The Secret

I tried so hard not to stare. But that tight, white lace dress hugged her body in all the right places and Goddamn did I miss that.

She was smiling. She looked happy. Happier than the last time I saw her.

The guys all hug her and are sincerely happy to see her too. I don’t mind seeing her either, except I couldn’t show that happiness.

“What is she doing here?” Heather hisses in my ear.

I sigh. Of course she has to start this right now. “She’s one of Vero’s best friends, Heather.” I mumble with a roll of my eyes.

Heather mumbled something inaudible under her breath and I made no effort to figure out what it was. I just took her hand and we continued to walk to the church.

“Hey, Jordo! Look who it is!” Max shouts.

Are you fucking kidding me? Of course Max would pull that.

I shoot him a glare and instantly see a smirk appear on his face. I sigh and glance to Abby. She has an innocent look on her face and I even notice a small blush on her cheeks. I know she had no idea Max was gonna do that, so I can’t be angry with her.

I sigh and feel Heathers grip tighten on my hand.

“I have to go say hi to her now” I mumble to her.

“No you don’t, Jordan! Let’s just go inside.” She practically snaps at me.

“No, Heather. I’m not being rude. If you don’t like it then go wait inside for me” I snap right back and with that, drop her hand and make my way over to Abby.

By now Max has disappeared to go sweet talk the fake blonde that came with one of the other girlfriends and left Abby awkwardly standing there.

“I’m sorry” she instantly apologizes as soon as I am in front of her.

“You have nothing to be sorry for” I sigh and look down at her. She looks good. I cannot even deny it.

She gives me a weak smile and nods slowly.

“So how have you been?” she asks cautiously and I notice her glancing behind me repeatedly. I let out a quiet sigh and glance back too, seeing Heather giving her the biggest death glare I have ever seen in my life.

“Just ignore her, Abs.” I say softly. “I’ve been good… You know” I shrug a bit. I want to bring up the wedding but I know that will just make everything complicated. I’m just dying to know why she didn’t even show or give me any support or anything.

Abby nods quietly and I notice her looking to her feet. Something she always does when she doesn’t want to talk.

“Maybe we should make our way inside now” I suggest and place my hand on her back. She just nods but gently pushes my hand away. My heart sinks a little and I walk behind her instead of next to her. I know I’m married now, but I gave this girl four years of my life and she’s pushing my hand away?
Whatever. Shake it off, Jordan. You’ve got a whole lot to deal with now.

Walking up, I try my best to ignore Heather’s glare on me.

“What was that about?” she snaps at me. “Why did you touch her like that?”

“Heather, stop it. I married you, didn’t I?” I snap, no longer having the patience for all this.

“Well the way you acted with her makes it seem like you didn’t even want to! Why don’t you just run off with her, Jordan? I’m sure that would make you a lot happier” she practically yells.

“Dammit, Heather! Shut the hell up and stop causing a scene!” I snarl and storm inside the church. She stands there shocked because I have never snapped at her that bad. Yeah, she gets on my nerves but I’m usually able to handle my anger. But people were staring and she was yelling. It was just embarrassing.

I look around the church and find an open seat next to some of Marc’s family. I smile weakly at them before sitting down with a sigh. I wipe my face and look around the church. It’s beautifully decorated with flowers at the end of every pew. Vero worked hard on this and it shows.

I stop when I see Abby sitting with Max and some of the guys. She’s smiling. A real smile. Not that fake one she gave to me. Why can’t I make her smile like that anymore?

Soon everyone is piling in, filling every empty seat that they can. I glance back and see Heather sitting in the back row with people I’ve never seen before. She looks miserable and right now, I couldn’t care less. The ceremony begins and Marc’s face lights up when Vero starts walking down. She looks absolutely stunning and it makes my heart almost melt to see how happy they actually are. Did I look like that when Heather walked down the aisle? I didn’t feel like that…

I sigh and just watch the ceremony, glancing over to Abby every once in a while. She’s sitting there with a smile as she watches Marc and Vero intently. God, she’s so beautiful.
A while passes and before I know it everyone’s standing up cheering. I jump a little and quickly get up too, clapping and smiling when Marc looks over at me. I chuckle and give him a thumbs up before he and Vero make their way out of the church. Once by one the pews start emptying beginning from the front of the church. I see Abby glance to me and look at me confused. I assume it’s because I’m sitting alone and Heather is nowhere in sight. Max links his arm with hers though and ushers her out of the church.

