We Will Never Be the Same

I couldn't bring myself to have sex with Josh. I just wasn't ready for it. I was fully aware that I was an adult and sex was a normal thing, but I wasn't mentally ready for it. I knew it made Josh a bit frustrated but he would just have to respect my actions. I wasn't comfortable with my body, and to be truthful I wasn't sure if I would be anytime soon. Josh was lying in bed looking through a travel magazine, while I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching tv.

"We can go to the beach tomorrow, seems really nice."

"Ok." I nodded. I slid up the bed, laying next him. I turned a little to press my body against his. I let one of my hands run through his hair. He smiled and kissed my hand,

"I love you, Josh. I hope you know that." I said softly. He hummed in response,

"I know, baby." He kissed the top of my head, "I love you, too. Always."

The next day when we went to the beach, I felt totally relaxed. I was finally fully enjoying myself on this vacation. Josh had pulled me up, I started to protest because I knew what he was hinting at.

"I don't want to get in the water!" I said quickly and maybe too loudly. He ignored me, his hands going to my hips. Hi lifted me easily, throwing me over his shoulder. I groaned with every step he took. The water was cold and it didn't help that Josh just dropped me into it.

"Ugh, now my hair is wet." I glared at him, combing my fingers through my now wet hair. He only smiled before splashing me. I tried to turn around and run out but Josh had a hold of me before I was near the shore.

I screamed loudly, "Something just touched my foot!"

Josh laughed, "It's only seaweed, silly." I calmed down a bit before letting out a chuckle. We spent the next hour goofing around in the water. Josh declared he was hungry so dried off and walked around until we found a nice restaurant. The restaurant looked out over the ocean, I made sure that we sat by one of the windows.

"How long will you be gone for tour?" I asked.

"Two months." Josh said with a mouth full of food. I nodded, looking down at my plate of pasta.

"It isn't that long."

"Yeah," I nodded, "it is."

"Hmm." He frowned.

I waved it off, "I'll be busy with work so it won't be too bad. And Amanda is almost due, I'll probably be around her place most of the time."

He nodded, I knew he didn't know how to respond. To be totally honest, it had annoyed me a bit. The fact that my sister was having a baby didn't make me sad nor angry, I was happy for her. I knew everyone was cautious with what they said around me but would they always be that way?

It was probably the couple of shots I took down at the bar that had boosted my confidence. When we got to the room, I stripped out of my clothes and hurriedly took Josh's clothes off.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, bracing his hands on my shoulders.

"No," I shook my head. I was a bit tipsy but I was well aware of what was going on. "Stop talking and kiss me. " He raised and eyebrow but obliged. He pushed me onto the bed, spreading my legs slowly. My heart was beating rapidly, I felt nervous and giddy at the same time.

"I love you." He mumbled, as he pressed himself closer to me.

"I love you,too." I said breathlessly.