I'll Be Right Beside You

Jordan

The rest of the road trip went by pretty painfully for me. Cam seemed to be in a slightly better mood, even if she was still quiet and a little too thoughtful for her usual self, but better than how she’d always seemed close to tears before. I was happy that she was feeling better, but felt shittier than ever because she seemed to really be getting over all of this and me.

We lost the other two games we had, so our return home was a bit of a solemn one. I felt so lost getting into my Escalade and driving back to the apartment by myself, without having Cam in the passenger seat. Every time I looked over I expected her to be there, and kicked myself because I knew that she wouldn’t and kept trying to convince myself otherwise.

Instead Rosa had came and picked her and Neal up, and Cam laughed as she gave her friend a hip check into James, making their hug a little closer than I think they’d intended. At least that’s what I got from the fact that both of their faces turned bright red.

Becka sent me a glare when she walked over to meet Sidney, and he gave me a sympathetic look as she took his hand and started leading him toward their car. I just shrugged, letting him know it was okay before I’d started my own vehicle, got in and left. I didn’t expect Cam’s best friend to be friendly toward me, and I knew there wouldn’t be much Sidney could do. When Becka made up her mind, that was it.

I was surprised when I got home to find Eric sitting in my living room; he’d obviously been there for a little while waiting. I’d had no idea that he was coming up early; he hadn’t said a single word to me about it. More than likely it was the same reason that Marc had dropped in for a surprise visit on his days off.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked, and he just shrugged.

“We play you guys in two days and don’t have any games until then, so I talked to the coach and he let me come up to see you,” he responded nonchalantly. I knew immediately that Jared was probably waiting at Rosa’s place for Cam, and I tried to keep my cool but it was getting hard. Between him and Giroux… what was it with her and redheads?

“You all right? Jared told me about the whole Giroux thing; I wanted to talk to you,” Eric asked, revealing the real reason for his visit. I sighed and walked to the fridge, getting a beer before offering Eric one.

“So… that good eh?” he asked, and I nodded as I sunk down into my chair, taking a long swig.

“Yeah – I guess she ran into him when they went for lunch, and he asked her out for drinks afterward. And she told him yes. James went with her, and I guess a couple of the Philly guys were there too, and they’ve been texting and everything,” I told him, and he nodded, staring down the neck of his beer bottle.

“You knew this would happen Jordan – she isn’t going to wait around forever and you knew that. That’s why Jared told you to talk to her, before there was somebody else,” he tried to gently break it to me, but it was still too painful for words.

“I know Eric, but how can I face her knowing that I fucked it all up?” I demanded, and he was at a loss for words.

“I don’t know Jordan, but I do know that she still loves you. She and Jared talk about everything, and she does still care about you a lot. If you’d just act on it maybe you’d get somewhere,” he sighed, and I hung my head, knowing he was right.

“I know I don’t understand how much it hurts Jordan; I get that. I know it’s probably hard to try and take my advice when I don’t know where you’re coming from, but you have to believe me and Jared, and you have to try or you’re going to live the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you’d done something. Wondering whether she would have said yes to that ring or not,” he burst, and I swallowed hard, gripping my beer tighter to try and hide the shake in my hands.

“I know Eric, I do. But at the same time this problem isn’t just going to fix itself. Neither of us are just going to magically be okay with this; I’m not going to be okay with guys hitting her or her fighting, and she’s not going to be okay with me trying to protect her on the ice. That isn’t going to change and I know that, that’s why I’m scared to talk to her, because I don’t want to be the reason she says no that we can’t try again because we won’t change,” I admitted, and he softened at the explanation behind my bull-headedness towards talking to her. I was too scared of being rejected by her – at least if this was mutual, I wasn’t the one who single-handedly fucked up the best thing to ever happen to me.

“Shit Jord,” he walked over and pulled me into a hug, which I gladly leaned into.

“You still have to talk to her. I know, it’s scary to think about being rejected, but it’s gotta be better than this uncertainty, right?” he asked, and I shrugged, looking at my beer with disgust. I really didn’t want it anymore. I wanted to crawl into my bed and never leave, except for when it reminded me of her. A lot of her stuff was still here in my apartment; I didn’t have the stomach or the will to move it.

“Maybe,” I allowed, and he nodded, still rubbing my back. His cell buzzed, and he read it before sighing and quickly replying.

“Jared?” I asked. Had it been Tanya he would have told me or had a smile on her face.

“Yeah… uh, you might want to hold off on that talking to her for a little,” he slowly admitted, and I bit my lip, knowing what this meant.

“I guess she had a bit of a breakdown about it – Jared said she’s kind of calmed down now,” I felt close to tears at just the thought of her crying. I knew how she hated to feel weak or vulnerable.

“And I guess Claude had called to talk to her and she’d tried to answer the phone, but couldn’t keep the tears away. He’s on his way to Pittsburgh now to see her,” he finished, and I closed my eyes, trying to fight the tears of my own that were now threatening to escape.

“Didn’t Jared say anything? I know I pissed him off with everything that happened, but he’s still my brother,”

“Yeah, he said he had it under control, but I guess Claude told him maybe she needed someone who wasn’t a Staal to help her out, and she didn’t know what to do. You know how she is – she wouldn’t want to say anything either way so she didn’t offend anybody. Cam and Jared are so close, but I don’t know if he’s a help to the situation or not,” he admitted.

“Yeah he is. I don’t know how many times he’s called and cheered her up; he texts or Skypes her every day to check on her,” I told Eric, who eyed me suspiciously.

“Sidney told me; I guess Rosa was talking to Becka about it one day, so naturally he heard all about it. Rosa thinks she should be with Jared,” I explained, and he winced slightly.

“Shit, that’s a little harsh. Especially when she knows you and all, but she’s pretty protective of Cam, and if Jared’s calling or getting in touch every day… I mean, I guess I can see where she’s coming from,” he allowed, and I nodded. Some days I almost agreed with her.

“Yeah, I know. Maybe then she wouldn’t be in tears all the time because she dated an asshole,” I mumbled, and Eric’s eyes widened in shock.

“Jord, you’re not an asshole, anybody—”

“Anybody else would’ve gotten over it the first time it became an issue Eric, you know that. I just happen to be a stubborn ass, and now look where it’s got us. She’s upset, and hurting, and there’s at least two guys who’re vying for her attention right now who would be so much better for her. Our little brother included,” I burst, and he sighed.

“He’d never do that Jordan, you know that; he’s your brother,”

“But he really cares about her Eric, and obviously he means a lot to her too. I screwed everything up, she deserves to be happy, with or without me in the picture,”

“You’re always going to be in the picture Jordan – you two were a serious thing, and a lot of firsts for both of you, you’re always going to be that for her,” he insisted. I shrugged, not wanting to talk about this anymore.

“What difference does it make if she’s the one who got away?” I asked him, and left my older brother at a total loss for words.

“I don’t know Jordan,” he finally admitted, and we sat there quietly before my phone rang.