As soon as almost everyone is out, I take this as my chance to get up and leave too. I walk out and look around curiously. Marc and Vero have started taking pictures and I see James and Sid looking around.

“What do we do now?” I ask as I walk up to them.

“I think we’re supposed to head to the reception hall” Sid says, looking down at the invitation he brought with him. I look to James and he just shrugs unknowingly.

I nod and look around for Heather. I almost miss her but I see her turning the corner. I groan and jog after her.

“Where are you going?” I sigh out as I catch up to her.

“To the hotel” she shrugs simply. “Not that you care, I’m sure” she adds in rudely.

“Stop being such a drama queen” I say with a roll of my eyes. She scoffs and elbows my side.

“What the fuck, Heather. Stop being a jealous bitch!” I spit the words out before I can even comprehend them.

She stops walking and I instantly regret it. “Heather… I’m sorry” I whisper apologetically. Even I know sorry won’t fix this right now.

“I’m going back to the hotel. Get a different room tonight, Jordan” she says quietly and calmly before walking down the road and getting in an empty cab. I sigh and groan, rubbing my face. I screwed up. And I need to fix it but before I know it, half the team is yelling my name and we’re all getting into the limo.

I sit in the back, keeping to myself the whole ride. I look around at all the guys, drinking and having fun, no care in the world, no wife holding them back. I envy them… Maybe I rushed into this. Maybe Heather really was just a rebound. I don’t know. Seeing Abby just confuses everything. I quietly groan and reach for the bottle of whiskey. I down two shots as fast as I can and sit back again.

The limo soon gets to the reception hall and we all file in. I walk to the back and sit at a table with some of Vero and Marc’s family. They all talk and I sit there awkwardly, downing a couple more drinks before the bride and groom even arrive.

About half an hour later everyone is seated or mingling around. The obnoxious DJ stands up and starts yelling inaudible French into his microphone and next thing I know, Marc and Vero are walking in holding hands, looking happier than ever.

By now, I won’t even deny that I’m a little buzzed and still pissed off with the whole Heather thing. I don’t even notice that I’m staring directly at Abby until someone smacks the back of my head.

“Make it more obvious, ya dumb fuck” Marc laughs as he sits beside me. I didn’t even realize that they already had their first dance and Vero had danced with her dad and now they’re making their rounds to greet everyone.

“Where’s Heather?” Marc whispers to me. I sigh and reach for me drink, but he pushes it away.

“She went back to the hotel” I mumble and reach for it again, but to no prevail.

“What happen?” he asks. I’m starting to get annoyed, but Marc’s one of my best friends and I know he actually cares and wants to help so I can’t be a dick to him. No matter how bad I want to be left alone.

“Abby happened” I sigh, rubbing my face. “I should have figured that she was going to be here but it slipped my mind and Heather got mad that she was even here and I snapped at Heather and I called her names and now she’s at the hotel and she said I have to get a different room to stay in and I just screwed up” I ramble with a loud groan, burying my face in my hands.

“Wow. You did fuck up. My advice is to choose love. Whichever one that be” he says in broken English before getting up and going back to his greetings.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

I groan and sit back in my chair, playing with my drinking and thinking over what Marc had said. Does he think I still love Abby? Does everyone think that? ..DoI think that?

I sit there miserable for almost the whole night until Max drags me out to the dance floor. He let’s go of my arm and of course I’m standing right in front of Abby. She stops and looks up at me quietly.

“It wasn’t my idea” I mouth and she nods.

“I know” she whispers and goes to walk past me. The music changes and Max quickly grabs her.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” he asks dramatically and walks her back over to me.

I see her sigh and whisper to him, but he doesn’t listen.

“Jordy needs a dance partner and you’re the only one who knows how to deal with his big feet” Max laughs and pushes her to me. She bumps into my chest and I catch her in my arms.

We both sigh and the guys all move away, staring at us hopefully.

“Maybe I should just leave. I’ve caused enough trouble” Abby whispers and I can see the sadness in her eyes.

“No.. You didn’t do anything wrong” I assure her. “But… just dance with me. You know they won’t give up until we do” I sigh and part of me hopes so bad that she’ll agree.

She glances around and all the guys try to act smooth and look away quickly. She sighs and slowly wraps her arms around my neck, not making eye contact. It upset me, but we’re close again and I’m so thankful for that.

We dance closely and although the song is probably four minutes long, it feels like it’s only two seconds. Abby instantly pulls away once it ends.

