I've Abandoned Control

I opened my eyes to see his beautiful face, relaxed, asleep next to me. I closed my eyes and reopened them to see he was still there, I thought I was dreaming. Even though I had been so rude to him earlier, he still held me so close to him. I thought to myself as I watched him sleep, how I needed to put myself in his position. What if I was on the other side of the world and he called me giving me some bad news? I knew my reaction would be worse than his was. He looked so peaceful, the frustrated look that was constantly displayed on his face was gone.

Slowly removing myself from under his arm, I got out of the bed, throwing his cardigan over my body to shield me from the coldness of the house. As I made my way into the kitchen, I started brewing some hot tea. The kitchen was a mess, I knew Jared was exhausted and with his mom here, he wouldn’t let her lift a finger to do any cleaning. After cleaning the mess up, I poured me a cup, and took a seat at the end of the bar. As I flipped through a magazine, I seen Jared come around the corner rubbing his eyes. “There’s my shirt” he said pointing towards the cardigan I had on. “I would give it back, but I kinda like you without any clothes on.” Not saying a word, he looked back at me and smiled, while he poured him some tea.

Taking a seat next to me, we talked while we drank the hot liquid. “I seen you cleaned up a bit?” he asked. I shook my head in agreement, “Why did you do that?” he said sternly.

“Why did I clean up?” I asked, thinking to myself if he was serious.

“You shouldn’t be doing that. Something could happen.” he demanded as he finished off his drink.

“I didn’t know I couldn’t clean up, I’m not unable to function Jared.” He could be so senseless sometimes. I tried to picture if the situation was reversed, but he was definitely making it hard.

After finishing off my tea I decided to run me a hot bath and relax for a little while. Telling Jared my plans, I made my way to the bathroom. As my shirt fell on the floor, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was disgusted at my image, if I felt that way I knew Jared had to have the same feelings as I did. I already felt self-conscious before I was pregnant, this took it to an entire new level.

Stepping into the hot bath, I sat down and made myself comfortable. The hot water relaxed my entire body. As I laid back, I closed my eyes, there is nothing that a hot bath won’t fix. I didn’t hear him come in, as I raised up, I seen him shutting the door behind him and locking it. Instantly covering my body with my hands, I reached for the towel hanging up on the wall behind me.

“Jared, what do you think you’re doing?” I asked covering as much of my body the towel would allow me. He started taking his clothes off in front of me.

“Don’t do that. Don’t cover yourself up.” he demanded as he slid his boxers down his legs. “You are beautiful, you don’t have to do that with me.” pausing to place a kiss on my forehead, he stood back up and said, “Now give me that towel and let me in there with you.”

Unwillingly handing him the towel, I leaned up and let him sit behind me. When he got comfortable, I leaned back against his chest. He placed a small kiss on my temple as he laid both of his hands on my belly. This moment was perfect, he was going to be such an amazing dad, I just hope I could see him fulfill that. I had to have faith everything was going to be alright, I had to stay positive about everything, if not for myself at least for Jared.

“I need to get out of here.” I said as I lifted myself from the water. Grabbing the towel to cover myself, he held on to me so I wouldn’t fall.

“Where are you going? he asked with a puzzled look on his face. Without any explanation I made my way to our bedroom. He quickly followed, making his way over to me, he grabbed my chin in his hand and pressed my lips to his. I couldn’t control the feeling I had inside of me any longer, as the tears fell down my face, he pulled back and looked at me.

“Talk to me Jana! Tell me what’s going on with you?” hearing his words sent a flood of emotions through my body.

“I can’t lose you Jared. What if something does happen to me? I’ll miss everything! I don’t want that to happen. I want to be there when she gets her first tooth, takes her first step, starts school even, and I might not get that chance.” he hugged me tightly as I cried hysterically.

As I looked up at him, I seen his blue eyes filled with tears. “Jana, I can’t say I agree with having this baby, only because for that exact reason, I don’t want to lose you, BUT…” he paused to wipe my tears away. “But… if that’s what you want to do, then I’m going to support it, we’ll be in this together.” I didn’t respond to what he said to me, we just stayed in one another’s arms and cried our worries out.

Realizing we were both standing in towels, we decided to throw some clothes on. As I threw the loose t-shirt over my head, we heard the doorbell ring. Stepping out of the room, I went to the front door to see my parents. Opening the door to greet them, they both engulfed me into a tight hug. As I helped them inside the door, they took in the sight of Jared’s home. They didn’t build houses like this back home, so I knew they were in awe, like I was the first time I came here. As long as Jared and I had been together this was the first time they had visited, we always went to Tennessee. So I let them get adjusted for a few minutes.

I led them into the kitchen to see if they wanted anything to drink or eat, I knew they had to be exhausted from the flight. Finally Jared came around the corner, looking as handsome as ever. It amazed me at how he could look so good without having to put much work into it.

“Richard” he said shaking my dads hand. My dad has always been skeptical about Jared and our relationship.

“Donna, you look beautiful as ever.” he always knew how to charm the ladies, even my mother. She loved every minute of it though, he had an effect on women even I couldn’t explain.

“Why don’t you make yourselves comfortable in the living room, I’ll get us some drinks.” I went with my parents while Jared got the drinks for everyone. Sitting down beside me, he didn’t waste any time telling my parents what the doctor said. He only told them about me falling and they needed to come to LA as soon as they could, but he didn’t tell them about the pregnancy or my condition. He was going to let me give them the news.

After he finished, he looked over at me and nodded, signaling that it was okay to lay the news on them. Taking a deep breath I started talking, “Well I told Jared not to call you guys but since he insisted, I guess it’s time to let you both know….” pausing to look over at Jared, he leaned over and placed my hand in his. “You’re going to be grandparents.” As soon as the words left my mouth, my mom burst into tears and my dad remained emotionless. I knew how my mom would react but I was worried about my dad.

To my surprise, he leaned up and shook Jared’s hand and said, “You better treat my daughter and grandchild right. Take care of them like a man is supposed to, because one word from my daughter that you’re not doing so and I’ll kill you myself. Understand?” Jared was speechless, he just nodded his head in agreement. With that said, my dad pulled Jared into a hug and patted him on the back.

As we sat and talked about how we found out and everything that has happened with work and Paige, I decided I’d let the news of the pregnancy sink in before I told them the bad news. If i was worried before about telling them the news, I am now terrified about how my parent’s would react to the news of my condition.