I Wanna Get Well

Luckily it wasn’t too long before someone had called me. I had been walking around in circles around the neighborhood for, maybe, twenty minutes when the sound of Slipknot’s “People = Shit”. To be honest it scared the crap out of me. I had started feeling nauseous and sat down only moments before it went off. I dug into my pocket and produced my phone. I saw Matt’s name on the ID, causing me to frown slightly. Why would he be calling so early in the morning?

“Hello?” I tested after sliding the green bar to answer the call.

“Hey Fee! Where are you at? I came to get Johnny up and take you two to breakfast but he said he hadn’t seen you yet. Are you okay?”

My frown deepened as he continued. Of course Johnny had pretended he didn’t see me. Why would he? He got someone to be forced to take care of him and telling Matt that would risk having someone clean up after him. I glared at my shoes, suddenly wanting to pound this shit out of the man instead of fear him. What a selfish jackass! Wait, focus Phoenix. You’re talking to Matt on the phone. Just play along.

“Yeah, sorry. Parker had to leave early this morning so I just told him I’d walk to work. I kind of got lost and don’t really know how to get there. I was going to call Parker but I figured he would be busy working with Zack.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“I was going to,” I lied. “You called me before I had a chance to.”

“Oh, okay.” I smiled, glad he had believed me. That was the first time in a while someone didn’t argue with my answer. It felt nice. “Can you tell me where you are?”

“Uhh, yeah.” I peered up at the street sign next to me. I was at an intersection and not one car had passed by yet. It seemed odd to me, but then again, it was a little after ten on a weekday. Most people were probably at work right now. “I’m at the intersection of Elm Street and Grisly Way.”

“Okay, you’re not too far from Johnny’s actually.” I mentally groaned. Of fucking course! Knowing my luck if I would have taken one of my lefts as a right I would have stumbled back to Johnny’s house. “I’ll be by in a minute with Johnny and then we can get breakfast.”

“Great, see you then,” I chirped before we hung up. As I slipped my phone back into my pocket I slumped over again, placing my face in my hands. Now I had to pretend I wasn’t feeling like shit and force myself to eat a second breakfast. I was going to need to bust my ass to work out today. Plus I also had to pretend that Johnny didn’t want to rip my head off and mount it on the wall about the fireplace he doesn’t have.

It wasn’t more than maybe five minutes before Matt showed up. The familiar Cadillac pulled up next to me, honking obnoxiously since I had my headphones in and didn’t notice it at first. I turned my head to glare angrily at the driver. Matt was grinning, his signature Aviators covering his face, as he leaned across the empty passenger seat to look at me through the open window.

“Come on shorty. I’m starving!” Matt joked. I rolled my eyes, standing to my feet and dusting off the back of my pants. I pocketed my headphones as I opened the front door and climbed in. In the rearview mirror I managed to catch a small glance of Johnny in the seat behind me. His head was rested on the window and I could hear soft snores. He was dressed in a hoodie, plaid pajama pants, and I couldn’t see his feet but I bet there was Converse on them. “So where do you wanna eat?”

“Wherever,” I answered simply with a shrug. As he began driving I sunk into my thoughts. I was going to feel bad at the end of this. Either because he’s going to be spending money and I won’t be eating nearly anything, or I will force myself to eat it all and know I’m going to want to puke. I didn’t know if it would end up from being sick or desperate hopes to not get fat again. I was jarred out of out my thoughts by Matt’s sudden voice.

“So what’s going on?” I turned my head with a wide eyed stare. Did Johnny say what really happened? Fuck, he was going to yell and scold me for almost touching the drum kit too, wasn’t he? I won’t be able to keep my composure if he does so. I need to stay calm, focused. Play dumb.

“What are you talking about?” I asked with a hint of a chuckle.

“You seem distant today.” I raised an eyebrow at him. I know he doesn’t know what ‘distant’ for me really is. We only spoke in person once before this and he barely knows me. There is no way he could make a call like that. He noticed my stare and sighed, looking back to the road. “Okay, so I called Zack before I called you and Parker said he dropped you off at Johnny’s place earlier than usual.”

“Oh,” I spoke softly. Of course Parker would be my alibi fuck up. But I guess it was karma trying to kick my ass since I was going to lie to Matt. Maybe a not so obvious lie? Maybe “I just decided to leave for a walk”. That sounded more plausible. But it would seem stupid to say that now. So instead I stayed quiet, staring out at the passing neighborhood.

“Are you okay Phoenix?”

I nervously took a glance at the rearview mirror again. Johnny was still slacked in his chair, soft snores escaping his mouth. I stared back out at the road again. He had his eyes shut but I still had the crystal clear image of his eyes full of hatred, anger seeping out, threatening to swallow me whole. I took a soft, slow breath. I was fine. He was asleep, probably wouldn’t mention the situation earlier again. I was fine.

“Just a bit under the weather is all. I’ll be fine once I get something in my stomach,” I lied, smiling softly. It was probably the opposite but anything to keep Matt from venturing deeper. Anything to get that judging, intense stare off of me.

“Well don’t worry, where we’re going there is great food! You’ll feel better in no time.” I just smiled back at him. He began to talk on and on about this place, Donna’s Kitchen, that he had been eating at since he was a kid. Most of what he said didn’t even reach my ears. I just smiled and nodded at the appropriate times. I didn’t mean to seem so rude but he didn’t seem to notice so I guess it was fine.