“It’s getting late” she whispers simply before walking away. I stand in the middle of the dance floor dumbfounded and watch her. She grabs her purse and goes to say goodbye to the guys before Vero and Marc.

I can’t help but feel disappointment as I watch her disappear out of the doors. Who knows then the next time I see her will be?

A few more hours pass and the room has slowly been clearing out. I haven’t drunk anything since talking to Marc and I don’t even want anything.

I catch a cab to the hotel and head to the elevator, but stop myself. I let out a sigh as I make my way over to the front desk.

“I need to get a room” I mumble. The secretary nods and within a few minutes I have my own room on the third floor. Heather is on the fourth so I don’t have to worry about seeing her tonight.
I get in the elevator and head up, searching for the correct room number. I finally find it, halfway down the long stretch of a hallway. I’m about to walk in when I hear Max talking.

“Goodnight, Abs. I’ll see you in the morning” I hear him call out before he walks towards the elevator. I quickly rush into my room and shut the door, looking out the peephole. I hesitate, but slowly open my door once I see Max on the elevator and the doors closed.

I feel like I’m standing in concrete. I want to move but I’m stuck. Should I go see Abby? Or should I just stay in my room and go to bed.

I can’t stop myself. My mind is racing a million times per minute but I find myself walking towards the door Max just walked out of. I quietly knock and I hear her footsteps. I want to run back to my room; lock myself in there and hide until she leaves tomorrow afternoon but it’s too late.

“Jordan? What are you doing here?” she whispers and looks around the hall quickly before pulling me in the room. “Does she know you’re here?” She says “she” as if it’s poison in her mouth and I understand exactly why. Heather has never been friendly to her.

“No…” I admit, scratching my head. Her eyes widen and she looks at me with shock.

“Why are you here?” she repeats, her confusion extremely evident.

“I… I’m not sure to be honest… I guess I just want to see you… And see how you are…” I say quietly, looking down to my feet as I sit on the edge of the bed. Abby plops down next to me with a sigh.

“I’m fine, Jordan. I’ve been fine…” she whispers and gives me a look. I understand; it’s the “stop bugging me, I’m not going to talk about it” look.

“You know I never wanted to hurt you, Abs” I whisper, looking down at her. I can’t help it. It just starts spilling out of me. I never got to apologize for breaking her heart and it’s been bugging me for so long.

“Jordan. Just stop. We’ve both moved on. I’m not upset about it anymore” she sighs and goes over to the dresser to remove her earrings.

“Then why won’t you ever talk to me?” I ask.

“Maybe because you’re bitch of a wife wants to kill me” she mumbles, thinking I can’t hear. I don’t correct her or say anything about her reference to Heather, because frankly she is a bitch to Abby and it’s not fair.

“Why didn’t you come to the wedding?” I ask just above a whisper.

She turns to me with something between a scoff and a laugh. “Why would I, Jordan?” she asks. “You think I want to see the man I was in love with marry another woman? You think I want to be reminded how I couldn’t make you happy? How I wasn’t good enough for marriage? I sent you a damn card, now leave me alone. Go back to your wife and I’ll go back to Brad.” she snaps and turns back to the dresser.

Brad. Just hearing the name makes me cringe. Brad is Abby’s current boyfriend. Her rebound as I like to refer. He’s a tool. He thinks he’s such a hotshot because he works for his daddy’s law firm and drives a Mercedes. I’m no prize but Abby can do so much better.

“Ha. Brad” I scoff and roll my eyes. “Because Brad makes you so happy, right, Abby?” I rudely blurt out.

She turns and glares at me. “Stay out of my relationship, Jordan. He treats me better than you have!” she shouts angrily.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I treated you like a queen, Abby! I brought you something every time I came home from a road trip. I spoiled you so fucking much and you didn’t even appreciate it!” I shout right back.

“You’re so fucking stupid, Jordan! Did you ever think, for just once in your life, that maybe, just maybe I didn’t want all those dumb gifts? That maybe I just wanted my boyfriend to choose me over his friends for once? That would have made me happy. You were never there. Even when you weren’t on a road trip you still weren’t home. Your stupid friends were more important. And then you got mad at me for wanting to go home!” she blurts out and I see her cheeks turning pink with anger.

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?” I sigh quietly.

“You never listened, Jordan” she whispers sadly and I see two stray tears roll down her cheeks.

I want to kick myself. I made her cry. I thought I was done doing that. I thought that by breaking up with her, I would save her from all these tears but instead I brought more.

