Status: Completed
I've Abandoned Control
Chapter 9
I was out for cocktails with my best friends, trying to have a good night, trying to NOT think about him! Chloe and Rachael convinced me that after 3 weeks of sulking and lying around my apartment in my pajamas that it was time to go out for a night. My band had just gotten signed with his help, and they told me it was time to celebrate and move on. I put on a black lace dress and my black peep toe heels. Realizing I was wearing them because they were a favorite of his, I rethought my wardrobe choice, but whatever I looked good. My heart was broken, but at least on the outside I could try to look like it wasn’t for one night.
We pulled up to Katsuya and walked in, the place was typically packed. We made our way to the bar, and we had a seat at the silver stools. I got a couple cocktails in me and thoughts of Shannon faded into oblivion, I was actually having a good time. We talked about upcoming vacations and the inevitable tour that my band had coming up. I welcomed the idea of hitting the road and leaving memories and thoughts behind. Then Chloe pulled me close and spoke in my ear ”oh my god Maria…I’m so sorry!”. “What are you sorry about? What do you mean?” I asked. She paused and bit her lip, stirring her cocktail and scrunching up her face. “He’s here!” she let out. With those words my heart sank down into the pit of my stomach and it felt like the room was closing in on me. “WHAT?!” I yelled. Rachael motioned behind us and to the right. I cringed and turned in the stool slowly searching the room until my eyes landed directly on him. There he was, and damn why did he need to look so good!
I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I saw him sitting there with another woman; she was very tan with brown hair and eyes, wearing a tank top and blazer. They seemed to be deep in conversation and I just couldn’t control myself. I stood up and immediately made my way to their table, Chloe and Rachael followed.
I saw he had his head down on the table, he had obviously seen me coming. “Hey Shannon, I see it doesn’t take you long to move on!” I blurted out. “Where did you find this one at?” I looked her up and down. He immediately jumped from his seat and looked me right in the eyes and said “Maria, why don’t you go have fun with your friends and leave us alone. I’m not your problem anymore remember?” How could I freaking forget asshole! My subconscious screamed out. As if my heart wasn’t broken enough, he managed to make it feel as if it were now bleeding as well. Instead of saying anything I laughed in his date’s direction and I wanted her to get far away from him so I bent down and told her “Don’t waste your time sweetheart, he’s mine and always will be.” I couldn’t even think because the next thing I knew he grabbed my arm and pulled me up and yelled at me “Don’t you fucking touch her. Go back inside with your friends and leave us the hell alone.”
His reaction shocked me the core, and I had to hold back the tears that were starting to seep out of the corners of my eyes. His date then had the audacity to say “bye bye” to me with a wave, I wanted to scratch her eyeballs out. She had no idea what I have been through these last 3 weeks! I walked away, and tried to walk faster the closer we got to the door as the tears cascaded down my face. Chloe and Rachael tried to console me, but nothing was helping.
Shannon was the love of my life, and the only reason he wasn’t with me anymore was because I broke it off with him over some stupid rumor I heard about him cheating on me when they were on tour. When I brought it up to him he was fuming mad and pissed off that I didn’t believe that he didn’t mess around on me. But the information came to me from a source that I trusted. I was confused and needed time to think so I broke it off. He tried calling me for 3 or 4 days and sent me tons of text messages, but I was so torn as my source showed me pictures of him and this girl hugging and seeming too close for my comfort. Was he telling me the truth?
Finally about a week after, I texted him that I was ready to talk but he didn’t respond. I tried to reach him over and over again to no avail. This made me think that maybe it was true, and he didn’t care about reconciling with me after all. So I stopped trying and continued to sink further into my depression, I was convinced there is no other guy for me and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Days would pass and I would have no idea what day of the week it was, I had no appetite and I just sat in front of the television, and now this happens. The way that he acted towards me tonight really confused me. He was so mad, and rough with me. The more I thought about it I wondered what he was feeling. Obviously he was mad at me for interfering, but there was something else. Something in his eyes besides the anger, he was hurt too! I’m not sure why this shocked me; after all he did love me at some point. I had just finished convincing myself that he was over me.
The night after the restaurant incident, I decided I would at least call him and apologize for being a bitch to his date. I knew I was out of control. I asked if he wanted to meet in person, I suppose this was an act of desperation on my part to feel him out. All I really wanted was to see him. He agreed and asked me to meet him at his place; I hurried as fast as I could.
I was there before he arrived and I waited at the door, I paced thinking about what I was going to say to him. As he pulled into the driveway my heart picked up speed. I could tell by the look on his face that something was very wrong. He breathed in a deep sigh and looked back at me; he then grabbed my hand and led me into his bedroom. I could tell he wanted to do something other than talk.
