Don't Leave Me Alone in This Bed

*Mathieu’s POV*

“What the hell was that? Are you trying to make me mad?! I am mad enough as it is!” I yelled at her as I pinned her to the all, glaring at her. She looked at me in shock, that’s when I realized what I had done. I had raised my voice to loud and was hurting her.

“I’m sorry, so sorry. I didn’t mean to.” I said, loosening my gripe on her. I took a deep breath gathering my thoughts.

“It’s just hard to fall in love with a guy. Especially since I thought I was straight all my life, especially since he’s my best-”

Before I could finish my sentence, her lips crashed onto mine. The kiss was gentle, but at the same time it was rough. I felt her soft lips against mine and I could taste her strawberry flavored lip gloss. I let her take control of the kiss, its not like i wnated it.

If I would of been straight, I would of been so turned on right now. But, I wasn’t. Before I knew it, she was all over me, her fingers running trough my hair and one hand on my chest. Her knee was playfully rubbing up against my crotch. I should be enjoying this, I though. But I’m not. The only thing on my mind was Samuel.

I wonder how his kisses tasted like. I wonder what his body against mine would feel like. I wonder what sound he would make when I teased him, biting his neck, ears, collarbone, touching him in the right places making him squirms under me, leaving my marks on him. Would he call out my name?

“I love you.” Mara whispered in my ear, but I was so lost in my daydream I actually thought it was Sam.

I was so lost in my thoughts I was convinced he was doing these things to me. He playfully traced my lips, asking for entrance. I immediately let him in. His tongue crashed into my mouth as we both fought for dominance, our tongues dancing together. I finally won the battle as I pinned him against the wall, still kissing him with passion, never missing a beat. I felt my stomach flip was I could taste him. He tasted like…like strawberries? Wait, what? He tasted like…Mara? I pulled away, looking down to see a out of breath Mara.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Wow even making out with me you still pictured Sam. So how did he taste like?” She whispered to me with a grin on her face.

Fuck.

It was just a day dream.

“Even after all the time I have been going out with you, you never kissed me that passionately before, and now you fell in love with your best friend, and you pretended he was me and you kissed me that passionately? You would kiss your best friend more romantically then your girlfriend? You must have some sick problem.” She sounded disgusted. But in all honesty, if I was her I would be too.

“Shut up, you don’t know nothing.” I snapped at her, glaring at her. I heard someone trip over a branch and we both spun our heads in that direction.

“Uh, sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your make out session. Uh, I’ll just be leaving.” Sam looked embarrassed as he dusted himself off awkwardly and walked away. He looked hurt.

Did he love me back? At that very moment, my heart broke into a million pieces. I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs that I loved him. That when I was making out with Mara I was thinking it was him. Only if I was a girl it would of worked out. But, I’m not. The one thing I wanted was for him to not turn his back on me, to stay by my side, forever.

I went to go after him, but Mara stopped me.

“Stay with me.” she snapped. Ugh, does this girl ever give up? I need to go after him!

“He will never love you. Get that trough your head, he hates…” she paused.”Gays. He will hate you and be disgusted by you if he finds out.” she said the word gay as if it was some sort of disease. I felt my blood start to boil. My face went into a scowl.

“Stay with me.” she repeated, a little more demanding this time.

“If you go after him, mark my words, I will tell everyone you’re in love with him and that you’re gay.” she threatened.

I just laughed.

“And who would believe you? If you haven’t noticed, everyone think’s you’re just a huge bitch.” I said blantantly.

“That’s not true, everyone loves me. Many people would believe me.” she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of Sam and I sitting in the slide last Saturday at the park. I had my head on his shoulder. I gulped, suddenly feeling threatened.

“Exactly.” she said with an evil grin.

“You better do everything that I say, or else, I don’t know, you loose your best friend and your love?” She gave me a quick kiss then she walked away.

If their was a pill that would end your life without pain and worked quickly, I would of taken it a long time ago. I just couldn’t keep on living like this. I was lost and helpless. In love with my best friend who hated what I was. 

I spent the rest of lunch silently sitting by my locker and quietly hating myself as I wished that all this would end, that I wouldn’t be in this misery anymore.