The Reckless and the Brave.

I started walking faster. “Summer? What’s wrong? Is she okay?” “She’s having a panic attack. She had a bad dream and we can’t calm her down. Normally we would give her some tranquilizers, but we can’t because of the new medication.”Cindy explained. “Then why do you need me?” I asked.

Cindy stopped in front of Summer’s door. “Because you might be the only person who can help her right now. She trust you more than anyone Alex, please give it a shot.” I nodded and opened the door.

There on her bed was Summer, her hands were wrapped around her knees and she was slowly rocking back and forth. I took a step closer. “Summer?” I asked softly, but she didn’t respond. “Summer? Are you okay?” I asked again, a little louder this time. I sat down next to her on the bed, but she still didn’t acknowledge me. “Summer? Babe, what’s wrong?” I asked and placed one of my hands on her arm.

Her head shot up and she hurried backwards, kicking and hitting at me. I grabbed her arms to keep her from hitting me. “Summer! Summer, look at me, it’s me Alex. Dammit, Summer, it’s me Alex!” I shouted, but it was like she didn’t recognize me. She tried to pull away from me but I kept her in place.

Now what was I going to do? Wait a second, maybe…. “He woke up from dreaming….” I softly starting to sing ‘Remembering Sunday’, it was Summer’s favorite song and she always seemed so happy and calm when I sang it to her, it was worth a shot.

After the first verse she’d stopped moving and by the time I was done with the chorus she was in my arms. I kept singing as I held her. Summer started crying, burying her face in my chest. Once the song was done she slowly lifted her head. ‘I’m sorry.’ She mouthed. “It’s okay.” I reassured her. “But what happened?” She picked up her notebook from the nightstand and started writing.

I had a dream, a nightmare about… about what happened to me. I panicked, it felt so real Alex, I was so scared. I pulled her closer again. “You’re save now, don’t worry. I’m here and I won’t let anything happen to you.” I know, I haven’t had these dream in weeks, they stopped since I first met you actually. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled. “I’m so sorry I didn’t show up last week. I just thought you’d be better off without me.” I confessed. Summer looked up with her beautiful big eyes. “Which is ridiculous of course.” I chuckled. “You need me, just like I need you.”

That’s when I realized it. I was in love with Summer, not just the idea of her, but her. I loved everything about her, the way she looks, the way she smells, the way she acts. The way her eyes sparkle when she plays the guitar, the way she tucks her hair behind her ear whenever she was writing in her notebook, the way her face seems to lit up every time she sees me. I love her, with every fiber of my being.

But I knew I should be careful about it. I couldn’t just randomly start confessing my feelings for her. Who knows, it might even takes years before I could and if she ever felt the same it could take another many years before we could actually be together. But I didn’t care, I was willing to wait as long as she needed.

I kissed the top of her head lightly. “I see you tomorrow okay? There’s a song you need to practice.” I teased and Summer smiled. ‘Bye Alex.’ She mouthed and smiled.
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The next day I went to see Summer earlier than usual, that way we had a chance to make up a little for the lost time from last week. To my surprise Summer apparently had the same idea, because she was already waiting for me. She looked up at me, then to the clock, back to me and smiled. I wanted to practice again first before you came, but it looks like you’re an early bird this morning.

I chuckled and sat next to her, watching her finger work the instrument. “Yeah, I figured this way we could make up for lost time. I’m so sorry I avoided you last week.” Summer shrugged, not wanting to stop playing, indicating she didn’t care and understood after my explanation yesterday. “Alright, let’s do this.” I said and I started to explain the next part of the song to her.
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Several hours later the sun was setting and Summer had managed to play the song almost perfectly. By now the guitar was laying on the floor, completely forgotten. We were on the couch, Summer’s head resting on my shoulder as I told her stories about tour and my friends, I even told her some things about Bailey and for once I didn’t feel like breaking down when I talked about her.

Summer was staring out of the window, listening to me, sometimes pushing a piece of paper in front of my face when she had a question. Suddenly I looked at her. “This is nice.” I mumbled. Summer nodded. It is, it feels nice to be able to be close to a person again. I never thought I would be able to… you know, hold someone’s hand and… stuff.

She blushed a bit and I realized how little I actually knew about this girl. Sure we we’re friends and we talked about a lot of things, but I didn’t know anything about Summer’s life [i[before she was brought into the clinic. Hell, I didn’t even know how long she has been here, let along why.

For a moment I contemplated asking her these questions , but I decided to ask her another question instead. “Stuff?” I asked, half amused, half curious. Summer blushed even more. Yeah, you know, hold hand or hug or cuddle or….. Her hand hesitatingly hovered above the paper. “Or kiss someone?” I asked softly, leaning a bit closer. I knew I was pushing her boundaries right now, but I was slowly getting a little fed up with all this tiptoeing around her.

My mind was screaming at me to stop, that there was a reason Summer was so afraid of people, but it seemed like my body was moving on its own. Before either one of us truly realize what was happing my lips met hers. The second that happened I knew I’d made a mistake. Summer froze completely, even her breathing seemed to stop for a moment . A split second later she was moving again, but this time she was trying to get away from me, as far as the room allowed her to.

She stood in the doorway, her whole body was shaking and her eyes were shining with tears. Her trembling lips formed one unspoken word, ‘Why?’ before she dashed out of the room.

I fell backwards on the couch. Fucking idiot! Great move you moron! I cursed at myself. Why did you have to kiss her? Who says she even feels the same way? She never indicated she wants to be more than friends.

I’d ruined everything. All those weeks of trying to get Summer to trust me thrown away in one, brain dead moment. There was no way I was going to be able to fix this, this time I’d broken things for good, including Summer herself.
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Later that night I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Summer, or better the reason why she was here. I wish I know, maybe that could have prevented this whole disaster.

Frustrated with the whole situation, Summer and, most of all, myself, I got up. I need to know and if Summer won’t tell me, I’ll have to find out myself.

Quietly I opened the door. This was dangerous, very dangerous, but I have to know. It was worth the risk of getting caught. I made my way to Dr. Sam’s office, the door was locked, but after a few tries I managed to pick the lock with one of Summer’s hairpins she’d forgotten in my room the other days.

I switched on the light and opened the desk drawer I knew Sam kept the patients files. Summer’s wasn’t hard to find seeing she was under a tab with “South Wing”. I pulled the out the folder, I was tempted to start reading immediately, but the change of getting caught was too big. So I snuck back to my room first, thankfully without too much trouble.

I sat down on the bed and started reading.