The Girl in the Window

“What my name mean?” Gero. The tootsie inside of an orange tootsie pop. I smiled as he smiled his wonderful white teeth.

“Builder,” I answered confidently. He chuckled.

“You got it.”

“’S African.”

“Didn’t know that much. Just knew the meaning.”

“Well, we learn somethin’ new ereyday.”

“Sho nuff.” He looked at me longer before he asked. “What you doin’ dis weekend?” Damn, it was too easy.

“I don’t know, prolly nothin.”

“You wanna kick it at my place?”

“And do what?” He laughed dryly.

“Whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t know what he was getting himself into.

“Aight.”

“Cool. Jus’ come over when you feel like it.”

But good news sometimes gets leveled out by drama. Lorraine was still not talking to me and Jada obviously felt strange about not talking to me. Lorraine was stuffing her face with a chicken biscuit, drowned in jelly. She flipped her bangs as she laughed and talked shit about random people. Her hand covered her mouth as she babbled, keeping the food from flying on Jada’s fake lashes. These bitches. I didn’t even know why I associated myself with them in the first place.

“You know, if you stop eating dose high sodium chicken biscuits, covered in high sugar jelly, sandwiches ‘tween high carbed bread, you might lose some of dat fat you be complainin’ ‘bout.” She shot an evil glare at me. Eyes rolled so much it made me dizzy looking at them. Thought they’d get lost in her head. “Jus’ sayin’.”

“Bitch ain’t nobody ask you to say shit. Da fuck you sittin’ ‘ere fo’ anyway? You know I don’t like yo’ ass.”

“I don’t like you neither. I only sat here ‘cause of Jada, but it look like she don’t like me neither.” I stood up from the cafeteria table.

“Yeah we don’t like you so gone an’ find yo’self some nigga to fuck. Stank ass ho.” I was so ready to hammer her ass. I bucked at her, ready to strike, but it took all of me not to waste my time on her. She jumped back, frightened, and then frowned again. She knew I knew how to set a bitch straight and wasn’t trying to get any of it. But she wasn’t worth it. I walked away.

Damn, who would’ve thought I would become such a loser? An outcast to the people I labeled as friends. Guess their tag was mislabeled. Who did I have? Sasha? A girl I had just met and fucked? What friends did I have to hold on to anymore? I had no childhood friend that I could halla at. All of them resided in Maryland. And I was hard to accept. I had views on life that many didn’t have. I was afraid to open up. I didn’t want anyone to look into my brown eye and say “you’re different”. Why did it have to be so? From a distance I was no different from everyone else. But if someone looked close up to me, they’d know for sure “You’re different.”

People passed me by. Back against the wall, looking around, not focusing on anything. I slicked back my hair although I knew it was flat, and waited for the day to be over. Some girls came walking down the hallway. There were two of them, and they had a determined look on their face. Out of nowhere came another girl, seemingly walking towards them. The other girl was that girl I saw from afar in the cafeteria one day. Her designs looked better close up. The eccentric style she had wasn’t like anyone else in the school. And her skin. Smooth and buttery. Raw cocoa complexion. She just looked a lot more attractive close up.

As soon as they reached each other, they started talking.

“I heard you was talkin’ shit ‘bout what happen ‘tween me an’ dat nigga you saw me wit’.” One of the two girls said. It was the bigger one with weave that obviously didn’t match the texture of her hair.

The eccentric girl said: “I do not know what you are talking about—” Her accent was strong. Had to have been African.

“Bitch don’ sit here an’ lie.”

“I was not the only person who was dere. Why you hear it was me, huh?”

“Somonica tol’ me.”

“Somonica? Somonica is a liar. She probably was the one who tol’ somebody and when your boyfriend found out, she tried to frame me. I did not do a thing.”

“She said it was ‘cause you like Donté.” Then the eccentric girl said something in another language while holding her head. “Bitch what?”

“Me an’ Donté broke up two years ago. I broke up with him because he cheats. I never liked that fool, okay? Trust me Danielle, I do not want your boyfriend.”

“Aight.” Then the two girls left. That went better than anything I had ever seen taken place at school. Had the eccentric girl been another ordinary girl at the school, they would have been scrapping. She dissolved the problem well.

Before she left, she looked at me. Her eyes slightly widened like she saw an elephant… in school. I looked away. Next thing I knew, she was gone.

Never had I been the one to elevate an issue more than it needed to be. But it was hard for me to just let ignorance slide. Monroe was giving me problems I didn’t need. He couldn’t stand the fact that I was putting white people on the line, although the prompt we read had to do with racism towards blacks, received from whites.