I quietly make my way over to her and wrap my arms around her. She instinctively buries her face in my chest and I hear quiet sobs coming from her. I sigh sadly and kiss her head softly.

“I’m so sorry, Abby.” I whisper, soothingly rubbing her back. I place another soft kiss on her forehead and she slowly looks up at me.

I don’t know what happens, but next thing I know I’m laying her back on the bed and both our shirts are off and she’s reaching for my belt buckle. I don’t stop her but instead trail kisses down her next as my hand cups her chest. I kiss above her bra as my hand snakes behind her and unclasps her bra, throwing it in the pile with our shirts.

She finally gets my pants unbuckled and unzipped before trying her best to push them down. I chuckle a bit and stand up to help her. I kick them into the pile and tug on her pajama shorts, tossing them right next to my pants.

She’s breathing heavier now and I can see the lust in her eyes. It’s been so damn long and we both want this right now. She grabs my hands and pulls me back down to her. Her arms wrap around my neck and she kisses me like never before. I immediately allow her tongue entrance as I slowly run my fingertips down her side. I can’t help but smirk when I feel the goosebumps rise on her skin. I run my fingers along the hem of her lace underwear before reaching down to her clit. We’re not even naked yet and she’s already soaking wet for me. I smirk at her and she blushes, knowing exactly why.

“I’ve missed you too” I whisper before pulling back and sliding her underwear down. She pulls her feet out and I part her legs.

“Jordan, don’t.” she whispers. “I want all of you right now.”

I look up to her with a nod and see her eyes are begging me to enter her. I smile and place a soft kiss on her lips before sliding down my boxers and pulling her body to mine. My hard on presses against her and she lets out a soft moan.

“Please, Jordan” she begs in a whisper as she grinds her hips against mine.

I smile and reach down, guiding myself in slowly. She lets out a quiet, soft moan and grips onto my shoulders. I groan a bit, feeling how tight she is. Fuck, I’ve missed her.

She looks at me hopelessly again and I take the hint before I slowly start pumping. Her moans are quiet and breathless as my pace quickens.

It feels like a matter of minutes when she’s moaning my name and digging her nails into my back as I start to cum with her. We lay back, completely out of breath and she rests her head on my chest. She lets out a content sigh and I smile, kissing her head.

She smiles up at me but it quickly fades and she pulls away. “You should probably head back to your room” she whispers and wraps the sheets around her as she reaches down for her shirt. “I won’t tell anyone” she adds in with a small nod.

I frown and sit up with sigh. I grab my boxers and slide them on before the rest of my clothes. I don’t say anything, because honestly I don’t know what I can say. I just cheated on my wife with my ex that I claim not to have any feelings for.

I look to her and see her on the edge of the bed, playing with a string on the sheet.

“This is between us?” I whisper. She nods, not looking up at me. I sigh and nod too.

“It was good seeing you...” I whisper. She stays quiet and I take this as a queue to leave. I peek my head into the hall to make sure it’s clear and I don’t see anyone so I quickly make my way to my room.

What the fuck did I just do?


“Guess who I talked to the other day?” Max says out of the blue as we both sit down. He was in Carolina for the game tomorrow and we decided to head to lunch to catch up.

“Who?” I asked plainly, not really interested in hearing another story about one of his old hookups.

“Abby” he smirks. I set the menu down and look up to him.

“You did?” I ask. He nods. “About what?” I ask cautiously.

“Just catching up. A lots going on. She and her fiancée are having a kid” he says with a mouthful of breadstick.

I stare at him shocked. “Fiancée? I thought they weren’t even in a serious relationship?” I blurt out.

Max chuckles. “Ya know, for a married man you sure seem to care a lot about her life” he smirks at me.

“I do not” I mumble, slouching down in my chair.

“When did she find out she was pregnant?” I ask curiously.

Max shrugs. “She said a few weeks after the wedding. She assured me she wasn’t pregnant then and didn’t poison the kid with alcohol” he laughs.

A few weeks after the wedding… After we had sex…

My eyes widened and I felt my heart start to race. The rest of lunch was awkward and filled with stupid conversation that mainly Max contributed to. I couldn’t get away fast enough. I don’t go home. I can’t. I can’t face heather.

I drive to this lake I discovered when I first got here. It’s quiet and I’ve never seen anyone there before.

I take out my phone with shaky hands and bring up her name.

After a few minutes I finally press send.

“Is it mine?”

I sit there, taking a couple deep breaths and staring down at my phone anxiously.