Counting the Stars

The next day was extremely awkward. Niall brought Caroline back after Disneyworld and decided that she could stay on the bus with us all until she wanted to go home. They acted like an adorable, sickening couple that had been dating for months. Niall would say something and whether it was funny or not, Caroline would cackle loudly. I was ready to punch the both of them. Caroline hadn’t talked to me at all since they got back and either had Niall. It was like I didn’t even exist.

We had just finished up sound check and were all sitting around backstage, bored out of our minds. The guys had to go to the meet and greet for everyone with VIP, so it was just Eleanor, Danielle, Caroline, and I.

Eleanor looked up from the iPad she was on and over at Caroline, “So… Did you see that article SugarScape posted about you?”

“What article?” Caroline asked, raising her eyebrows.

Eleanor pulled up the article and handed it to Caroline, a slight smirk on her face. It took everything in me to not laugh as Caroline’s face went from confusion, to horror, to smiling.

“Well they might as well know now. If we’re going to be together for a while, the fans have a right to know,” She grinned happily, handing the iPad back to Eleanor.

I choked on my spit, “You guys are… Together?”

She grinned even wider, looking extremely creepy, “He asked me to be his girlfriend during the fireworks! He told me he knew it was too soon to ask me but he just felt a strong connection to me. He’s so romantic and it was perfect!”

I blinked a few times, not believing a word she said, “You’re kidding me… Right?”

She shook her head no. With that I stood up and walked out of the room. I didn’t want to sit there and stare at the girl who I thought was my best friend. There was no way I’d be able to sit there and look at her, knowing she was dating the guy I wanted to be with so badly.

“Kyle, wait!” Eleanor yelled, standing up and running up to me, “Niall’s an idiot and Caroline’s an idiot. It’s going to be okay.”

I laughed sarcastically, “Oh yes, so okay. To watch my “best friend” and the guy I’m hopelessly in love with date and be all cutesy. I can watch their relationship flourish and then they’ll get married and have adorable blonde children. If I’m lucky I’ll get invited to the wedding and I’ll be in the back, trying not to cry my eyes out as I look at the pictures of my 10 cats. I’ll be just fine. Now if you could excuse me, I’m going to Zayn’s dressing room and I’m getting a cigarette and I am going to smoke my worries away.”

“Don’t you even think about it, Callista! You will not do that to yourself. I will not let you subject yourself to a death stick because you're upset," Eleanor scolded me, slapping my wrist, “I’m going to go and get Louis and tell him to talk some sense into Niall. Then you’re going to go and tell everyone that you’re actually a girl. We’ll get you some extensions and you’ll continue the tour as a girl because I’m not going to let you be this upset.”

“Whatever you say, El. I’ll just throw my dreams away for a guy that doesn’t even like me. That’s so smart of me!” I replied, continuing my walk to the dressing rooms.

Eleanor rolled her eyes at me, “You’re not throwing away your dreams. Louis and Liam accepted it, the other three will, too.”

I didn’t respond and continued to make my way to the dressing room. Upon arriving to the dressing room that Niall and Zayn shared, I heard voices on the inside. Curious as to who was talking, I stood against the wall and leaned in slightly so I could make out the conversation.

“Are you fucking stupid? Niall, that’s so dumb!” Zayn shouted.

Niall? Stupid? What was going on?

“I know, please don’t remind me. It was a heat of the moment thing. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, so to have a girl right there that wasn’t a fan was something new to me. I panicked and just asked her,” Niall sighed.

This was going to get good.

“You have to break up with her and you know it, especially if you like someone else! I don’t care how childish and primary school like that sounds, you made a mistake,” Zayn ranted. He wasn’t yelling any longer, but his voice was above the normal volume.

“I’m not going to talk about this if it’s going to make you this upset. We’ll date for a little while, I’ll end up breaking it off with Caroline and tell her that it just isn’t working. It’s whatever.”

I took this as my cue to slip in. Right before Zayn could begin to speak, I walked into the room and over to him, “Hey Zayn, do you have an extra cigarette?”

He raised his eyebrows at me, “Since when do you smoke?”

“Since I’ve been stressed out.”

Reluctantly he handed one over along with a lighter, “The smoking patio is down the hall, third door on the right. You’ll be able to go out there and fans won’t see you.”

“You do know that isn’t safe… Right?” Niall asked, gesturing to the cigarette in my hand.

I shrugged, “Your point?”

I turned around and walked back out of the dressing room and down to the smoking patio. The area was fenced in and was in the back to where there weren’t any fans to stand there and awkwardly watch. Seeing as it was almost 7, the sun had begun to set. The sky was a mix of orange, pink, and blue and it was the prettiest thing ever. I looked at it in awe, amazed by what was in front of me. It looked like someone had taken a giant canvas and had painted a mural on it.

I lit the cigarette and pulled it up to my mouth, letting it dangle by my lips. The mixture of the smoke and the beautiful scenery surrounding me made all of the jumbled thoughts in my head disappear for the time being. I didn’t want to think about the events that had happened the past few days, I just wanted to clear my head and not think for once.

Even though I didn’t want to, I still began to think. I thought about what would happen if I did end up telling everyone that I wasn’t actually a guy. In reality, nothing could really happen to me. I made sure that if I followed through with the plan I wouldn’t get into any legal trouble. Technically, they couldn’t kick me off the tour. They could ask me to leave, which I would probably do to avoid awkwardness.

With all the events that had taken place within the past few days, telling the guys seemed like a logical thing to do.