Soon enough we pulled to a stop at the matured looking building. It wasn’t quite new, but it didn’t look like a rundown shack. ‘Matured’ was definitely the right word I would use to describe this place. I climbed out of the SUV as Matt tried to wake Johnny. I checked my phone to see I had a text message from Parker, wondering where I was and that Matt was looking for me. I sent him a quick apology and a promise of explanation later. By the time I had finished, the back door was opening.

I was right. Johnny’s infamous tennis shoes were on his feet with his pajamas. His hair was messy and his eyes still had bags under them. I didn’t stare too long, afraid his anger would reappear, but he was silent. He kept yawning and looking at the ground, though half the time his eyes were shut. We followed Matt into the restaurant where he was greeted by a middle aged woman. He smiled back, saying hello to her. Emily is what he called her and it was also plastered on her nametag.

“I was sure we weren’t going to see you for a while Matt,” she spoke as she picked up three menus and started to lead us to the tables on either side of the entrance to the diner. She placed down the menus at a booth. Johnny instantly sat on one side at the wall while Matt sat on the opposite side. I frowned slightly. Matt probably didn’t realize it but with his muscles and everything; he took up more room than what would have left me comfortable with. So, with no other option, I slid into the seat next to Johnny, making sure to leave space in between us. “So who are you friends?”

I looked back at the woman. She was still smiling. Dressed in jeans and a simple, black shirt with a wide collar, it was obviously a casual kind of place. Stealing a quick look around the place I noticed it was pretty empty minus a twenty-something year old couple who was too engrossed in each other across the diner to notice our table. I looked back at the woman and then at Matt, desperation showing in my eyes. He caught on.

“This is Johnny, you remember the trouble making guy who always ordered the steak and eggs?” Matt tested, poking at the woman’s memories. A look of recognition passed through over her face.

“The infamous Johnny is back, huh? You’ve grown quite a bit over the years,” Emily laughed. Johnny, who had pulled up his hood and was resting his head on his right cheek, gave a soft smile, eyes still closed.

“Well I did gain an inch in height.” This caused the other two adults to chuckle. I stayed quiet, still feeling a bit awkward. At least Johnny didn’t seem pissed off I was sitting next to him. The woman turned her attention on me.

“I know you’re not Michelle or Val, I will never forget those twins. So what’s your name?”

“This is Phoenix,” Matt interjected, Emily’s attention turning back to him as he began to explain. “She’s a new friend of ours. Sister of one of Zack’s designers.”

“Oh, the chubby boy, right?”

“He’s not chubby,” I instantly argued. I blushed deeply and stared at my lap as they laughed softly. I couldn’t help it. Knowing Zack for all these months and with how kind he was to me, I couldn’t help defending him. It probably seemed childish or something.

“Don’t worry about it Phoenix. Zack used to be a little and that’s just Emily’s nickname to remember him easier,” Matt assured me.

“Yes, I’m sorry sweetie. I haven’t seen him in a year or so,” Emily explained. Suddenly she softly smacked Matt on the shoulder. “Don’t stay away so long! You boys and the girls should come eat here more. I hardly know anything about you anymore. Well, besides what Marc tells me about you guys. I remember when all you guys were famous for was getting into fights.” She sighed, shaking her head. “That boy is too obsessed with you five. I feel like it’s torment for giving you such a hard time when you were kids.”

“Well tell Marc I’ll deal with him if he keeps bugging you,” Matt replied with a wink. She smiled, shaking her head softly again.

“So what would you guys like?” After receiving two different soda orders from the guys and a pink lemonade from me, she left us to read over our menus. I stared at the menu, gnawing on my bottom lip. I didn’t really want anything breakfast... If I was going to eat something to regret, I wanted it to be something I would enjoy. I decided on the chicken tenders, just like before. I couldn’t help it, I loved chicken tenders and fries! Emily came back to set down our drinks before leaving again to give us a few minutes to look over our menu.

“I’ll be back,” Matt spoke once she had gone. I watched him curiously as he stood from the booth and walked away. He passed by the couple’s table as he went. I noticed the guy’s eyes flick to look at him before he went back to smiling at his significant other. I saw him enter a door which I faintly saw a sink, letting me know he had needed to go to the restroom.

“Hey.” I jumped slightly, tuning my head to look at the man next to me. His head still rested on the table, eyes shut and menu closed. He barely cracked them open, looking forward. I couldn’t really tell if he was looking at me or not. I could, however, hear the pounding in my chest from my heartbeat increasing. Now that Matt was gone was he going to threaten me or something? He didn’t have to to keep me quiet about this morning. I just wanted to forget it myself.

But what...what if he was going to apologize? It seemed far fetched to me but it was always possible. Maybe not likely, but possible. It would be nice to have him say the simple words of “I’m sorry” but it seemed like something that would never leave the bassist’s lips. I couldn’t help but feel my heart sore at the idea though.

“When Emily comes back, tell her I want this.” With that he let a finger come out of his sleeve long enough to point at the desired item that was on one side of my menu. With that he let his arms cross under his head and shut his eyes again. I felt my heart drop back down and I stared at my lap, willing my tears to stop from falling. I knew better, I knew, and yet I was dumb enough to get my hopes up. Such an idiot.

“Okay,” I said softly, keeping the sadness out of my voice well enough. As Matt came back Emily was taking our orders. I kept my composure, keeping happy enough to keep the woman and man across from me to not ask questions.

Why does my heart feel like it’s being torn to pieces?