Married or Not, I Hate You

The room I was lying in was big. The walls were black,and the curtains were red. The air was heavy and all the windows were closed and covered up. It was impossible to see anything at all,except for the light from the digital clock on my nightstand. I jolted awake from another nightmare,the same one. Just that this time Jamia was in it..

Remember that I was staying at the Way’s because of the business trip mum and dad was going on? Well,they decided to extend it to go on Jamias funeral. It’s already been two weeks since the funeral,and it was really sad. I think I cried for two hours straight after it was done. I’ve grown to like my parents even more,mum was with me all night after it while dad was helping Jamia’s parents and the Nestor family out. But the thing is,we weren’t only holding a funeral for Jamia. We held a funeral for the baby she was pregnant with too. The saddest part about the whole funeral? They called the baby ‘Frank’,after me. Well,John did.

''«Me and Jamia had this stupid fight once,if she ever got pregnant and it was a boy she insisted on calling him Frank after you. I refused to and said if it was a boy we’d call him Jacob. It was a pointless fight to be honest,and we never really apologized to eachother. So this will be my apologsy to her.» He pointed at the grave which I hadn’t studied yet,and it said ‘’Here lies Jamia Nestor and Frank Jr. Nestor’’ It made me cry even harder,but also because it moved me alot.’’

Thinking back at it made me sob a little,but I’d stop crying as much as I did two weeks ago.Though,because of the nightmare I started crying a little loud. «Frank,are you okay?» I suddenly jumped. Something warm moved closer to my back and I remembered Gerard.

Oh yeah,me and Gerard was sharing room and bed. Not because we wanted to,and we hadn’t been sharing room since I got here,but my room suddenly were filled with spiders and I have arachnophobia I refused to even go close to the room. And since Gerards room was the only one available till they’d fixed to spider-problem I ended up in his room.

«Hey,Frank?» He nudged my shoulder and turned towards him and sobbed,looking into his bright eyes. Something about Gerard had changed since..That day. I nodded and curled up under the sheets. «Another nightmare?» His voice was soft,and a little sleepy. I’d probably woken him up by crying.

I nodded weakly and I felt him move closer to me. He pulled the blanket away from me and pushed my black fringes away from my eyes. «Hey,it’s okay. It was only a bad dream.» There he goes again! Whenever we’re alone he’s gentle and nice,but in the moment there’s others in the room he goes all homophobic and mean. I sighed. «Can I ask you something?» He nodded in reply. «Are you closet gay?»

He went silent.

I looked up at him,his cheeks were another color from the rest of his skin.I couldn’t see much of his skin but he was defiantley blushing. «I--» he started, «I don’t know what I am..»

I guess that makes sense. He’s never really thought about his sexuality so when he first gets dragged into this ‘releationship’ with another male that happens to be gay,he gets unsure.I remember when I was 14,I had the same problem. But then I went and asked Jamia,and she helped me through it. She was only 17 herself,but way more mature than me. She would of turned 20 in July.. It’s May now. Another one who helped me realize my sexuality was Ryan. He was the first guy I ever did something sexual with. I might have been drunk but I still remember how turned on,excited and happy I was. I’ve gotten laid a few times after that,and the last time was with Daniel,when I happened to moan out-

I looked at Gerard,and realized that I suddenly felt a little horny. I smirked at him. «Do you wanna know?» I asked in a seductive manner and moved closer,slipping my hand under his shirt.
«W-Wanna know what?» Gerard suddenly looked a little unsure. I closed all space between our chests,maybe I was gonna give him a little payback for giving me a hard-on under the dinner..