Destined to Explode

“C’mon, boo. We gotta get out of this bed sometime today,” Alex whispered after we had been there for a couple hours. All I had wanted to do was lay there forever, sharing stories and just reminiscing. His smile lit up my mind once again but instead of feeling like I was going to fall apart, I felt like it was pulling me together. I needed to pull myself together, if not for me, then for him.

“I know, I just . . . miss him you know? But he would want me to get out of this bed, so do you know what I’m gonna do?” I questioned while rolling over him to get to the edge of the bed. His eyes sparkled at my sudden change in mood.

“What are you gonna do boo?” He replied smiling. I could tell he already knew, but he wanted to humor me. I felt stronger then I had in weeks, since the night he left me. It was a great feeling, to get back to normal.

“I’m going to get out of this bed. I’m going to put a smile on my face and I am going to live my life. Do you know why I’m gonna do this? Because he loved me, he loved me so much and like you said, I was his everything. If he could smile every day for me, then I can get out and smile for him. I can’t think of a better reason to smile then that,” I told him getting out of the bed completely. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up into a huge hug. His head went into the nook of my neck and a I felt a tear fall onto my shoulder.

“I’m so happy right now. I got a piece of my Boo Bear back,” he spoke softly and pulled back smiling with wet tracks down his face. I had only seen him cry a handful of times, if that, and this shocked me so much. I gently began wiping the tears off his cheeks.

“I love you Alexander William Gaskarth, you are the best friend a girl could ask for, but If you don’t tell Ryla how you feel soon, I will disown you,” I spoke seriously. As soon as the last words left my mouth he started laughing.

“Just give me some time, okay? I will eventually, I promise, I just can’t yet,” he whispered to me. I quickly pulled him into another hug and smiled. I hadn’t been this comfortable in my own skin since he’s been gone. It felt right getting back to normal.

We started walking out towards the main lounge and Alex was laughing at pushing me. I couldn’t help but laugh too. Then I decided that I was going to one up him and I tackled him right as we got to where everyone was. As soon as we hit the floor I started busting up laughing. I could feel everyone staring at us as we were laying on the floor laughing.

“What are you looking at?” I asked them in a joking manner. Ryla and Ryan looked shocked that I was in such a good mood. As soon as it wore off they were on top of me screaming nonsense about how they loved me.

“What’s going on here?” The annoying yet extremely sexy voice of the devil questioned. I rolled my eyes but tried to remain in my happy mood. I was not going to let him ruin my mood, he was not worth it.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I replied with a slight laugh in my voice. I was actually attempting to be civil and Ryla put a hand on my forehead as if checking to see if I had a fever.

“Are you okay? You must be sick,” she responded and I just laughed and pushed her arm away. Everyone else kinda looked shocked too.

“What? I can be civil sometimes, I have a heart,” I replied laughing. They all looked at me with a skeptical look. Apparently me being nice to the devil was a weird thing.

“That statement is questionable,” Zack whispered under his breath. Alex just glared at him from his spot on the floor. I was really trying so hard to be nice to him, to actually try and be civil and he says stupid shit like that. I mean just last night he was being all weird and mopey and saying he never meant for anything to be like this and now he’s Sir Douche again.

“Wow, dude. Really? I was trying to be a civilized human being towards you and you turn into Mr. Douche Bag. What’s your problem?” I spat at him. He obviously missed some of his medication this morning.

“You really wanna know what my problem is? You. You are my problem. You walk around here begging for pity. I told them I didn’t want you here, I’m surprised they even want you here,” he told me with an escalating voice. Those words stung, watching the reactions on the faces around me hurt even worse. It made me embarrassed.

“How dare you? You don’t know my story, you don’t know my life. I think you need to watch what comes out of your mouth there Merdick before someone hits you,” I replied trying to keep calm. I could feel my heart start to pound and I was feeling my body temperature rise. This was how I knew I was getting really pissed off.

“I don’t care about your life. What don’t you get? These guys are walking on eggshells around you like you are about to break. I don’t care how sad you are. Who cares? Grow up and move on,” those were the words that broke it for me. As soon as they left his mouth I lunged at him throwing the first punch. I hit him one more time across that pretty little face of his before Alex grabbed me by the waist.

“Dude, we told you to be nice! We told you how hurt she was! Why do you have to push all of her buttons?” I heard my brother ask him. I was still seeing red, and struggling to get out of Alex’s arms.

