, she didn’t respond to my calls and I had no idea where she was. It wasn’t until later that day two police officers showed up.” I blinked away a few tears.

“They told me she’d been in an accident. It had been raining all day…. and the road was slippery, she couldn’t…..and the car…..” My voice was breaking and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to tell Summer the rest. “They tried… they did everything they could… But they were too late.”

I was on the verge of breaking down completely. “It’s my fault she died. If I hadn’t picked a fight all this never would have happened.” Summer pulled her hand away and started writing. It’s not Alex. You have to stop blaming yourself. It could have happened anyways, even without the fight. What if you two hadn’t fought and went out for a drive? Who says that same thing wouldn’t have happened then?

I never thought about it like that. “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t change the fact I was the reason she was out on the road to begin with.” Alex you need to stop beating yourself up over this. Bailey loved you, I’m sure of it. She wouldn’t want you to throw away your life like this. I mean isn’t all this the reason you’re in here?

“Yeah, it is. I started drinking a lot, too much actually. It was the only way I could cope with all the guilt. I just wanted to forget… everything. But after a while I got so numb to the world around me I needed a drink to actually feel something.” I said. “I never told anyone about me and Bailey, the guys thought it was just stress or something. But things took a turn for the worst and about 2 months after she died I drank myself into a coma and the guys forced me into rehab.”

2 months…. But that means… “That it hasn’t even been 6 months since it happened?” I finished for her. “Yeah, I know.” Alex you have to tell Dr. Sam this. She’ll know what to do. “I already did.” I confessed. “She got it out of me a while back. She thought I needed to tell someone else, but I couldn’t. I killed my girlfriend, what on earth are my friends going to think when I tell them.” That it was an accident and not your fault.

I shook my head. “They’ll hate me.” I whispered. Alex they are your friends, they will understand. You’ve told me so much about them, I simply cannot imagine they’ll hate you or even blame you for what happened. I chuckled softly. “You should become a therapist.” Summer smiled a little. Yes, because a crazy chick would be a great therapist. “Did you just make a joke?” I teased. “I didn’t know you even had a sense of humor.” Of course I do, I just didn’t have much to joke about for a while.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t…” It’s okay. I can’t really blame you for not knowing what happened. “Then tell me.” I begged. Summer shook her head. I can’t Alex, I’m not as strong as you. I looked into her eyes and she didn’t look away this time. “Please?” I whispered. I can’t.

“Why? Why can’t you tell why you’re here?” Summer gave me a sad smile. You wanna know why I’m here? Because my parents no longer know what to do with me.