“I’m not putting my name on dis paper,” he started bitching.

“Why the fuck not?”

“‘Cause dis is a bunch of bullshit. You’re putting down shit talkin’ about the likelihood of white people going to prison for a crime to black people going there for the same crime as if it were significant.”

“It is… Monroe.” I kept myself from calling him a, dumbass like he was, and called him by his name.

“Uh, no. Black people just tend to commit more crimes. I don’t know why you can’t admit to that.” I wanted his face to meet my desk.

“So did you do any research to back dat up?” He raised his hands in dismay.

“Christ Shade, I don’t have to research anything! Just look around us. How many of ‘em actually graduate? And out of the ones that do, how many of ‘em do somethin’ with their lives?” I shook my head.

“If you haven’t done any real research den don’t come at me.”

“Oh my god! You’re such a bitch.”

“Bitch, yo’ mom’s a bitch.” My temper was short with him.

“Oh, such a great come back. Why don’t you keep writing your essay of lies?”

“Why don’t you gargle on dese nuts? Yo’ whole world’s a lie.”

“Didn’t know you had nuts.”

“Yeah, more den yo’ bitch ass.”

“I’m not puttin’ my name on da paper.”

“Das okay. I’ll take the grade and you can scratch up an essay in a day.”

“Damn. I shoulda just grouped with Molly anyway.”

“Yeah. You could lick her ass while you’re at it.” I tried to refocus on the essay, but it was hard. Monroe disgusted the shit out of me and I couldn’t believe he could say some of the things he did out of such ignorance. I continued to write “my lies” and thought up more ideas to piss off Monroe. Monroe’s focus was on Molly. He had the look of lust in his eyes. Molly. Hair just a little too dark to be considered red, like drying blood and thick as a lion’s mane. Skin with more freckles than the stars of the Milky Way. They began clustering over her pale skin to become an excuse for a tan. Eyes pale blue, almost ghastly. Legs skinny that moved like a spiders when she danced to her made up beat. If he tried to slap her ass, he might miss. But those perky gumdrops on her chest with little cushion to back them up were taunting to him. She was the classic lily white girl. Most guys would pass her by without a glance. Average looks, nothing really unique. But to Monroe, she was pure gold. Or a ruby, I should say, whose quality was degraded because of her blemishes. He had that look of lust in her eyes towards her. He wanted to suck on her gumdrops and grab her ironed on ass. And how could he resist from kissing every cluster of amber on her skin?

“Monroe,” I breathed.

“What?” His attention was back on me.

“Look, I want to work with you on this. I know you’re not about to write a whole ‘nother essay.”

“Why the hell do you care? You weren’t listening to any suggestions I had anyway.”

“‘Cause you had no proof to what you said from a credible source. If you actually back up what you said, den maybe I’ll put it in da essay.” he sighed.

“Whatever I’ll think about it.” I slightly smiled.

“Sorry for saying mean things to you.”

“Yeah, sure.” Just for the sake of his cooperation, I let it slide that he didn’t apologize back.

Sasha still radiated with anger. Her being angry made me angry. It brought out my feelings about Lorraine. On the low, it broke my heart. I realized she really didn’t care much about me from the start. It really hurt my feelings to know that ultimately, I had no true friends. Sasha was too new to call a true friend. I really didn’t know much about her.

“I can’t lie, I feel kinda bad.” I looked at her.

“About what?” I asked.

“I didn’t let Darnell in my house yesterday. Told him to go to my ex’s house and get what he wanted. He was like ‘Come on Sasha, don’t be so simple’. I ‘bout kicked his ass but I was too mad. He went away an’ he didn’t talk to me dis mornin’.”

“Did he apologize for it?”

“Yeah but...” She looked off in the distance. “Dat shit won’t cool.” The thought burned in my head too much to ignore. I had to ask. Had to. Had to.

“Sasha...”

“What?”

“You sound like you really like Darnell.”

“What you mean?”

“More than a brother.”

“Come on Shade, you know I’m gay.”

“But you seem like you’re more mad at him than your ex.” She said nothing. “When ya’ll had sex, was dere more of a connection?”

“No Shade! Chill out. I don’t need you to be questioning my sexuality too. People ask me all the time ‘how can you be gay, you’re too girly.’ I don’t want that from you too.”

“Okay,” I said almost a whisper. “Can I tell you something… without you getting mad?” She sighed.

“What is it?” She wasn’t in a good space so I decided to hold off.

“Neva mind, I’ll tell you later.” Later’s time varied with that one, and later could have easily been never.