We Will Never Be the Same

Josh was pretty eager to move into the new house, he packed most of everything up and hired movers. I was bit surprised at how fast everything was moving along, Josh didn't really let me help with the moving process, some typical 'you need to rest' reason. It took him a total of 4 days to get everything out of the house, everything was at the new house minus a couple more boxes. Josh went into the room to retrieve boxes of his clothes while I walked further into the hall, opening the door and sighing a bit. Everything was packed up in Sophia's room, just a a couple boxes scattered around her room. I didn't have the heart to give or throw anything away, plus everything in this room was all I had to remember her by even if she never spent a night in her crib or wore any of the clothes we had bought her. Josh walked into the room, smiling over at me,

"Ready?" He asked,reaching over to caress my cheek, I nodded slightly leaning into his touch. I grabbed a light, small box and headed out to the car. It took us a minute to try and stick everything into the trunk and into the backseat.

"Goodbye, old home!" Josh said with a big smile and instead of smiling back I frowned and tried not to cry, I don't know what it was but I was feeling a bit sentimental. It was my first 'home' with Josh and we weren't there for long but I had grown to like it.

"Why are you crying?" Josh said, I could sense the small smile on his lips even if I wasn't looking at him. I furrowed my eyebrows,

"Don't laugh at me!" I glared.

"I'm not, " his eyes widened but he was trying to fight a smile, "I swear."

"Sure." I walked past him and got into the car. Josh got in a second later and reached over to grab my hand, I allowed him but I sent him a little glare as I used my free hand to wipe under my nose.

"Don't be mad, my love." He said as lifted my hand and pressed numerous kisses to it, he still had his lips pressed to my hand as he looked into my eyes and wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed a little and he pressed one last kiss to my hand before letting go.

"Let's go home," I said with a reassuring smile. We told everyone about us moving but no one's come to see the house yet, only cause I forbid it, we had to get settled in first. We haven't told anyone about the news of having twins, Josh and I decided once the house looks presentable we would have everyone over; my family, Josh's family, and of course our friends. We definitely had a lot to do but I was hoping it would all be done soon because the thought of a messy house was stressing me out. Most rooms had scattered boxes in them, minus the kitchen. I made sure I unpacked and set that up first, mostly because I hated cooking in an unorganized room. The living room had to be the worst room of all, I couldn't even see half of it due the boxes stacked high, I wasn't even aware that we owned so many things.

"Let's just go lay in bed," Josh came up behind me, probably sensing my exasperation.

"We should probably start unpacking, it's so much-"

He cut me off, "We'll start tomorrow, come on," He tugged on my hand, "I wanna cuddle." A small smile forming on his lips. I gave in silently and followed him into our new room. Luckily, Josh managed to build our bed frame the second night we spent here. I'd say our bedroom was about halfway done, we were too lazy to put all our clothes into the closets and dressers. Josh lead me to the edge of the bed, he sat while I stood in front of him. He held onto my hips, pressing his forehead to my tummy. I ran my hands through his soft hair, making it messy. He moved his face away, giving him room to look up at me. I smiled and pressed a kiss to his nose. I watched as he closed his eyes and let out a small sigh. When he opened them, his hands quickly made their way to my face, caressing. He stood up and pressed several kisses all over my face before finally kissing my lips. I wasn't expecting such a passionate kiss, he was nibbling at my bottom lip and tangling his hands in my hair. He pulled away, only an inch or so away from my face.

"God, I want you so bad." He breathed. His words surprised me, but most of importantly they made me really nervous. Josh and I hadn't had sex in such a long time. I had been avoiding it, to be honest. Being naked in front of Josh while I was this big didn't excite me. I didn't have time to protest or come up with an excuse, he was kissing down the side of my neck, sucking my skin every now and then. Oh, god, how was I supposed to turn him down? His hands lifted my shirt a little. I jumped back, away from him.

Josh looked confused and a bit concerned, "What?"

I stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. He raised his eyebrows when I didn't reply, "Eden? What's wrong."

"I'm tired." I mumbled. I was hoping he would buy it, but the look on his face was telling me I wasn't very convincing.

"Come on, tell me." He said in a serious tone, his features turning hard.

"I just...." Dammit, I couldn't lie anymore. I wasn't up to have this conversation, nothing Josh could say could change how I see myself. I was carrying two babies, for crying out loud. I think I have a right to be a bit self conscious about my body.

"I don't want you to see me." I said, staring up at him. He shook his head,

"Why not?"

"Cause I just don't!" I snapped. I could feel my eyes starting to water. I mentally slapped myself, I wasn't planning on crying. It only made everything much more serious. I could see Josh approaching through my blurry vision. I blinked hard and wiped my tears when they started to roll down my face.

"Look, I don't want to have some deep conversation about this. I'm just not comfortable right now." I added before his hands were wrapped around me.

"Fine," He sighed, "But there really shouldn't be any reason for you not wanting me to see you."

I scoffed, "I'm huuuuge."

"You're pregnant, and you aren't huge." He sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Josh, you don't understand!" I protested, "I can't even see my feet anymore, I can't bend over to shave my legs, I don't fit into any of my old clothes, and I feel like I'm carrying around an extra 100 pounds."

"I'll happily lend you hand with shaving your legs." He wiggled his eyebrows,

"That's just an excuse to try and see me naked."

"Is that wrong? I haven't seen you naked in so long."

I blushed, "What do you need to see me naked for?"

He grinned, "You're beautiful, why wouldn't I want to see you naked?" Did he have to be so nice? I was almost feeling a bit bad about turning him down. It was silent for a moment and I thought about just undressing and getting it over with. Sure, my body was different;really different. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want Josh as much as he wanted me. If I wasn't so worked up about my body, we would definitely be having lots more sex.

"Let's have sex,but don't look at me." I smiled, giggling softly.

"What type of sex is that?" He scoffed, furrowing his eyebrows. I sighed, feeling nervous once again. I just had to keep reminding myself that Josh had seen me naked before, and he probably wouldn't care that I looked a bit different.

I took a step back, shooting him a small smile before swiftly pulling my shirt over my head. I slipped my jeans off and decided not dwell on the fact that they had an elastic waistband. There, I was half naked. It wasn't that hard. I looked up slowly, watching as Josh's eyes scanned over my body.

"Well, don't stare!" I mumbled, feeling my cheeks warm up. He reached towards, pulling me up against his chest. He was kissing my neck and playing with my hair. I felt his hands on my back, sliding up to undo my bra. He moved back to let me remove it completely. He kissed me quickly before undressing himself.

"Nothing to be so nervous about." He whispered into my ear, as he hovered over me. The nerves of being naked went away quickly, thanks to Josh distracting me with the way he used his hands...and mouth.

"Sorry." I whispered.

"For?" He pushed my hair away from my face.

"Being difficult and crying. I was sort of mean."

"Don't worry about it."

I nodded, "I'll make it up to you."

He quirked an eyebrow, "Yeah, how?" I blushed a little and took a big sigh before answering.

"You don't know how crazy my hormones have been, I want it like all the time. I'm not exaggerating either." His eyes lit up, making me chuckle.

"How could you have kept that from me?"

"Dunno," I shrugged, "But now you know."

"You're in for a long night, babe." He winked.