I was so desperate for him that I would do anything. He picked me up and threw me on his bed, and he took off his shirt. I knew this was no time to bring up any of our problems, whatever was going on he needed me and I wasn’t going to say no. I couldn’t wait for his arms to be around me again, everything else faded away when he held me. He leaned over me looking at me with deep want in his eyes. I put my hands on his chest and then under his arms and tugged at him so that he would fall on top of me. He kissed me like he was starving and I had every intention of feeding him until he was satisfied tonight.
We pulled up to Katsuya and walked in, the place was typically packed. We made our way to the bar, and we had a seat at the silver stools. I got a couple cocktails in me and thoughts of Shannon faded into oblivion, I was actually having a good time. We talked about upcoming vacations and the inevitable tour that my band had coming up. I welcomed the idea of hitting the road and leaving memories and thoughts behind. Then Chloe pulled me close and spoke in my ear ”oh my god Maria…I’m so sorry!”. “What are you sorry about? What do you mean?” I asked. She paused and bit her lip, stirring her cocktail and scrunching up her face. “He’s here!” she let out. With those words my heart sank down into the pit of my stomach and it felt like the room was closing in on me. “WHAT?!” I yelled. Rachael motioned behind us and to the right. I cringed and turned in the stool slowly searching the room until my eyes landed directly on him. There he was, and damn why did he need to look so good!
I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I saw him sitting there with another woman; she was very tan with brown hair and eyes, wearing a tank top and blazer. They seemed to be deep in conversation and I just couldn’t control myself. I stood up and immediately made my way to their table, Chloe and Rachael followed.
I saw he had his head down on the table, he had obviously seen me coming. “Hey Shannon, I see it doesn’t take you long to move on!” I blurted out. “Where did you find this one at?” I looked her up and down. He immediately jumped from his seat and looked me right in the eyes and said “Maria, why don’t you go have fun with your friends and leave us alone. I’m not your problem anymore remember?” How could I freaking forget asshole! My subconscious screamed out. As if my heart wasn’t broken enough, he managed to make it feel as if it were now bleeding as well. Instead of saying anything I laughed in his date’s direction and I wanted her to get far away from him so I bent down and told her “Don’t waste your time sweetheart, he’s mine and always will be.” I couldn’t even think because the next thing I knew he grabbed my arm and pulled me up and yelled at me “Don’t you fucking touch her. Go back inside with your friends and leave us the hell alone.”
His reaction shocked me the core, and I had to hold back the tears that were starting to seep out of the corners of my eyes. His date then had the audacity to say “bye bye” to me with a wave, I wanted to scratch her eyeballs out. She had no idea what I have been through these last 3 weeks! I walked away, and tried to walk faster the closer we got to the door as the tears cascaded down my face. Chloe and Rachael tried to console me, but nothing was helping.
Shannon was the love of my life, and the only reason he wasn’t with me anymore was because I broke it off with him over some stupid rumor I heard about him cheating on me when they were on tour. When I brought it up to him he was fuming mad and pissed off that I didn’t believe that he didn’t mess around on me. But the information came to me from a source that I trusted. I was confused and needed time to think so I broke it off. He tried calling me for 3 or 4 days and sent me tons of text messages, but I was so torn as my source showed me pictures of him and this girl hugging and seeming too close for my comfort. Was he telling me the truth?
Finally about a week after, I texted him that I was ready to talk but he didn’t respond. I tried to reach him over and over again to no avail. This made me think that maybe it was true, and he didn’t care about reconciling with me after all. So I stopped trying and continued to sink further into my depression, I was convinced there is no other guy for me and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Days would pass and I would have no idea what day of the week it was, I had no appetite and I just sat in front of the television, and now this happens. The way that he acted towards me tonight really confused me. He was so mad, and rough with me. The more I thought about it I wondered what he was feeling. Obviously he was mad at me for interfering, but there was something else. Something in his eyes besides the anger, he was hurt too! I’m not sure why this shocked me; after all he did love me at some point. I had just finished convincing myself that he was over me.
The night after the restaurant incident, I decided I would at least call him and apologize for being a bitch to his date. I knew I was out of control. I asked if he wanted to meet in person, I suppose this was an act of desperation on my part to feel him out. All I really wanted was to see him. He agreed and asked me to meet him at his place; I hurried as fast as I could.
I was there before he arrived and I waited at the door, I paced thinking about what I was going to say to him. As he pulled into the driveway my heart picked up speed. I could tell by the look on his face that something was very wrong. He breathed in a deep sigh and looked back at me; he then grabbed my hand and led me into his bedroom. I could tell he wanted to do something other than talk.
I was so desperate for him that I would do anything. He picked me up and threw me on his bed, and he took off his shirt. I knew this was no time to bring up any of our problems, whatever was going on he needed me and I wasn’t going to say no. I couldn’t wait for his arms to be around me again, everything else faded away when he held me. He leaned over me looking at me with deep want in his eyes. I put my hands on his chest and then under his arms and tugged at him so that he would fall on top of me. He kissed me like he was starving and I had every intention of feeding him until he was satisfied tonight.