“C’mon dude. It’s true. She needs to get over it. So what? Devon left her ass, because he didn’t want her either. He obviously didn’t want to put up with her shit anymore. He probably never even loved her,” Zack spoke venomously. My body automatically went limp and Alex loosened his grip on me in shock. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. The tears formed in my eyes as I tried to old them back.

“If you ever, and I mean EVER, talk about Devon again, I will break each and every one of your basses one by one. You don’t know me and him. And obviously you don’t know what happened, don’t EVER talk to me again,” I spoke strongly and slowly stepped back trying to get out of the situation. As I turned around Zack obviously decided that he hadn’t said enough.

“I know exactly what happened. He left you. He didn’t want you anymore. You weren’t good enough. Get over it. Move on. He’s probably much happier without you,” Zack spoke and I could hear the smile on his face. The gasps from everyone else made the tears finally let loose. I could feel the eyes on my back as I turned around quickly.

“He didn’t leave me you son of a bitch! He died! He’s dead because he tried to save me! I should be dead, he should be alive because you’re right! Are you happy now? I am not good enough! I was never good enough. But you are wrong on one thing. He always loved me, and I will never doubt his love for me. He gave up his life so I could live. That’s the kind of love that you will never know. Because you don’t deserve it. Go rot in hell,” I yelled with tears running down my face. Saying that brought me back to the night it happened.

*Flash Back*

“Babe we gotta go! You look beautiful no matter what!” I heard Devon yell from down stairs. A smile found my lips just at the sound of his voice. I put my lip gloss down on the counter and grabbed my purse off the bed.

“I’m coming, I’m coming! I just wanted to look beautiful on our two year,” I replied as I was walking down the stairs, as soon as he heard my footsteps he turned around. The glisten in his eyes told me how much he cared, how much he truly loved me.

“Oh, Bell. You look absolutely stunning,” he spoke softly and leaning down to give me a kiss. Every time he kissed me I felt like my heart would explode. The butterflies flew so hard in my stomach I thought it’d be ripped from my body. When he would kiss me, I’d know for sure that we’d be together forever.

“Thanks, Dev. So are you gonna tell me where we are going or what?” I questioned, grabbing his hand, as we walked out the door of our house. It was perfect with the white picket fence, and white shudders. I’d never felt more at home then in that house with him.

“Nope, you will see when we get there,” he said smiling his thousand watt smile. We continued to walk in silence. We took a turn down an alley as a short cut we used all the time, but this time it felt different.

“Honey, maybe we should take the long way,” I asked stopping him and trying to turn around. Something just felt off, I had a terrible feeling about this.

“Oh come on. We are late right now because of you, ya goof ball. We’ll be fine,” he assured me. We continued to walk and the feeling kept getting worse. It all made sense when someone came running around one of the corners with a gun in their hand. He froze when he saw us and Devon pushed me behind his back.

“Shit!” The mysterious man yelled as he raised the gun and pointed it at Devon.

“Hey, man. You don’t have to do this, we won’t tell anyone,” he promised trying to slowly back away. Everything else happened in slow motion. The man steadied the gun, and pulled the trigger. It hit Devon straight in the chest. As he stumbled back the man took off running again. Devon slowly fell to the ground, and I finally saw the blood slowly coming from his chest.

“Devon! Oh my God! Hold on, babe. Okay? You’re gonna be fine,” I said as I took of my jacket trying to push it down to stop the bleeding. I felt the blood soak through and it started coating my hands.

“It’s too late . . . I love you okay? Remember that Bellani Marie Dawson,” he spoke softly. He was so pale and I could feel the tears start running down my face.

“No! It’s not too late. Don’t leave me! Do you hear me? You are not allowed to leave until I tell you, you can. We’re supposed to get married! We’re supposed to have little babies together that look exactly like you! You’re supposed to love me forever! You can’t die right now! Please don’t leave me,” I whispered trying to push harder on his wound. He couldn’t do this, I couldn’t lose him.

“It’s okay, you’re gonna be just fine . . . I can’t hold on . . . look in my pocket . . . “ he hardly spoke. As I dug through his pocket my hand grasped a little jeweler’s box. My eyes widened as I realized what it was.

“I will marry you if you just stay with me please stay,” I replied as I leaned down and gave him a soft kiss. He tried to smile into it but I felt his last breath against my lips. Just then I heard the sirens and started screaming.

I felt like my world had fallen apart.

He was gone.

"Devon Taylor O’hare died that night. I broke, and I had to figure out some way to pick up the pieces."